Take me far away from here
by unnbrella
Summary: She had been breaking so slowly, and the longer it went on, the more it hurt her. Until finally, everything just shattered in an instant, and now there's nothing left for her to hold on to. "Sarah…" she croaks, her voice just above a whisper. "I'm so sorry," and that's all it takes for Sarah to start sobbing right then and there. [COMPLETE]
1. We can't be kids anymore

Summary:

She had been breaking so slowly, and the longer it went on, the more it hurt her. Until finally, everything just shattered in an instant, and now there's nothing left for her to hold on to.

"Sarah…" she croaks, her voice just above a whisper. "I'm _so_ sorry," and that's all it takes for Sarah to start sobbing right then and there.

A/N:

In this story, Clementine is 13 and Sarah is 17, except for in the flashbacks, then they will be 11 and 15. Also, this is going to be a multi-chapter story!

* * *

Take me far away from here

1\. We can't be kids anymore

* * *

 _Clementine eyes the concrete wall in front of her in silence. The various scribbled words that have been painted over time nearly cover the entire surface, and her mind only wonders about the different stories behind each one, and when they had all been made._

" _We should write something," she says while continuing to stare forward, her tone level and nearly emotionless._

 _A familiar figure slowly steps into her peripheral vision, but Clementine doesn't turn her head when Sarah arrives by her side under the bridge._

" _Why?" puzzles Sarah in a quiet voice, peering up at the large wall of graffiti before them. It towers high over their small figures, and the shadows from the bridge above shield them from the bright afternoon sun._

 _The messages appear in all different sizes and colors, and some of them had been written so frantically that it's difficult to decipher. There are so many names painted on the wall, and a few of them appear to have even been created with blood._

" _Maybe someone else got lost, too," Clementine begins. "If they see it, then… they'll know we were here. Maybe they'll come looking for us." She recalls to that chaotic night only a week before, but the worst-case scenario still lingers at the back of her mind, and she struggles to believe her own optimistic words._

 _A while passes where neither of them say anything, and the two girls only continue to stare at the wall with exhausted eyes, pondering the idea._

" _What should we say?" Sarah finally asks, breaking the silence._

" _Just… something simple," responds Clementine, then her shoulders drop in disappointment as her eyes scan over the cluttered wall. "There's… not a lot of room left." She twists her mouth in thought, before bending down to obtain a small black rock by her feet. "Here, use this."_

 _Sarah hesitantly takes the pebble, twisting it over in her fingers a few times as Clementine searches the ground for another one._

" _Do you think they're still looking for us?" Sarah asks slowly after a moment, an anxious tone hidden behind her words._

 _Clementine rises to stand again with another small rock in hand, avoiding eye contact. "I don't know," she answers truthfully with sorrow suddenly flashing across her features. She scratches the pebble against the wall a few times, satisfied when it leaves faint black marks on the surface._

" _Are—are we still looking for them?" Sarah hesitates as she watches Clementine intently, fearful of what her answer may be._

 _She doesn't respond for a while, and the younger girl's gaze only stares longingly into nothing. Clementine presses her lips together, suddenly realizing her own uncertainty about the subject, before finally speaking again. "I don't know, Sarah."_

 _Uneasiness flows towards Sarah from the vague response, and she chooses not to ask any further questions after that, despite the handful of them that come to mind._

 _Their eyes glance over the entirety of the wall, searching for the largest blank area they can find within the cluster of scribbles. When they agree on a spot, Sarah and Clementine roughly scratch the rocks against the surface until the black streaks form words. Their lack of proper writing materials lengthens the process, and their hands begin to ache from having to apply so much pressure._

 _When they're done, Clementine dusts off her hands and the two of them step back to eye the final product. It turns out messier than they would have hoped since they nearly ran out of room at the bottom, and there's a visible difference in both the girls' combined handwriting._

 _They observe the wall with skepticism, and it's silent between them as they read over their composed message._

 ** _Kenny, Luke, Nick, Rebecca, Jane,_**

 ** _We're okay_**

 ** _-Clementine and Sarah_**

* * *

 _2 years later_

Sarah grunts as she violently plunges her knife into the walker's skull, and blood splatters onto her face before the rotting corpse heavily collapses by her feet.

She stares down at it, breathing heavily and taking a step back, then the sound of more distant snarls reaches her ears once more.

When she raises her chin again, she spots another walker slowly stumbling towards her from in between two bushes, bony arms outstretched and teeth pathetically biting at the air.

Her grip tightens on the knifes handle, stabilizing her stance in preparation as it gradually approaches her.

She doesn't move, but she waits until just before it reaches her, then aggressively kicks her boot into it's knee before it can claw at her. The walker tumbles to the ground, falling forward, and Sarah doesn't hesitate in jamming her weapon into the back of its head while it's down.

The body goes limp and all is quiet again. After a moment, she scans her surroundings to be sure there are no others coming.

All her eyes are met with is countless rustling trees the color of autumn, and the leaves that litter the forest's floor crunch under her boots when she moves. That should be all of them. For now, at least.

It's almost evening, and the bright afternoon sun is only beginning to hide underneath the horizon, but the heat still eats away at her as she quietly continues her path through the forest.

When she reaches her destination after a while, Sarah's shoulders instantly fall in disappointment, and she sighs to herself when she observes the scene before her.

The net had been set off, but all that lies crumbled within it is a helpless decaying walker that claws at her through the ropes, completely suspended in the air.

She stares up at the miserable sight, and the trapped walker only continues to snarl at her with rising volume, as if it can reach her. It isn't anything near what she had hoped to catch, and it wouldn't be the first time this has happened either.

There aren't many animals left, and she begins to wonder whether this was all a waste of time. It only seems to her like the walker activity increases by the day. Still, that could just be her losing hope. It's hard to tell anymore.

Calmly, Sarah approaches until the walker's flailing arms nearly reach her. Its clawing hands are now inches away, but she doesn't react to it, or even look in it's direction.

She slices her knife into the side of the large tree trunk, swiftly cutting the rope that attaches to the branch above.

The net falls to the ground in an instant, as well as the heavy walker suspended within it. The leaves rustle from the impact, and clouds of dirt rise from the ground.

Laying in a heap before her, with the ropes tangled around its helpless body, the walker only growls louder as Sarah stares down at it, her expression emotionless.

With one last glare at its rotting face, she impales her weapon into its head and the sound of its groans finally end.

She stands there for a while, and it's completely silent around her. All she does is just observe the mangled corpse before her, and she doesn't know what she feels anymore.

Two years ago, she would have felt something. Fear, probably. The dead wasn't something she had been used to. And now, she's seen so much of it - so much of everything, it's just normal to her now. And she realizes that it's never going to get any easier.

Sarah is jolted out of her thoughts when she hears branches snapping and leaves rustling from somewhere behind her, and she quickly whips around with her knife cautiously held out in front her.

"It's just me!" exclaims a familiar voice, and Sarah instantly lowers her weapon at the sight of that purple baseball cap emerging from the bushes.

"Sorry…" Sarah awkwardly apologizes after a moment, her tense muscles able to relax.

Clementine cautiously steps over a log and treads through the shrubbery until she reaches the clearing where Sarah stands.

It isn't until Sarah removes her glasses to clean them on her plaid shirt that Clementine notices the red splatter on the young woman's face. It's only a little bit of blood, but some had gotten in her hair as well, and her two messy braids have various strands that fall out of them and hang in front of her eyes. She doesn't bother asking about her disheveled appearance, though, already assuming what had happened.

"Find anything?" Clementine chirps casually while sauntering over, but she freezes in her tracks when she notices the dead walker at Sarah's feet. "…Oh," she says.

Sarah chuckles softly while putting her glasses back on, pushing them up on the bridge of her nose. "Not exactly what we had in mind," she responds, smirking. "What about you?"

Clementine shakes her head in response while glancing down at the net again, and Sarah had figured as much judging by her empty hands.

They had set up a few different traps littered throughout the forest in hopes of catching at least some kind of animal to eat, and they haven't caught anything in about a week. Still, they have no other choice. They have to keep trying. So, Sarah had opted to check this one while Clementine checked the others.

The two of them don't have much food left, and all they seem to be catching anymore are clumsy walkers that manage to step in the wrong place. But if they're honest, they would have been surprised if they didn't find at least one of them today.

Pursing her lips in thought, Clementine bends down towards the dead walker after a moment. "Come on. Let's set this one back up."

They untangle the net around the corpse without another word, and the process of burying it back within the leaves and tying the ropes over again takes longer than they would have hoped.

When they're finished, Clementine brushes the stray curls away from her eyes before finally breaking the silence between them. "Sun's already going down," she says softly, observing their surroundings with her hands on her hips. "We should head back."

Sarah squints in the direction of the blinding sun, and the orange light casts a warm glow on both their faces. "Yeah," she sighs tiredly.

She can tell by the look on her face how disappointed Sarah feels, so Clementine grins gently at her in an attempt to lift the girl's spirits, and her hand momentarily reaches out to stroke Sarah's arm before they start walking.

They don't say much after that as they tread through the woods at a slow pace, and all that can be heard is an occasional twig snapping and leaves crunching underneath their shoes. They're both starving, but neither of them choose to say anything about it. It wouldn't help.

Their trip today had turned out to be pointless, but they both know they're going to have to do the same thing over again tomorrow if there's even a chance they'll find something to eat.

"Wait," Sarah suddenly whispers in a harsh tone while coming to an abrupt halt.

Clementine freezes at the sound of her voice and instantly begins scanning their surroundings with caution for anything unusual, but she doesn't speak in case there's danger nearby.

"Look," Sarah extends her arm to point upwards, and Clementine's gaze follows her finger.

There's a crow perched on the branch of a tree a short distance away, and it's constantly twitching its head to the side in observation, completely oblivious to the two girls' presence.

With the hope that they've found something for dinner tonight, Sarah frantically pulls the pistol out of her holster and aims it at the bird, but Clementine is quick to lower it before she can pull the trigger. "Don't," she protests quietly so as not to startle the animal nearby.

"Right," Sarah responds in a hushed tone, "Sorry." She's so hungry that she forgot how much noise she would have just caused right then, and Clementine takes her hand off the pistol when Sarah lowers her arms.

Clementine curiously eyes the bird for a moment. They can't shoot it, but if they get any closer it's sure to notice them and fly away. Momentarily bending down to the ground with an idea in mind, she obtains a large stone by her feet and extends her arm out towards Sarah. "Use this."

"What?" she blurts in disbelief. "You want me to throw a rock at it?"

"You were gonna shoot it," shrugs Clementine as if the answer is obvious, clearly feeling no emotion towards the subject. "What's the difference?"

Sarah ponders her question for a moment, observing the rock in the younger girl's hand. "I don't know, it just seems so… _cruel_ ," she grimaces. "At least with a bullet it wouldn't feel anything."

"It won't feel anything with a rock either," Clementine points out, chuckling softly at her ridiculous statement.

"Why don't you do it?" asks Sarah, taking a step back as if she's afraid of the object.

"I could…" she says, raising the pitch of her voice. "But, you're gonna have to do things like this sooner or later, Sarah."

Normally Clementine is the one that does all the hunting, and skinning of the animals for that matter, but as much as she hates to admit it, one day she might not be here, and Sarah will have to know how to do these things for herself whether she wants to or not. It's just the way it is now.

"Consider this another lesson," grins Clementine in an uplifting tone, referring to all the shooting practices they've had in the past.

Sarah stares down at the stone once more, chewing on her bottom lip in debate.

"It's fine, it's just like shooting a gun," she encourages, gently taking Sarah's hand and placing the rock in her palm. Clementine gazes up at the bird once more. She leans into her and grips the older girl's shoulders while standing beside her, and Sarah reluctantly follows her gaze. "Just… take a breath, aim, and fire."

She's killed a few animals with her gun before, but never like this. Still, a part of her knows they have to eat, and things like these should be easy for her by now.

Sarah takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly before eyeing her target with determination.

A part of Clementine _does_ think she should do it herself, but she also doesn't want to give her the impression that she doesn't think Sarah is capable. So, Clementine steps away, and waits patiently for her to act. She glances to Sarah in silence, who draws her arm back in preparation after a few suspenseful moments.

The stone launches ahead, and they both watch it soar in anticipation, before the crow shrieks loudly and its large black wings start to flap frantically from its spot on the branch. It flies away when the rock collides with the tree trunk next to it, and the repeated sound of its screeching caws gradually fades away as the animal takes off in the opposite direction.

Wincing, Clementine slowly turns to face Sarah, who is only staring after it with a baffled expression, her jaw hanging low. She doesn't say anything from the fear of upsetting her, so Clementine waits until the other girl breaks the silence.

"Well," Sarah says after a while, still staring forward. "There goes our dinner."

Clementine can't help the soft chuckle that escapes her from the girl's reaction, but she quickly presses her lips together when Sarah only glares at her in response, completely serious.

"It's fine. Really," Clementine scrambles to assure her when she suddenly notices the glum look on Sarah's face. Despite the sliver of disappointment she feels inside, she attempts to sound as uplifting as possible.

Sarah knows she's only saying that to make her feel better, and even more guilt floods towards her just from hearing Clementine's words. "I'm sorry," she apologizes with hurt in her tone. "I told you, you should have done it."

"No, no, it's okay," she interjects frantically, suddenly afraid the other girl might start to cry. "It's just a bird. Really, it's no big deal."

Exhaling, Sarah continues to stare after the tree where the animal had been just a minute earlier, remaining completely unresponsive.

"You can't get better if you don't practice, right?" asks Clementine delicately, stepping towards her.

"I guess so," she mumbles, shrugging while looking down at her own intertwined hands.

Sarah refuses to make eye contact, and a part of Clementine regrets making her do it in the first place if it meant she would be this upset. After a moment, she gestures a hand out towards her. "Come on," Clementine mumbles with a soft smile, "Let's go home."

They continue their path in silence, and she notices Sarah staring down at her shoes in shame the whole time. She's unsure of what else to say to make her feel better, so she decides not to say anything at all.

Eventually, they hike to the top of the familiar grassy hill at the edge of the forest, and the setting sun casts down on them when they emerge from the woods.

In the distance, the various rows of houses finally meet their eyes, and they both find solace in the sight of it after such a long day. Sarah and Clementine vault over the wooden fence that separates the forest from the neighbourhood ahead of them, and they walk alongside each other towards the house at the end of the block.


	2. Forgive me, I'm so very, very sorry

A/N: For this chapter, please listen to 'The Crooked Kind' by Radical Face to get you in the right feels!

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2\. Forgive me, I'm so very, very sorry

* * *

 _Clementine runs and runs as fast as her shaking legs can carry her, and she struggles to decipher her surroundings through the darkness while advancing deeper into the woods._

 _"Sarah!" she shouts with desperation, but the girl's silhouette only continues to sprint further away from her in the distance. "Sarah, wait!" she continues to call out while stumbling on her own feet, but she isn't even sure if the girl can hear her. "Stop!"_

 _Clementine doesn't know how long it is when her cowering figure finally slows, and she lessens her own pace as she gets nearer._

 _Coming to a halt, Clementine's hands brace herself on her knees while she gasps for air, and all that can be heard for a while is the sound of distant gunfire somewhere behind them._

 _"You- you can't run off on your own like that," she pants, "We have to stick together."_

 _Sarah doesn't directly face her, and her eyes frantically scan the dark forest around her instead. Her chest begins to rise and fall rapidly, and she can't even hear Clementine over the sound of her own panicked breaths._

 _"Oh, no…" breaths Sarah, worriedly snapping her head in all directions before tightly covering her hands over her ears and squeezing her eyes shut. "No, no, no… Daddy…" Sarah's voice wavers before beginning to repeatedly mutter words that only herself can understand._

 _Clementine uneasily glances around them, before eyeing the girl's backside with concern brimming in her eyes. "Are you okay?" Her hand subconsciously reaches outwards, but her fingertips don't quite reach her for fear of startling the distressed girl, and instead only hovers a distance away._

 _I don't… I don't know where I am," Sarah whimpers through trembling breaths, before aimlessly pacing around as if in search of something. "We're lost. I- I have to get back to him!" her voice rises to a shout, before dissolving into something barely audible. "Please… he protects me."_

 _"Sarah, just calm down," comforts Clementine with a delicate tone as she watches the frightened girl stride in circles around them. "It's gonna be okay."_

 _Finally, Sarah stops a few feet away, and her back remains turned to her. Attempting to compose herself, she focuses on levelling her heartrate, taking steady breaths one after the other._

 _Clementine awkwardly shifts her stance after a moment, rubbing her arm. "I'm sorry… about your dad." It's all she can manage to say, and the horrible image is still fresh in her mind. She can only imagine how Sarah must be feeling after seeing something like that happen right in front of her._

 _The girl still doesn't seem to be listening. She's only standing motionless with her arms wrapped tightly around herself now, and her head hangs low to the ground._

 _"But… we can't stay here," Clementine continues, glancing around nervously. "We have to keep moving."_

 _She doesn't reply, and Clementine finds herself uncomfortable at Sarah's sudden change of emotions._

 _"Sarah… I need you to listen to me right now," she steps closer, but the girl remains unmoving. "We have to find the others. They said they would meet us, remember?" There's no response, but Clementine is only worrying about how far they've gone since she started chasing her just a few minutes earlier. "You know where it is, right? You've been there before?"_

 _"I don't- I don't remember," Sarah begins to sob while burying her face in her hands, and Clementine instantly regrets asking so many questions at once._

 _"Okay, that's okay," she attempts to sound uplifting, raising the pitch of her voice in the softest tone possible. "We can find it together… okay?" Clementine approaches her from behind, and she hopes her words are at least enough to get the girl to turn around._

 _It turns quiet between them again, and Clementine's shoulders fall with a sigh._

 _She can't expect Sarah to want to talk to her right now, especially after what just happened. Even she recalls countless days of her own where she just wanted to lock herself away from the world and never come out, but now isn't the best time to completely shut down, especially now that they've been separated from everyone else._

 _"I know what you're going through. But right now, I_ need _you to focus," pleads Clementine. "The others can't be too far. We just have to go…" Her sentence dies on her lips when she turns to observe their surroundings, and it isn't until then that she, too, realizes she doesn't have a clue of where they are._

 _It's nearly pitch dark around them, and Clementine can hardly see a few feet in front of her from the shadows of the countless groaning trees than tower over them. She's not even sure which direction they came from. It all just looks exactly the same, and suddenly the chilling night breeze feels so much colder on her skin._

 _The snarling horde of walkers can't be heard anymore, and she realizes the repeated gunfire has finally stopped, too. It only makes her wonder how long the two of them have actually been out here, and how far away Sarah had managed to run._

 _The unusual silence is haunting, and Clementine only hopes there aren't any more walkers lingering nearby._

 _She forces herself to remain composed in front of Sarah, despite the slight panic she feels inside. Sarah is the only one between the two of them that has any idea of where they need to_ go, _and they may never see their group again if she doesn't co-operate._

 _When Clementine turns to face her once more, she finds Sarah now sitting on the ground of the forest with her legs crossed underneath her, and she's expectantly staring forward into nothing._

 _"What are you doing?" asks Clementine while looking down at her, confused as to how she is suddenly so calm._

 _She doesn't speak for a while, and Clementine can't see her face, but her soft and emotionless voice finally sounds again. "Waiting," she says simply._

 _"For what?"_

 _"For my dad," responds Sarah quietly, as if the answer is obvious, and Clementine only stares back with a stunned expression when realization suddenly hits her._

 _"Your… your dad's not coming." It takes all the strength in her to muster those unfortunately true words, but she can't lie to her. It wouldn't be right._

 _"He- he said that if I ever get lost… that I should just stay put because… he'll find me," Sarah explains slowly, and her weak voice cracks further with every word. "He'll always find me."_

 _Clementine feels a part of herself shatter at the hopeless sight, and she bends down towards Sarah's hunched form. "Please, Sarah," she tugs on the girl's arm, but she refuses to stand. "Just…_ please _get up."_

 _"No!" Sarah snaps in anger while jerking her hands away. "We just have to wait! Just a little bit longer... He'll be here."_

 _Clementine steps back, and a tired sigh escapes her lungs. "No… he won't." She hates to tell her this, but she can't just let the girl remain in a state of denial. She deserves to know the truth, even if it breaks her. "I'm sorry."_

 _"Stop_ telling _me that!" shouts Sarah, and Clementine flinches from her sudden outburst. "You don't know that!" As she speaks, she rises to a stand and faces her, and it's the first time they've made eye contact since she was first followed into the woods._

 _"Yes, I do," Clementine responds firmly, and she finds her own voice rising in volume._

 _"No, you don't! You think you know everything but you_ don't! _"_

 _"That's not true!" Clementine yells back defensively, irritation rising inside from the awful accusation._

 _"You don't understand! He means everything to me!" Sarah continues to argue, and her voice breaks all over again. "You're just a little kid! You don't- you don't know what it's like!"_

 _"Stop it!"_

 _"You don't even_ have _a dad!" Sarah yells over her as if she isn't even listening, and all of Clementine's argument quickly dies on her tongue._

 _Clementine's eyes widen in shock, and she's stunned by the harsh words. Neither of them say anything anymore, and she only stares back at Sarah with tears brimming in her big eyes._

 _She huffs, pouting in an attempt to stop herself from crying right then. "That's not fair!" Clementine shouts with her fists clenched by her sides, and her trembling voice cracks louder than she expected._

 _That hurts her, more than anything. It had been the last thing she expected to hear,_ especially _from Sarah. It hurts even more knowing that it came from her. But as they stare into each other's eyes with hurt expressions aimed at the other, Clementine realizes that a part of herself understands how Sarah feels._

 _She's right. Clementine has no one. She doesn't have any family left, not anymore. And she has no right to talk about the girl's dad like that when she doesn't even have one of her own._

 _And Sarah – she had Carlos for so long, and they meant the world to each other. It's rare to have something like that these days, even if it doesn't end up lasting. Then he was just brutally taken from her in an instant. It had happened so fast._

 _Sarah hardly reacts, but insecurity rushes over Clementine as the unfortunately true words continue to echo in her mind, and she suddenly feels so ashamed._

 _Sarah only turns her back to her once more, as if she hadn't just said what she did. "Please, just leave me alone!" she pleads, walking a few steps away. "He's- he's gonna find me, and… and then it'll all be okay. You'll see." The confidence in her voice slowly descends as she speaks, and a part of Sarah knows that she's only lying to herself now._

 _It can't be true. It just_ can't _be._

 _"You'll see," Sarah repeats, barely audible this time. At this point, she's not even sure whether she's trying to convince Clementine anymore. Maybe she's only trying to convince herself, and the shame washes heavier over her._

 _It's hauntingly silent between them, and as Clementine stares longingly at the other girl's backside with tears fresh in her own eyes, she just_ knows _._

 _She had been breaking so slowly, and the longer it went on, the more it hurt her. Until finally, everything just shattered in an instant, and now there's nothing left for her to hold on to._

 _And helplessly, Clementine had watched it all happen, inevitably unravelling right in front of her._

 _"Sarah…" she croaks, her voice just above a whisper. "I'm_ so _sorry," and that's all it takes for Sarah to start sobbing right then and there._

 _Her shoulders shake as she weeps, and Clementine feels her own heart crumbling just from the sight of her. She suddenly feels so much farther away from her friend, and all that can be heard for a while is Sarah's heart-aching cries._

 _She doesn't know what to do. What can she say to someone who had just lost_ everything _that mattered to her?_

 _Clementine tightly presses her lips together, fighting with herself, and she's at a loss for words. But, she's been there before. Sarah was wrong, she_ does _know what it's like. She knows it all too well._

 _So, Clementine does the only thing she has the strength for, and she finds herself lunging forward in an instant, tightly wrapping her arms around Sarah's midsection from behind._

 _Sarah jerks forward from the sudden gesture, and she lets out another loud sob with her eyes squeezed shut._

 _For a moment, it's as if she's trying to break free from the smaller girl's hold, but Clementine refuses to let go, only continuing to embrace her with her cheek pressed firmly against the girl's back. Until finally, Sarah completely gives in, and she melts into her in defeat, latching onto Clementine's arms with desperation._

 _"He's… he's just…_ gone _," Sarah chokes out through hitched breaths, and she's not even sure whether it's a question or not._

 _Clementine burrows her face deeper into Sarah's backside, just to remind her that she's there, and her tear-filled eyes are squeezed shut, too._

 _Neither of them say anything after that, and they stay there for a while as Sarah pours out what's left of her broken heart._

 _It's cold and dark around them. But even without a clue of where they are, they stay there, with Clementine tightly hugging her from behind with everything she has, and truly wishing she could take the pain away._


	3. All too sore for sound

A/N: My song recommendation for this chapter is 'Wash' by Bon Iver. :)

* * *

3\. All too sore for sound

* * *

As Sarah swings open one of the kitchen cupboards in search of something to eat, she finds herself hesitating soon after, and glances over her shoulder towards Clementine.

She's sitting at the kitchen table with the contents of her backpack splayed out on the surface, and is lazily slumped in the chair with her ankles crossed on top of the table. Her baseball cap hangs low over her eyes, and she seems to be purely focused on loading the pistol she holds in her hands, or… whatever it is she's doing.

Sarah pulls a can out of the cupboard and stops herself as she brushes past the dining table. It's completely silent between them as Sarah's eyes nervously scan the ground, then back up towards Clementine once more. All that can be heard is the clattering sound of her grabbing another magazine from the table, and loading it into the second weapon.

Sarah opens her mouth as if she's about to say something, but then thinks that she may be bothering her if she does so, and only ends up shutting her lips again when no sound comes out.

Clementine smirks, pretending not to notice how she can see Sarah constantly turning around then back again in her peripheral vision, as if she's unsure whether she wants to leave or not, even though she's right in front of her and she can clearly see her.

A part of Clementine just wants to say ' _Yes_?' but the other part of her finds it quite comical how much Sarah looks like a nervous schoolgirl with a crush at this very moment. So, she waits instead, solely thinking about how adorable she's being right now.

Just as Sarah is about to walk away, she whips around once more and finds herself blurting out almost all too quickly, "Can you teach me how to hunt… sometime?" Her voice comes out louder than she intended, and it wavers insecurely as the sentence goes on.

Clementine only blinks up at her from underneath the rim of her hat. Her hands freeze around the gun, and she curiously searches Sarah's odd expression. She doesn't know what she expected her to say, but it hadn't been that.

"Uh… yeah, sure," Clementine slowly lowers her legs from the table after a while, placing the pistol on the surface next to her, but Sarah's gaze shies away from her own. "Is… there any particular reason why?"

In response, the other girl simply shrugs her shoulders at first while shyly twisting around the can in her hands. "I wanna get better at it… like you."

A flicker of a smile appears on Clementine's face from the implied compliment. She knows Sarah looks up to her - she always has, ever since they met. But after all this time, comments like those still manage to catch her off guard sometimes.

It doesn't require much more than that for her to know that Sarah is still upset about the bird incident the day before, even though she had brushed it off when she repeatedly apologized for it.

Sarah knows it's a stupid thing to get distressed about - having a terrible throw that ended up costing them a whole meal. But, Clementine is always the one providing for them. For once, she just wanted to do something right, and maybe they wouldn't have to starve as much as they do. It would've been the least she could do after everything Clementine has done for her, and not just regarding meals.

* * *

The next morning, Sarah feels gentle hands awakening her from her sleep, and the familiar figure standing over her spot on the bed is enough to make up for the harsh light that stings her eyes.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Clementine greets with a soft grin and her voice just about a whisper.

When Sarah asks her why she'd been woken up so early, Clementine only tells her to pack her bag for the day and to meet her downstairs when she's ready, all while delicately stroking Sarah's hair as the older girl lays there curled on her side. Then without further words, she bounds out the bedroom door before Sarah even has time to admire the quick gesture.

Nearly an hour later, they're hiking through the woods behind the neighbourhood with their rucksacks hauled on their backs, and clothed for the summer heat, but neither of them say much to each other on their path through the crowded forest.

"You still haven't told me where we're going," Sarah finally comments while trailing a few paces behind Clementine, her hands tightly gripping the straps of her backpack.

"I know," she responds after a moment, and Sarah doesn't miss the smug tone in her voice as she watches Clementine duck her head underneath a low branch.

"So…" Sarah's voice trails expectantly as she pushes away the same branch when she walks under it, the dead leaves rustling loudly by her ears.

"Relax," she coaxes while briefly glancing to her over her shoulder. "It'll be fun… trust me," and knowing Clementine as well as she does, Sarah soon discovers she isn't going to get a proper answer out of her any time soon.

It isn't until they near the edge of the forest that the distant sound of running water begins to reach Sarah's ears, and after emerging from the edge of the brush, her eyes are finally met with the shimmering stream of water that flows at the bottom of the rocky hill before them.

They've been here before - merely passed through it a couple of times since they started living in the neighbourhood. And after a while, Sarah and Clementine have had plenty of time to get to know the area, but there's something about the way bright morning sun stunningly glistens off the water's surface that makes Sarah feel like she's seeing it for the first time again.

The sound of waterfalls and chirping birds brings a rare feeling of peacefulness that Sarah hadn't thought existed anymore, and she watches as the current rushes over large flat stones that flows downwards into the expansive pool below. There are more trees on the other side, but the river itself seems to go on farther than either of them can see.

"What are we doing here?" Sarah asks with slumped shoulders while staring in confusion at the stream below.

Clementine quickly strides past her, and has already begun making her way down the hill and towards the river before Sarah even has time to react. Creating distance between the two of them, the girl turns to face Sarah after a moment, now walking backwards with her arms outstretched triumphantly.

"Ever gone fishing before?" Clementine calls out to her over the sound of the rushing water, and Sarah only blankly stares after the girl with bewilderment as her figure moves farther away.

A wide grin from Clementine is flashed her way, and when she whips around again to continue sauntering down to the stream, Sarah scoffs at how unusually enthusiastic the girl seems to be.

Shaking her head and chucking softly to herself, Sarah calls back with a hand held by the side of her mouth. "You're ridiculous, you know that?" she teases, then runs down after her with excitement suddenly bubbling inside.

* * *

After removing their shoes and backpacks, as well as rolling their pant legs up to their knees, Sarah and Clementine settle in a shallow area of the river near the shore, hoping to catch fish with less difficulty in calmer waters that way.

Without proper fishing gear, they had created makeshift weapons instead, with only their pocket knives and a couple of large sticks, in which Clementine had showed her how to properly shave the edge of the wood to create a spear.

When Clementine is finished going over the basics, Sarah observes as the other girl hovers her weapon above the water in demonstration. A long piece of rope Clementine obtained from her backpack is wrapped around her arm, and her form is buckled warily with her eyes focusing intently on the fish beneath the surface.

But then for a moment, Sarah's gaze subconsciously trails away from the water, and instead glances up to Clementine as they stand knee-deep in the river.

She'd tied a knot at the hem of her white V-neck t-shirt, and Sarah doesn't miss how the fabric tightly sits above her hips, and a fragment of her bare stomach remains exposed.

"Okay, just… line it up, follow it, hold it steady, and…" Clementine slowly narrates, completely unaware of Sarah's lingering eyes.

A few suspenseful moments pass by, before the spear is swiftly plunged into the water and emerges a second later with a struggling fish impaled on its end.

All distractions are brushed aside as Sarah stares in shock at the squirming animal, and Clementine smirks triumphantly at the girl's baffled expression.

Stepping towards the shore and bending down by the rocks, Sarah watches as she unwraps the rope from her arm and manages to securely tie it around the writhing fish without it slipping away.

"Why are you doing that?" asks Sarah curiously, staring at her backside.

"It's called a stringer. Well, the best I could make of one, anyway," she explains while attaching the other end of the rope to the trunk of a nearby tree, allowing the animal to remain in the water while still preventing it from swimming away. "It's so the fish can stay alive until you're ready to cook it, otherwise if it's already dead, it'll go bad without an ice cooler to keep it fresh." Clementine finishes the last knot, and rises to join Sarah in the shallows after a minute. "Okay, now you try."

Nervously pursing her lips at the suggestion, Sarah's eyes soon begin scanning all around her in search of any movement in the water.

When she finally makes out the figure of another fish swimming towards her beneath the ripples, she raises her spear in preparation as it approaches. It scurries away when she plunges the weapon into the water, and all she ends up doing is creating a large splash before her.

Sarah sighs audibly at her failed attempt. "I don't get it," she says frustratingly, her shoulders slumping. "How are you so good at this?"

Clementine shrugs in response as she stands a few feet away. "A friend taught me… once," she begins, but her longing gaze sinks to the ground as she recalls those countless days after Savannah, and the unfortunate incident at a rest stop's bathroom that ended up costing her dear friend's life. "It was a long time ago, though," she shakes her head after a second, attempting to brush the memory away.

Sarah doesn't respond for a while, and only continues to stare down at the water in search of another target. "Well, it's a good thing I have you, then," she says.

Clementine's eyes flicker upwards from underneath her eyelashes, and she feels a shy smile tugging at the ends of her lips.

"You know, to teach me these things," Sarah continues, who glances up at her before her gaze falls downwards once more. "I'd probably be useless on my own."

"That's not true, you know," she protests, her mood falling as it always does whenever Sarah puts herself down. Clementine only wishes the other girl didn't feel that way about herself.

"I'm just saying, you're more… built for this life," Sarah points out, insecurity of her own skills suddenly washing over her. "You know, like, hunting and all that. You make it look so easy."

Clementine ponders over her statement for a few moments. She never really thought about herself that way. Sure, she had always been an outdoor kind of girl, and she doesn't really struggle with fending for herself, but that doesn't mean she never used to.

"It hasn't _always_ been easy for me. Besides, you've come a long way too, Sarah," Clementine adds encouragingly. "You give yourself less credit than you deserve."

With her gaze still fixed on the water, Sarah only shrugs her shoulders hopelessly. "Maybe," she mumbles in a soft voice, sounding far from convinced.

After that, Clementine only watches from her spot in the water as Sarah jabs the spear towards another roaming fish. It darts away in an instant, but she continues to desperately stab at another one without luck. All that can be heard is the aggressive swishing of the water, and Clementine struggles not to laugh from how ridiculous Sarah looks.

"Here," Clementine chuckles softly while approaching her side. "Keep your hand down here," her palms reach for Sarah's own, and she guides them into proper positioning. "That way you'll have more control over it. And… try to aim a little _in front_ of the fish instead of directly at it, that way it'll swim right into the spear when you bring it down."

"Right, got it," nods Sarah with confidence, and Clementine steps away when she lifts the weapon once more.

A few moments pass by in anticipation, and once Sarah's eyes set on another target, the spear is quickly submerged into the water once more. When she jerks it out with a splash, a wriggling fish is pierced on the stick's end, and the girl nearly jumps from the sight. "I did it!" she exclaims in excitement.

"See?" beams Clementine. "It's not so hard once you get the hang of it."

Afterwards, she shows her how to properly attach it to the stringer while double checking that it won't get away, and it takes both their pairs of hands to restrain the struggling fish as they tie it with the rope.

When they're finished, and Clementine begins making her way back out to the shallow water, she spots another fish nearly twice the size as the last one swimming directly their way.

"Wait," her hand hovers in front of Sarah so as not to startle the approaching animal, and Clementine suddenly feels herself boasting with confidence. "I got this big one," she tells her, smirking.

Her eyes never leave her target, and Clementine raises her spear as the swerving fish nears her legs from underneath the ripples. She viciously jabs at the unaware animal, but it bolts to the other side of her in an instant. She whips around to stab at it again, only to end up falling forward onto her hands and knees with a mighty splash, and the fish races in the opposite direction.

Sarah bursts out laughing as Clementine remains there, now motionless in the water with her soaking wet hat hanging over her eyes, completely obscuring her vision. Now completely drenched, she slowly lifts her cap to glare at Sarah from underneath the rim, who only continues to giggle at Clementine's failed attempt.

"Hey, they're really fast, okay?" defends Clementine with all seriousness, slowly rising to a stand and flicking her arms in an attempt to shake the water off.

She can't help but feel embarrassed after how quickly her confidence had just been thrown out the window. She'd tried to be impressive, and all it had ended in was her falling like a clumsy idiot right in front of Sarah.

"Don't laugh at me," Clementine pouts with knitted brows, but fails to prevent the grin that reaches her lips, and the slight chuckle that comes afterwards.

"Okay, okay, I won't, sorry," Sarah gasps through her constant giggles. "Just… that looked _really_ funny."

Her laughing fit is quickly interrupted when an enormous splash of water suddenly hits Sarah in the face, and her entire body freezes up from the unexpected wave.

"Who's laughing now?" Clementine teases, a wide grin now plastered on her face from the sight of Sarah's jaw hanging low and her eyes squeezed shut from the water.

Only grumbling in response, Sarah pretends to be upset while the other girl is occupied with giggling to herself.

Clementine's soaked t-shirt is completely see through now, and the fact that Sarah can see her bra only adds another distraction on top of the girl's partially exposed stomach.

"Hey!" Clementine gasps when another wave is sent in her direction, splashing her in the face. After locking eyes on Sarah, she treads through the water towards the other girl's cowering form.

"Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" laughs Sarah, who frantically backs away with her hands held out in front of her. "Clem, no- don't! I'm serious!" she squeals in protest right before getting tackled to the ground, and they both plunge into the water with a loud splash.

They chase each other through the shallow stream until neither of them remember why they had been here in the first place, laughing and shouting like they're both little kids again. As if they are living in a normal world.

They don't know how long it is until exhaustion finally overpowers their goal to tackle one another, and they soon find themselves with barely enough air in their lungs to speak.

So, they collapse on the shore afterwards, both lying on their backs and gasping for breath. They're soaking wet, but they don't mind how uncomfortable their clothes feel as they cling to their shivering bodies.

Neither one of them can remember how long it's been, where they hadn't been worrying about _something_. They're always so cautious, and focused on what they need to do, _especially_ Clementine. Normally, she would never let them become so distracted.

But Sarah – she makes her feel… _something,_ that she didn't think she could feel anymore. Like, her childhood was never stolen from her. Or… like the world isn't as bad as it seems.

"Come on," Clementine breaths after a while of relaxation, finally forcing herself to stand.

Sarah sits up afterwards, and while she follows the younger girl in the direction of the fish stringer they had set up earlier, she removes her wet glasses from her face to wipe the water droplets from the lenses.

"Now, for the fun part," says Clementine as she begins to untie the rope from the tree trunk, and Sarah isn't even sure whether she's being sarcastic or not. "What do you say I show you how to skin one of these guys?" she asks in a sly tone, fully aware of how unenthusiastic the girl would be about such a thing.

In contrast to Clementine's devious smirk in that moment, Sarah only sighs heavily in response, and her shoulders fall in disappointment.

She always _did_ have an odd definition of 'fun'.


	4. The dreams we lost along the way

A/N: I'm kinda getting carried away with the song recommendations (there will be more!) but please listen to 'To Whom It May Concern' by the Civil Wars for this one. As I always say, to get you in the right feels!

* * *

4\. The dreams we lost along the way

* * *

 _Clementine squints from the heavy rain that pellets against them as messy strands of her hair blow in all directions across her face. She's freezing, and the sudden gust of wind that crashes into her sends another creeping shiver crawling throughout her body._

" _Clementine!" Sarah shouts to her over the sound of rumbling thunder, shielding her eyes with a raised palm._

 _It's nearly pitch black around them, without a single light providing any sense of direction except for the occasional lightning strike that casts a blinding light all around them. It's all they have to use as guidance, but regardless of their poor visibility, the two girls don't slow their steps for a moment._

 _Just as Clementine feels herself wanting to collapse from the exhaustion, another startling flash of lightning flickers from above as they emerge from the woods, and she suddenly realizes what Sarah had been looking at._

 _She sees it too now, and the sight of that farm house alone, in the midst of a raging thunderstorm, is like a beacon in the dark night sky._

 _Without further words, they both make a beeline for the isolated building in the distance, frantically stumbling on their own feet as they bolt through the heavy downpour._

 _The house is completely isolated within the expansive field before them, surrounded by nothing but tall yellow grass that sways repeatedly from the aggressive wind. The entirety of it looks as if it is untouched – no destroyed walls or windows, or any sign that the place may be abandoned in comparison to nearly every other building they've seen. It's two storeys, and has a short staircase that leads up to the porch. The landing, as well as its white railing, circles around the entire front of the house, and there are tall pointed roofs above every window._

 _Clementine's eyes are glued to Sarah's backside who runs just a few feet ahead of her, but the aggressive snarling close by gradually fades into her ears once more._

 _When she peers over her shoulder, her eyes are met with another stumbling figure heading directly towards her, and Clementine hadn't even realized it had emerged from the brush behind them. She slows her pace, the walker now approaching from her side with its flailing arms clawing pathetically at the air._

" _Clem!" In a panic, Sarah frantically warns her from up ahead, who has now halted in her tracks and is worriedly observing the rotting corpse that nears the young girl._

" _Keep going!" Clementine shouts back, figuring she won't be able to outrun the walker with the storm already putting her at a disadvantage. "I'm right behind you!"_

 _Reluctant to continue without her, Sarah hesitantly watches in the distance as Clementine retrieves her hammer from the back of her jeans with determination. The younger girl turns away from her without another word, facing the stumbling walker instead._

 _Just before it's rotting hands can snatch her, Clementine grunts when her weapon is violently plunged into its skull, and Sarah turns to run in the opposite direction before the body falls to the ground._

 _While Clementine catches her breath, another walker gradually fades into view just as the first one tumbles at her feet, and she cautiously holds her hammer out in front of her once more. With her forearm shielding her eyes, she strides towards it with aching muscles._

 _Another flash of lightning strikes from above, the jolting thunder grumbling soon after._

 _The walker's low snarls now vibrant in her ears, she finds herself standing face to face with the corpse that towers over her, and she briefly peers up at it before raising her weapon above her head. Due to Clementine's height, as well as her obscured vision, the hammer doesn't quite reach its head, and she impales the side of its neck instead._

 _With one forceful tug, the body is roughly pulled to the ground, and it collapses at the girl's feet as she takes a large step back. Now fallen face forward, the walker's head barely lifts from the mud before the weapon is jabbed into the back of its skull, and the body goes limp when Clementine yanks it free with a spray of blood._

 _Scanning her surroundings, she struggles to decipher whether there are more coming, but she sprints towards Sarah in the opposite direction before any potential others can reach her._

 _The older girl just arrives on the porch as Clementine races up the stairs close behind her, and Sarah practically collides with the front door from how fast she had been running. She wastes no time in yanking on the knob with a grunt, but the thing refuses to budge._

" _Hello?! Is anyone in there?!" Clementine yells over the howling wind, frantically banging her palms against the locked door._

" _Please, let us in!" pleads Sarah._

 _The screen door rattles as they both pound on the door with rising desperation, only hoping the storm won't kill them before the walkers that are bound to be near are able to do it first._

 _Hopelessly, Clementine finally distances herself from the door, and another idea comes to mind as she races towards the window at the other end of the porch._

 _Sarah continues to bang on the screen, shouting for anybody that may be in the house._

 _With both hands, Clementine struggles to lift the window, and she leans into the wall with all her strength as she pulls. "Sarah!" she shouts, attracting the other girl's attention._

 _Sarah instantly rushes to her side when she sees her attempting to get the window open, helping in pushing it upwards as her disheveled hair is blown in all directions._

 _With their combined efforts, the window suddenly bursts open, and they push it up the rest of the way when it momentarily gets jammed._

" _Quick, get in!" insists Sarah, gesturing towards the younger girl._

 _A hand still lingering on the frame, Sarah worriedly glances back the way they came as she waits for Clementine to crawl through head first. There are no walkers in sight, but she figures the two that Clementine had just run into can't be the only ones nearby._

 _Deciding it's best not to stick around and find out, Sarah hauls herself through the window as soon as the other girl disappears through the opening._

 _She tumbles through to the other side, frantically landing on her hands and knees of the house's interior, and Clementine tugs down on the window directly after she emerges. It shuts with a deafening bang, and then suddenly, all is silent around them._

 _With panting breaths, the two girls collapse onto their backs after a moment, and the relief from finally being safe indoors is almost overwhelming._

 _Neither of them say anything for a while, and as they both lay there in a soaking wet heap, all that can be heard is the howling wind and the pouring of the rain on the roof above them._

" _You… you okay?" Clementine finally breaths, turning her head to face Sarah on the floor next to her._

" _Yeah," she responds, aimlessly staring up at the ceiling with her hands resting by her head. "You?"_

" _Yeah," says Clementine, though a part of her flashes back to the sheer panic they had experienced just minutes before, and the fact that she wasn't sure if it would ever end._

 _Sarah swallows through the dryness of her throat, and with her chest continuously expanding and deflating from her pounding heartbeat, she pants through labored breaths, "I never thought… a hardwood floor… could be so comfortable."_

 _Clementine chuckles softly at that, the tension of the situation finally dissolving between them. "Well," she slowly pushes herself upright with strained effort, "better than out there, at least."_

 _Sarah soon follows, shifting to join Clementine who is now sitting up on her knees by the closed window they had just crawled through. Their shoulders brush against each other's, and with paired frowns, they silently stare outwards at the violent storm before them as wet droplets trail down the glass._

 _Clementine sadly rests her chin on her forearms, her mind only wondering whether they would have survived the night out there if they hadn't found this house when they did._

" _Guess this means we're stuck in here," Sarah observes with her fingertips gripping the windowsill. "How long do you think it'll be before the storm stops?"_

 _Clementine's gaze remains fixed out the window, and she ponders the question for a moment. "Probably not until morning," she presumes with disappointment._

" _Do you think we'll be safe here? Until then?" asks Sarah. The house can't be any more dangerous than outside, but a part of her is still fearful of the possibilities._

" _We're gonna have to be," Clementine sighs. She rises to a stand with slumped shoulders and brushes the wet strands of hair from her eyes. "Come on," she says, suddenly reminded of the fact that they're most likely going to be sleeping in an unfamiliar house tonight. "We should probably check the place out. Make sure there's no one else here."_

 _As she speaks, Sarah pushes herself to her feet, ignoring the uncomfortable feeling of wet clothes brushing against her skin. After firmly tugging down on the hem of her sweater, she releases a sharp sigh with forced confidence in her tone. "Right behind you."_

* * *

 _When they wake up, Sarah and Clementine are quick to decide that they want to stay at the house for at least for a few days more. They have no where else to go – no sense of direction, and after their thorough search of the place upon arrival, it was quickly determined from the lack of supplies found and nearly empty rooms that no one had lived here in a while._

 _They'd woken up with sore muscles in the morning, merely just from having a restful sleep after such a chaotic night of running for their lives. But on top of that, Sarah had begun to notice how often Clementine had been coughing._

 _She'd thought nothing of it of first, figuring it wasn't something worth mentioning. Not until the symptom had only continued to worsen throughout the day._

" _Are you… feeling okay?" Sarah asked out of concern for the girl's health, but Clementine had brushed the question off as if she hadn't been hacking continuously since they got here._

" _I'm fine," she'd told her dismissively, and Sarah soon realized that much was expected from a girl that never allowed attention brought onto herself._

 _Only a day later, Clementine had reached the point where she could no longer breathe easily through her mouth, and the constant sniffling and coughing from her had kept them_ both _up at night._

 _It isn't until she finds herself unable to get out of bed one day, her energy too drained to rise but her symptoms preventing her from getting a comfortable sleep, the answer became clear to both of them – Clementine was sick, and it was no doubt from the stormy weather they had unfortunately found themselves caught in just a few nights earlier._

 _So, the little girl burrows herself in the blankets of their comfortable bed, her hat delicately placed on the bedside table next to her, and Sarah's sweater comfortably worn around her shivering form._

 _It's clear that the garment is far too big for her, but after they'd hung their clothes up to dry, Clementine had snatched her hoodie up before Sarah could even react, then refused to give it back because she claimed it was warmer than her puffy jacket – which clearly isn't true. Still, Sarah hadn't argued about it after that, soon realizing that Clementine had probably gotten her germs all over it by now, anyway._

" _I told you. You should've let me take a look at you," persists Sarah as she sits on the edge of the mattress, peering down at the other girl._

 _Clementine sniffles, the blanket held tightly all the way up to her ears as she lays curled on her side. "It's nothing, really," she says in a small voice. "I'm just… tired." She briefly recalls the moment Sarah had previously insisted on making sure she wasn't dying or anything of the sorts. Clementine resisted, of course, claiming that a simple cough was hardly a big deal in a world such as their own._

 _Sarah sighs at her refusal to admit the obvious. There's no reason for her to be tired - they haven't been doing anything for two days,_ especially _her._

" _You're never tired," Sarah says softly, far from convinced. As in, it's not something Clementine would say._

 _She doesn't get a lot of sleep as it is, which is one of the many things that Sarah still doesn't know how she manages to do. But if anything, she's used to being tired, and isn't the one to ever bring such things to attention._

 _Then Clementine suddenly turns away from her, shifting to lay on her opposite side while facing the wall instead. An overwhelming wave of sorrow rushes over her, unfazed by how quickly it had taken Sarah to see through her lies. Still, she doesn't bother denying herself any further._

" _You shouldn't have to worry about me," Clementine says quietly, almost emotionless._

 _Sarah almost smirks at that, thinking about how much of a ridiculous thing that is for her to say. "It's my job," she replies, and her hand lifts to gently rest on the girl's forearm._

 _Clementine closes her eyes at that, but doesn't turn back to her. The simple physical gesture as well as Sarah's comforting words are enough to bring a tingling sensation to her nose – the first stage of beginning to cry. Clementine holds it back though, and instead, internally scolds herself for suddenly becoming so emotional, just because someone is showing genuine care for her._

 _It's a concept so unusual to her, as painfully true as that is. Sarah's words are soothing, yet almost foreign in a tragic way._

 _But she's right, it's the way it is now. They don't even know how long it's been since they last saw their group, or whether any of them even made it out alive, but if there's one thing they know for sure, it's that they'll take care of each other until then, and that's all they can do for the time being._

* * *

 _The next day, Clementine's sickness had only gotten worse._

 _Sarah presumes it isn't anything more than a common cold, possibly a fever, but it's hard enough having to generally fend for themselves while also taking care of a sick child without hardly any sources of medicine._

 _She still hasn't gotten out of bed, but she's been sleeping a lot throughout the day as well as the nights, much from Sarah's encouragement to get lots of rest._

 _And while wanting to provide as much company for the girl as possible, Sarah still finds herself sitting on the edge of their bed more often than usual, even when Clementine is asleep._

 _She'd just woken up, her soft tired eyes slowly fluttering into consciousness, and Sarah is there by her side holding a damp cloth to the girl's forehead._

 _The older girl had come upstairs to check on her only few minutes earlier, just to make sure she didn't need anything if she'd woken up. But Clementine had been completely still, just as she had left her, with the hood of Sarah's sweater pulled over her head while she slept like a soundless baby._

 _Careful not to wake her, she had raised a palm to the girl's forehead and felt that she'd been burning up more than usual. Then she realized that Clementine had been sweating as she lay there, yet she was curled underneath the covers with nothing but the top of her head peeking out, as if she were freezing at the same time._

" _How are you feeling?" Sarah comforts just above a whisper as she continues to dab the cold cloth to Clementine's skin._

" _Sick," she says miserably, her stuffy sinuses evident in her hoarse voice._

 _A part of Sarah finds it quite comical how angry Clementine looks as she says that, her blunt answer completely ruining the gentle tone Sarah was attempting to give off. Still, at least she's finally admitting to it._

" _What?" Clementine pouts with creased brows when she notices Sarah grinning at her, her voice muffled from the thick blanket she holds over her mouth._

" _Nothing, it's just… you look really cute right now," she admits in response._

 _Sarah knows a part of her should feel guilty for saying such a thing when Clementine feels so terrible, but the precious sight of her all tucked away with a red nose and half-lidded eyes only makes her want to giggle even more._

" _Oh, shut up," Clementine bickers, scrunching up her nose from the teasing comment._

 _They both know she hates being called that, but Sarah doesn't miss the faint smirk that hides behind her words._

 _She chuckles at Clementine's expected reaction before pressing the wet cloth against her head once more. "Hold this. I'll go get you some soup."_

 _One of Clementine's hands peek out from underneath the blanket, and Sarah bolts out the door after she weakly rolls onto her back to hold the towel to her own forehead. She can hear the thumping of Sarah's footsteps when the girl races down the stairs, then all is quiet as she's left alone._

 _Clementine doesn't realize she had almost fallen asleep again until she hears a loud thud at the doorway a few minutes later, followed by a hushed 'ow' from Sarah as she enters the room while rubbing her elbow._

" _Sit up," Sarah says after a moment while holding a bowl in one of her hands, careful not to spill its contents as she approaches the bed._

 _As Clementine does so, the older girl generously helps her shift the pillows with one hand as she returns to her place on the edge of the mattress. "It's not hot or anything. I just got it from a can, but I hope it still tastes good," Sarah informs while cautiously handing the soup to the younger girl._

 _Clementine sniffles, blood rushing down from her head as she sits up. "Thanks," she says softly, before raising the bowl to her lips and taking a sip._

" _I think there's something in it that's supposed to help with sore throats or… something like that," Sarah continues, shrugging her shoulders._

" _Sarah?" begins Clementine, breathing heavily through her mouth from her stuffed nose. "I mean it. Thanks for… you know, taking care of me," she says, her shy tone sounding as if she's embarrassed to admit to such a thing._

" _Well… yeah, of course. That's what friends do for each other," beams Sarah, as if her statement is obvious – as if Clementine doesn't need to be thanking her._

 _Still, she feels like she has to. Despite all the times it's been true in the past, Clementine was never the one to admit to needing help. Especially about something as insignificant as being sick._

" _Right," Clementine forces a weak smile, before raising the bowl to her lips once more._

 _She ponders Sarah's statement. It's a warm thought to have – that friends are supposed to be there for each other, but… Clementine wouldn't really know what that's like. She's still not even used to the fact that the two of them are considered friends in the first place._

" _I mean, I know I'm not as good a doctor as my dad was, but…" Sarah's rambling dissolves, completely oblivious to Clementine's dire thoughts, and her voice trails away into an uncomfortable silence._

 _Clementine tenses up in the middle of taking another sip, the bowl suddenly freezing against her mouth. Then, she slowly lowers it to her lap, awkwardly swallowing as Sarah remains unmoving at the mention of her father._

 _Clementine isn't sure what to say after that. Neither of them have spoken of Carlos since the night in the woods nearly a month earlier, after they had escaped Howe's. And judging by the sorrowful look on the other girl's face, she hadn't meant to mention him at all._

 _A while of silence passes by before Clementine speaks again in an attempt to change the subject. "Is that what you wanted to be?" she asks, her gaze lowering to the mattress between them._

" _Huh?" asks Sarah, her head perking up as if she had just been snapped out of her thoughts._

" _A doctor," Clementine clarifies._

" _Oh," she says, suddenly realizing that she's talking about before this all started, then begins to chew on her lip in thought. "I don't know. I know he wanted me to, but... I never really thought about it."_

 _Clementine nods faintly in understanding. Then her gaze trails downwards again as distant memories return to her, and she finds herself speaking her thoughts without even noticing it. "My mom was a doctor," she laments, and Clementine isn't even sure why she says it. Maybe she just wanted to take Sarah's mind off of her dad._

 _There's a brief lull between them, before Sarah's form suddenly perks in her seat, and the situation is significantly brighter._

" _Really?" she beams, "That's kinda cool. How we have that in common."_

 _Clementine had never mentioned her family to anyone - not even her past, for that matter. At least, not to Sarah. But the older girl is still glad it's something she's beginning to open up about, no matter how brief it may be._

" _What about you, what did you want to be?" questions Sarah, playfully nudging the other girl's knee._

 _Clementine's thoughts linger on the question. Now that the topic is brought to attention, it's not something she had ever been asked, let alone something she thought she would need to worry about again. Not with the world the way it is._

 _If she's honest with herself, Clementine is not really sure what she saw herself as. But thinking back to the girl she once was, and the dreams she sometimes still has for a brighter future, she finally decides on a plausible answer._

" _An artist, maybe," says Clementine, and the nearly forgotten memories of how much she used to love drawing connects with her again after so long._

 _She had distanced herself from hope a long time ago, but when she's with Sarah, the hopeless parts of her don't actually mind dreaming of what could have been._

" _Really? I didn't know you could draw." Sarah pulls her legs up and tucks them underneath her as she heavily shifts on the mattress, suddenly interested in the girl's supposedly hidden talents._

" _Well, I wouldn't say that I knew_ how _, I just… I know I liked doing it," explains Clementine as she casually sets the bowl on the bedside table._

 _An idea coming to mind, Sarah flashes her a wide grin. "You should show me one day."_

 _Clementine chuckles nervously, an inescapable blush rising to her cheeks at the unexpected suggestion. "I don't know, it's been a while," she shakes her head, embarrassed all of a sudden. "I don't really draw anymore."_

" _Oh," frowns Sarah in disappointment. "Why not?"_

 _She shrugs her shoulders, realizing it's a question that even_ she _isn't sure how to answer. Twisting her mouth in consideration, Clementine's fidgety hands tightly grip her own ankles as she sits cross-legged underneath the blanket. "It just kinda… reminds me of things, you know? Like home."_

 _Then realization finally hits Sarah at the insecurity evident in Clementine's somber tone. She figures it's probably best not to push the fragile subject any further, but that nearly foreign word only continues to echo in Sarah's mind._

She _had a home… once. And Clementine – where_ is _her home, anyway? The question lingers at the tip of her tongue, but maybe that's something Clementine will eventually choose to share with her in the future._

 _Instead, Sarah simply sends her a delicate smile, and hopes it's enough to at least lift the girl's spirits. "Well," she absentmindedly adjusts the blankets covering Clementine's lap. "Maybe that'll all change one day."_

 _Her dreary thoughts of the past now drowning out the desire to speak, Clementine only flashes a weak smirk that vanishes all too soon, although she admires Sarah's optimism for a better future._

 _The older girl considers her silence as a reminder of how tired Clementine must be, and grabs the empty soup bowl by the bedside table while rising to a stand. "Anyway, you should get some more rest," Sarah advises, "I'll be downstairs if you need anything, okay?"_

 _At that, Clementine realizes she had almost forgotten how drowsy she'd felt earlier, and lets out a lengthy yawn while leaning back against the pillows. She pulls the blanket up until it covers her shoulders, her sickly voice now muffled. "Okay."_

 _After several moments of hesitation, Sarah's palm then lands on the other girl's shoulder, and she leans forward to plant a quick peck on top of Clementine's hair._

 _She leaves without another word, shooting a final glance over her shoulder as she slowly pulls the bedroom door closed behind her, and Clementine drifts away into a deep sleep once more._

* * *

A/N: This chapter turned out way longer than I expected, so I apologize if all the italics exhausted some of you! I really only use them to avoid confusion between the past and the present.


	5. What keeps you awake at night

5\. What keeps you awake at night

* * *

Clementine's tired eyes slowly flicker into consciousness, and as the girl lays there still, a few moments pass by where it's as if everything around her is unmoving. Then, the sound of frantic whimpers close by finally reach her ears, and with full knowing, she jolts to face the girl in the bed next to her.

Sarah is stiffly bolted into a sitting position with her palms pressing down on the mattress at her sides, and she's leaning forward with her wide eyes staring forward into nothing. She's crying, and hyperventilating all at the same time, her chest rapidly rising and falling with every troubled breath. Yet, it's like her entire body has frozen up.

She looks terrified, and it's a sight that Clementine is all too familiar with.

"Hey, hey, hey," Clementine jerks upright in a panic, but her soft whispers aren't nearly enough to cause Sarah to react.

Her sobs only become louder, and Sarah's gaze refuses to meet the other girl's own. The sound of her distressed breathing fills the dark room, and it sends an uneasy shiver trailing up Clementine's spine.

Without the ability to see through the near blackness of the bedroom, Clementine soon comes to the realization that it's only the middle of the night. However, the exhausted feeling she has is instantly forgotten when wondering just how long Sarah had been awake like this, as well as the fact that she hadn't woken Clementine up.

The younger girl isn't even sure whether it's because Sarah didn't want to, or because she simply couldn't. The latter possibility is absolutely frightening to her.

"Sarah," she says firmly, her own voice trembling. "Sarah, _hey_ , look at me," Clementine scrambles to shift in front of her on the bed, and when she remains unresponsive, she securely grips the girl's face in her palms.

Now forced to look at her, Sarah's gaze merely glances up to Clementine's own, but it's as if her eyes are staring right through her, like she isn't even there. Her breaths are deep, but they cut off all too quickly, and the words of desperation she's dying to say are just trapped in her throat.

Then Clementine senses tears welling up in her own eyes just from the awful sight of Sarah like this.

 _She can't breathe._

With everything she has, Clementine shifts closer towards the frightened girl until her own knees are on either side of Sarah's outstretched legs, continuing to cradle her tear-stained cheeks and never daring to let go.

"Hey, it's okay. It's gonna be fine," Clementine comforts in a soft tone, now practically perched in Sarah's lap to be as close to her as possible, and to let her know that she's there - that she's not going anywhere.

 _She can't breathe. She can't breathe. She can't breathe._

"Cl—Clem…" Sarah barely manages to sputter through her sobs, and it takes absolutely _everything_ within Clementine to not completely crumble right then.

Just from the sound of her own name, she knows so very well that Sarah is _begging_ her to make it stop, but they both know deep down that neither of them have a choice but to wait it out.

Their faces mere inches apart, Clementine scans the older girl's expression with creased brows, who's now staring back at her with pleading eyes as they're overwhelmed with fear. "I'm right here, Sarah," she reassures once more. "It'll go away soon, I promise."

Despite a part of her knowing it will pass, Clementine still feels her own heartrate pounding just a little bit faster from witnessing her friend in such a state. It kills her every time just having to listen to the heartbreaking sounds of her cries, _knowing_ that she can't breathe and there's nothing either of them can do about it.

And Clementine has to remind herself – it's been worse. It's been so much worse, and Sarah had always gotten through it, even when it had been _so bad_ that she thought she wouldn't.

Nearly a year earlier, she'd awoken in a panic one night when Sarah wasn't there by her side, and had found the girl outside retching her guts out just a few minutes later, no doubt from the random burst of anxiety that always seems to catch the poor girl in her sleep.

Yeah... it's been worse. It's been _much_ worse.

"You just keep looking at me, okay? Start counting," insists Clementine, her tender voice rising with confidence.

Sarah desperately tries to form words, but all that manages to come out of her mouth at first are continued whimpers, and it only brings more tears to her eyes while she gasps for air.

"Count with me," Clementine repeats in an uplifting tone, "One…" she begins slowly, encouraging the other girl to continue.

Attempting to compose herself, she finally swallows the lump in her throat. "One…" Sarah stutters after a moment, her broken voice quivering.

Nodding in affirmation, Clementine peers slightly forward so their eyes are level with each other's, and she waits for her to continue.

"T-two..." Sarah sniffles, and Clementine says the numbers with her.

They count to twenty-five until Sarah's cries are brought to an end, and until thirty-seven for her to start breathing at a normal rate again. Even after that, Clementine doesn't quit until it's clear that the attack is entirely gone, all the way up to the point where it's as if they had just been talking normally, and nothing had ever happened in the first place.

Clementine finally stops counting at fifty-three, and Sarah's voice soon dissolves into nothing as well, following her lead.

The room is comfortingly silent now, but even after the calm sinks in, their gazes don't abandon each other's the entire time.

Clementine flashes her a warm grin, and Sarah returns a small smile with all the remnants of energy she has left.

"See?" Clementine whispers, her thumb stroking Sarah's tear-stained cheek. "All better."

It is then that Sarah remembers, that even in her lowest of moments, where it feels as if everything around her is shattering into a million pieces, she trusts Clementine. And just her being there through it all is more than enough to keep her on her feet.

The hopeful words that were once said to her have yet still to drift from Sarah's faltering memories - _Sometimes it might take longer, but it always goes away in the end._

And as they remain still on the bed of the dark room afterwards, with Clementine closely seated in the girl's lap and her hands planted on either side of her face, she slowly pulls Sarah's head down to place a gentle kiss on top of her hair.

* * *

She'd left with an empty backpack this morning, one strap hauled over her shoulder as she rises on her toes to reach a high shelf. Carelessly, she dumps into it another handful of small boxes she doesn't bother reading the label of, figuring that no matter what it is, it will have to do.

At this point, she's taking anything she can find, and the last people who had been here clearly didn't leave much for anyone else. Everything she's collected so far is probably way past the expiration date, but they're used to the stale taste by now.

She strides through the final aisle, the various shelves of the abandoned grocery store nearly picked clean with a few littered items scattered along the floor. She reaches the end without anything else to add to her bag, much to her expectations. It isn't entirely full yet, but the amount of food and supplies she'd managed to find today should be more than enough to last them for at least for another few days.

She checks her watch. They've been out for nearly three hours. Sarah will have finished her run by now. But with a glance at the sky as she exits the building, Clementine figures she should have time to quickly search the convenient store next door before the sun goes down.

After the quick walk over through the deserted parking lot, she knocks on the door first. When she doesn't hear anything, Clementine peers through the cracked window in search of any residing walkers that may be on the other side. She waits a little longer, then attempts to push the door open when it's finally decided that the place is empty.

It jerks in place, refusing to budge. _Locked_.

Before she even releases the door handle, every muscle in her body freezes once she feels something cold firmly pressing against the back of her head, and she hears the loud cocking of a gun soon afterwards.

Her breath catches in her throat, refusing to even breathe.

"Don't. Move." Demands a voice from close behind her, the sound of it a lot louder than she'd expected. It's a woman's voice - strong and authoritative, but Clementine's memories struggles to recognize it.

At the sign of immediate danger, she resists the instinct to reach for her pistol that sits on her hip holster, but feeling that barrel digging even further into her head, Clementine's hands hover still by her sides instead, avoiding moving an inch.

Then her thoughts immediately rush to the knife that she keeps tucked by her waist, hidden underneath the fabric of her shirt.

"Turn around. Slowly," instructs the voice once more after a while of tense silence.

Clementine has run across a lot of different people in her lifetime, and a part of her wonders if one of them had managed to find her somehow, for whatever she had probably done to wrong them in the past, but once she turns to face her captor, the woman that stands before her is clearly no one that Clementine has ever seen before.

She must be only in her twenties, with pale skin and dark hair that lengthens just below her shoulders. She wears a black leather jacket with large silver hoop earrings, and doesn't appear to be carrying anything other than the gun she points at Clementine, both of her arms outstretched as she threateningly continues to aim the weapon.

The woman backs away a few steps when Clementine turns, her expression remaining cold and never faltering for a second. "You make any sudden moves, I put a bullet right in between your eyes."

Clementine doesn't say anything while remaining motionless. She only stares after the girl with her brows pressed together, completely furious as to how quickly she had allowed herself to be held at gunpoint, and the fact that she automatically has zero power between the two of them.

Refusing to show a sliver of emotion, Clementine instead waits for what it is she's going to say, despite the lack of patience she has in this moment.

"Now, here's what's gonna happen," the woman begins, her tone dangerously low. "You're gonna drop that weapon of yours," she gestures to the gun on Clementine's hip, "Empty your backpack for me, and I'm gonna take what I want from it. Then you're gonna tell me where the rest of your group is."

Once Clementine is positive there isn't anything else she aims to say, she finally speaks up with her voice coming out quieter than she'd intended. "You don't have to do this," she says, her palms still cautiously lingering slightly in front of her.

"See, that's where you're wrong," replies the woman matter-of-factly. "I've got problems of my own, kid. I _need_ that stuff," she briefly points her pistol at the rucksack strapped on Clementine's shoulders. "It's everyone for themselves out here. But… I think you know how this works by now, sweetheart," she finishes with a smug smirk, her tone momentarily lightening at the mocking nickname.

Clementine squints in suspicion, beyond curious as to who this woman is, and where the hell she had come from. At least her reasoning is a lot simpler than Clementine had expected. She just seems like a regular scavenger, but from experience, it's still hard to tell these sorts of things.

After a few moments of contemplation, Clementine finds herself with no other choice. With a gun pointed directly at her from just a few feet away, she'd be plain stupid not to oblige.

Aggravation rising inside her, she slowly reaches for the pistol on her hip without breaking eye contact with the other woman. It drops at her feet with a clatter, then as an extra favour, she kicks the weapon away from her.

Once it collides with her boots, the woman quickly bends down and tucks Clementine's gun into the back of her jeans, disappearing from sight.

It isn't the first time Clementine has been in this situation. She'd like to say the specific requests from this woman are odd, but she knows better than anyone that people will do anything these days to survive, even if scavenging means stealing from young girls too, apparently.

Still, she won't plead for her life. She'd learned all too long ago that would be a foolish thing to do, not to mention completely useless. All she can do is give this woman what she wants, then go find Sarah as soon as she chooses to leave.

Slowly, Clementine pulls the strap off her shoulder and kneels to the ground in silence, opening the backpack's zipper.

"You pull any other weapons out of there and I won't hesitate to pull the trigger," she warns, now stepping around to Clementine's side while still maintaining her aim on her.

The young girl freezes momentarily, thankful the woman isn't able to catch sight of her death-like glare from the angle she's at, then proceeds her movements with a slight roll in her eyes.

 _Clearly_ , she thinks.

For all she knows, that pistol may not even be loaded. Threatening someone with a gun is just a scare tactic, one that Clementine knows all too well.

She isn't afraid.

From the looks of this woman, she doesn't look like she had ever killed anyone before. Then again, Clementine is only thirteen, yet she's killed plenty.

The contents of her bag are roughly dumped onto the pavement in front of her, the various items clattering to the ground in a heavy pile.

"Back up," orders the woman after a few moments, her eyes never leaving Clementine's own.

She obliges, rising to a stand and taking a few steps away. She eyes her own collection before her, a scattered mess of mostly clothes, food, and books, as well as a small assortment of medicine. She hadn't even noticed how many things she'd been carrying until now.

"Get on your knees," she barks, the woman continuing to circle around her a short distance away.

Clementine exhales softly, now unable to see the other girl who continues to pace behind her. "Please, just—" She's instantly silenced when a rough hand grabs the back of her neck, aggressively pushing her to the ground.

Now forced on her knees, Clementine glares from underneath her eyelashes as the woman quickly emerges from the other side of her, striding towards the pile of supplies a few feet away and kneeling to the ground.

"So? Where are they?" she quips. Her gun is still aimed in Clementine's direction, but now only held limply between them while her gaze focuses on picking through the items at her feet instead.

"I'm by myself," the younger girl responds without hesitation, absentmindedly staring after the weapon in the woman's hand. The answer is almost default by now.

"Bullshit," she exclaims all too quickly, now focusing her attention to Clementine. "No way a girl your age is out here on her own."

Despite the infinite number of witty remarks that come to mind, Clementine holds her tongue, and a huge part of her wonders just how many times she's been told that before, too. "I swear," she presses, struggling to mask the annoyance she feels inside.

Clementine just hopes that if this woman _does_ shoot her, Sarah will be able to get herself far enough away in time. Even with her own life on the line, it's all she can manage to think about.

The woman scoffs, as if the thought of her statement alone is ridiculous. "Trust me, I know how this works. I've seen my share of people like you," she accuses with a hard stare, a bite to her tone. "People that say they're alone when really they've got a whole group of others just waiting for them," she continues, now rising to a stand. "They're all liars. Why should you be any different?"

"I'm not with anyone, just… just take whatever you want and let me go," Clementine insists, her volume unintentionally rising in defense.

She shakes her head while wearing a pitiful grin, peering down at the girl on her knees. "I'm afraid I can't do that. How do I know you won't just send someone after me for taking your shit?"

"So, what?" challenges Clementine, not even bothering to further deny her. "You're gonna kill me?"

As soon as the words escape her lips, the opposite woman nearly stomps towards her impatiently, now towering directly over Clementine. "Where. Are. They?" she fumes, her voice dangerously low.

The girl's expression remains hard, the thought of revealing her friend's whereabouts far from her mind. "I don't know what you're talking about," Clementine retorts, her cold eyes refusing to break contact with the figure before her.

She crouches to Clementine's level with fury behind her eyes, as if a chord had just been struck within her. "Quit playing dumb with me, bitch!" shouts the woman impatiently, their faces now mere inches apart. "The girl you were with, where the _fuck_ is she?!"

And it isn't until she hears those words that Clementine shows fear for the first time that day.

 _Sarah._

Her eyes widen in a panic, her muscles tensing up as if she can't find the strength in her to breathe. Then she determinately presses her lips together, her brows furrowing with nothing but pure _anger_ as Clementine jerks to knock the gun out of the woman's hand.

The pistol rattles onto the pavement while Clementine yanks the knife from underneath her shirt with her other hand, tackling the girl to the ground in an instant.

" _How the hell did you know about her_?!" she yells, pressing the blade directly against the woman's throat and jamming her knee into her chest as she lays restrained.

Had she been _following_ them? Sarah and Clementine have lived in the area for months now, and never did they come across someone else that wasn't the living dead. This woman couldn't have just arrived here if she already saw her and Sarah together. The question is, when? Did she see them more than once?

The thought of the infinite possibilities only frustrates Clementine more, and she resists the urge to slit her throat right at this very moment. A part of her craves an answer, but another hardly even cares about the fate of this girl after she's already proven to be much more of a danger to them than she'd initially presumed.

For someone to steal from her, interrogate her, or even hurt her - Clementine can handle. But the minute that someone threatens Sarah is the minute that she loses her grip on all decency.

"Get—the fuck _off_ me!" sputters the woman through her strained efforts, clutching onto Clementine's wrist in an attempt to push the knife away.

Entirely aware of the gun laying just a few feet away, Clementine knows full well that she'll be killed as soon as this woman is given the chance. So, she struggles to keep her pinned beneath her, the two of them fighting against each other with everything they have.

The other girl grunts when she manages to jam her boot into Clementine's stomach, the knife falling from either of their grasps as she's pushed away.

The woman reaches for it before Clementine is able to, and in a panic, the younger girl frantically scans around for the gun from earlier. Spotting her target a short distance away, Clementine quickly crawls towards it while gasping for breath.

Her trembling fingers desperately reach for the weapon, her heartrate now pounding out of her own chest with every passing second. She whips around onto her back, both arms extending in front of her to aim the pistol upwards at the charging woman.

Just as she lunges towards Clementine with the knife clutched in her palm, a shot rings out through her ears, and the startling sound is so sudden that Clementine squeezes her eyes shut from the volume of it.

She grunts as she feels warm blood splatter onto her face, followed by the heavy weight of the woman's body collapsing on top of her.

It's completely silent around her now, and all that can be heard is Clementine's panting breaths as she lays there still, and the faint high-pitched screeching that still seems to hum throughout her head.

When she opens her eyes again, most of her vision is obscured by the corpse that lays on top of her, their faces only inches away from each other's and the woman's dark hair tickling Clementine's face.

Her muscles still shaking, she pushes the body off of her with strained effort and the lifeless weight rolls limply by her side. After regaining some recollection of what had just happened, she jerks to a sitting position, and her eyes instantly widen by the sight she's met with.

Sarah stands directly before her, her arms fully outstretched in front of her body, and her pistol clutched tightly within her trembling fingers.

They both remain there motionless, only staring speechless at the other with Clementine gaping on the ground, and Sarah aiming a gun at her.

It isn't until then that Clementine realizes - she hadn't even been the one that pulled the trigger.

Moments pass by before Sarah finally lowers her arms, and the look on the girl's face is absolutely agonizing. She looks _horrified_ \- her hands shaking violently and her wide eyes flooding with panic as they remain fixed on the body by Clementine's side.

"I… I shot her…" Sarah murmurs in a cowering voice, the words quivering on her tongue as she finally interrupts the tense silence between the two.

Clementine's heart shatters at the broken sight of her.

She wants to say something to her, to do _anything_ else but remain there unresponsive. And just staring after Sarah's shaking form, her petrified eyes watching the lifeless corpse on the ground as blood continues to pool around the woman's head, Clementine _knows_ she needs to do something.

She's unfazed by the sight, a dead body so close to her couldn't be more familiar. But Sarah - one can only imagine how she must be feeling. She appears as if she might start screaming, or crying, or simply break down all at once as she remains there panting.

"Sarah…" begins Clementine after a while, her own voice breaking unintentionally. A wary hand raises in front of her as she slowly pulls herself to her feet, standing with caution so as not to frighten the other girl anymore than she already is.

Her gaze lingers on her friend and nothing else as she closely scans her expression for whatever it is Sarah may do, and Clementine isn't even sure whether she knows she's there anymore.

With a racing heartbeat, Sarah's breaths quicken even further as she tries to speak. "I'm—I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry…" she sputters through her sobs, frantically shaking her head with disbelief.

Her hands rise to her face, whimpering more words that Clementine can't make out. She steps backwards while glancing down at the body once more, before whipping around and sprinting in the opposite direction as a well of tears stream down her face.

"Sarah, wait!" Clementine calls after her, but she doesn't turn back.

The younger girl races a few steps forward, but the sound of her cries only gradually fades away, and Clementine watches in place as Sarah's cowering figure runs further and further away from her.


	6. If you must mourn

A/N: Please listen to 'You' by Keaton Henson for this one. :)

* * *

6\. If you must mourn

* * *

Sarah has never killed anyone before.

She was always afraid. That's something neither of them could ever remedy, even to save their own lives. To most, fear is just an emotion – something that traps you in your darkest of moments, momentarily blinding all remnants of content. But for Sarah, it isn't something so simple to escape from. It's just not that easy.

It had taken months for Clementine to finally get her to start killing walkers, and that alone is hardly all there is to fear in this world. _People_ are the real enemy, and she had made sure a long time ago that Sarah understood that.

She's gotten better at it – doing what needs to be done in order to survive. It had become clear to Clementine over the years, and she only wishes her own self still possessed that purity that had been lost so long ago.

But Sarah never wanted to hurt anybody. She wouldn't, even if her own life depended on it.

And that's why Clementine finds herself unable to breathe, the very moment Sarah's finger had released that trigger.

The image of her friend pointing a gun in her direction, tears streaming down her reddened face as she stares into oblivion still haunts Clementine's mind. But she _has_ to get to her. She won't make the mistake of letting her go, not this time.

"Sarah?!" Clementine cries as she bursts through their house's front doors, nearly stumbling on her own feet from the panic she feels inside.

She'd lost sight of the girl in a heartbeat. Without an idea of where Sarah may have gone, Clementine had never run so fast in her life. She _knows_ Sarah doesn't want Clementine to find her, but her thoughts naturally shoot to the only place she can imagine her going to.

After a quick glance down the hallway, she checks the bathroom first, as it's the room closest to the front door when she races inside. Then she runs to the living room while advancing further inwards, followed by the kitchen, but Sarah is no where to be found.

The clouds have turned gray now, the halls so much darker than before the two of them had left. The silence of the house only quickens her labored breaths. Clementine's own worried voice echoes as she repeatedly calls out Sarah's name.

The possibility that she isn't even here is beyond terrifying. If that be the case, Clementine won't have a clue of where to look afterwards. She doesn't dare let her mind wander to that place, though. Not yet.

"Sarah!" she yells once more, bounding up the narrow staircase with thudding steps.

Clementine had seen the look on Sarah's face. She was… horrified with herself. As if she were afraid of her own hand as she held that trembling pistol.

To Clementine, Sarah had always been predictable, in a way. She could expect her to cry, like Sarah had once done after her first animal kill. She'd cried after the first nightmare of her undead father, and the first time she'd spoken of her mother. After it all, Clementine knows her _so_ well that she can only foresee those familiar reactions.

But after this, after taking someone's life, when all Sarah had ever known is witnessing constant murder happen to the people around her, she's ultimately found herself on the other side, and there's no telling what she'll do. Clementine's darkest thoughts alone are what keeps her a fraction away from losing her own self as she frantically runs through the house in search of her.

She doesn't trust Sarah to be alone, not after what just happened.

Her head shoots into the doorways of every room upstairs, never fully entering them, but merely clutching onto the doorframes. Pacing her way down the hall, she's desperate for an answer she fears won't be heard, and Clementine groans in frustration when another appears to be empty.

As she reaches the master bedroom, she hears something, like a strangled noise that surely didn't belong to her. She finally stops in the center of the room, listening intently as everything around her turns still. Another muffled cry reaches her ears after a moment, and Clementine slowly gazes over her shoulder towards the nearby bathroom door.

At a slow pace, she warily steps towards it in complete silence. Sarah's distant sobs are barely audible, gradually growing louder as Clementine gets nearer.

She stands inches in front of the door now, her forehead nearly resting against it while she gazes down at her own feet, hesitating.

An agonizing while passes by where she only continues to listen to Sarah's soft weeps, unsure whether she should let her be. Eventually, Clementine takes a deep breath, and softly knocks on the door.

"Sarah?" she asks, her calm and gentle tone drowning out the hidden worry she feels inside.

There's no response. Sarah only continues to cry quietly, as if Clementine isn't even there.

She sighs.

She can't expect Sarah to talk to her. Clementine knows this feeling more than one would wish to admit in their lifetime. Killing is not something you can ever forgive yourself for, no matter how much time passes afterwards. She recalls the countless days of her own life where Clementine had been so at war with herself for the things she had done - the people she'd killed intentionally, or the deaths she hadn't meant to cause.

But no matter how many times she'd convinced herself she wanted to be alone, and locked away from the rest of the world as some sort of punishment, she didn't. Not really.

No one ever wants to be alone.

And as Clementine remains there standing helpless, she wants to say something. But for the second time that day, Clementine finds herself too shattered to speak.

So she lowers herself to the ground to lean her back against the bathroom door, pulls her knees up to her chest, and waits.

If Sarah doesn't want to talk, she won't push her to, but at least Clementine will be here when she's ready.

With hardly anything between them, Clementine has still never felt so far away from her, and she wonders how once more in their lives, she had somehow found herself on the wrong side of the door.

* * *

" _Oh, no, no, no…" Sarah mutters in frustration, her words distant and muffled._

 _Her eyes widen at the worrying sound of Sarah's voice, the deep concern within the pit of Clementine's stomach rising with every passing moment. "Sarah?" she raises her voice. "Are you okay?"_

" _Go away!" Sarah shouts back almost all too quickly. She sounds weak, and Clementine instantly knows that she's been crying._

 _Two weeks have passed since a raging storm forced them into an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, and only a little while longer since they'd fled from Carver's camp._

 _Clementine doesn't want to admit it, but if she's honest with herself, Sarah isn't doing too well. Carlos' death has taken a toll on them - less so than before, but it has nevertheless._

 _Everything had seemed okay for a little while. They'd briefly talked about it, agreed to distance themselves from the memories of the past in order to survive, but Sarah has a habit of telling Clementine she's fine whenever she's caught staring at the ground for too long. It can't be more obvious how much of a liar that makes her._

 _Disturbingly, sometimes Clementine will be talking to her for several minutes and Sarah will not have even noticed she's in the room with her. Her anxiety hasn't improved much, either._

 _So when Clementine had gone upstairs to check on her in the middle of the day, she couldn't help that sheer panic she felt before she was even able to reach the top of the stairs, just from Sarah's faint noises._

 _From the other girl's expected reply, Clementine heavily leans against the door with a slight roll in her eyes at the fact that Sarah would of course try to brush off whatever is wrong. "Come on, open up," she sighs, her voice calmer this time._

 _Then Clementine nearly jumps at the distant sound of shattering glass. The startling noise is silenced all too quickly, only to be followed by loud clattering soon afterwards._

" _What's going on in there?" With a hammering heart, Clementine pushes her weight off the door to rattle the knob once more, as if it will open somehow. Frustration builds up inside as she stands stuck in the hallway._

" _I said go away!" warns Sarah once more, anger evidently rising in her tone._

 _Clementine knows that she's treading on thin ice by pestering the matter, but she still can't find herself to listen. Sarah's words do nothing but cause her to be more concerned._

 _Sarah groans in frustration once more, the soft hiss that comes afterwards sounding as if she's trying and failing to be quiet about it._

" _Sarah!" Clementine exclaims, suddenly so much more fearful from the girl's pained noise. She briefly glances around her, unsure what to do, before yanking out the knife from her waistband as a solution comes to mind. "I'm—I'm coming in. Just hold on." She's trembling as she jams the blade between the door and its frame, attempting to push in the lock._

" _No—please don't!" Sarah begs frantically, but Clementine has already barged into the room._

 _Then, she sees the blood._

 _With hardly the time to take a single step inside, Clementine freezes in her tracks immediately after swinging the door open, a hand still gripping the doorknob as her muscles remain completely unresponsive to what's in front of her._

 _Her thoughts scramble into a mess of disarray. The shattered glass, the stained knife, the scattered pills, and the bright red handprint that has been smeared across the tiles - it all hits her like a brick in the face as she pieces the scene together._

 _And Sarah… she sits as a crumbled mess in the middle of it all, tears streaming down her face, blood trailing from her wounded wrists and dripping off her fingertips._

" _Oh my God…" Clementine breaths as she stares wide-eyed. Her gaze doesn't meet Sarah's own, but continuously darts back and forth across the bathroom floor._

" _Get_ out _!" Sarah sobs._

 _At the unexpected volume, Clementine is finally snapped back into reality to notice Sarah shifting forward on the ground, as if trying to stand. Yet, Clementine is so unsure of what to do that she just stays there, and Sarah is_ screaming _words at her that her scattered mind can hardly process._

" _Get out, get out, get out!"_

 _Clementine jumps when she suddenly finds the door inches from her nose, the bang echoing throughout the house as it's slammed shut in her face._

 _The hallway turns dark, and everything goes quiet again, but Clementine still can't find anything in her to react. She only gawks aimlessly after the closed door while left completely speechless. She's breathing heavily now, the reality of it all finding her once more. She doesn't even remember whether she had been pushed out of the room or not._

 _Whatever she just saw, Clementine clearly wasn't meant to see, and she definitely hadn't been expecting it. To even think that she had been downstairs this whole time, completely unaware of what had been happening above her... How far would Sarah have gone if she didn't get here when she did? The thoughts alone physically hurt her._

 _Momentarily, Clementine shuts her eyes, exhaling slowly when red flashes back at her. She has no idea how much time has passed with her just standing there until she's finally calmed herself down._

 _A part of her wants to go back in there, but then she remembers Sarah's hurtful words, and decides that she'd rather not make her any more upset than she is. But she can't just go away knowing that Sarah…_

 _She tries to shake the thought away._

 _A good few minutes pass by where she debates turning around. She respects that Sarah needs space right now, but Clementine has to at least know that she's okay. So after much contemplation, she finally musters enough courage within her._

 _Practically cowering in hope that Sarah won't scream again, she hesitantly knocks on the door once more. "Sarah…_ please _talk to me," she says finally, desperate for at least some sort of response._

 _Sarah's not crying anymore. At least, Clementine can no longer hear anything. All that her pleading words are met with, is complete silence._

" _I know you can hear me," she insists after a few moments, leaning into one hip as she speaks._

 _Barging in when Sarah had specifically told her not to had only made the girl angrier with her, and now she's being ignored. Clementine sighs softly to herself._

 _Even with the assumption that Sarah can't be convinced at this point, Clementine still refuses to leave. Instead, she slides her back down the door until she's sitting on the other side, and crosses her legs underneath her while chewing on her lip._

" _Look, I…" Clementine begins again after a minute, her volume raising slightly so that Sarah can hear her. "I-I'm sorry about what happened," she says. "I know you're… in a lot of pain right now. And I know that… he meant a lot to you," her voice softens, attempting to structure her words in the lightest way possible. "But hurting yourself is_ not _the answer."_

 _She glances over her shoulder at the door against her back, waiting for some kind of reaction from the girl on the other side. But she doesn't hear anything._

" _This…_ pain _that you're feeling? It's not forever," she continues. "Sometimes it might take longer, but it always goes away in the end."_

 _Clementine knows it's a difficult thing to hear, especially when you feel like your whole world has shattered around you, like nothing remains worth living for. She doubts Sarah believes her, who probably isn't even listening to her right now. Sarah doesn't know much about Clementine's past, but she just hopes that Sarah knows she isn't making up words. She really_ does _understand._

" _Look, what I'm trying to say is… things_ will _get better, okay?" Clementine scrambles to explain, and the desperation she feels is suddenly so evident in her tone, as if she is begging Sarah to listen. "I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you just have to trust me on this."_

 _She doesn't speak again for a while after that, and her fingertips are fidgeting against each other now._

 _Then familiar faces that had once disappeared into the woods suddenly fade back toward her memories, faces that now only haunt her dreams as she sleeps._

 _The boy had already been gone, but his mother, she hadn't come back out after that._

 _She didn't understand it at the time. It had happened so long ago, but Clementine can't shake the thought of the same thing happening to her friend._

 _It had come from grief, and right now Sarah is in a horrible and dark place that Clementine knows is so hard to get out of._

 _Then her eyes begin to water as her mind drifts too far. The tears don't fall though, and she has to scrunch up her nose to stop it from tingling._

" _I'm not giving up on you," Clementine reassures. Her voice cracks unintentionally, fading until it's barely audible, but she prays Sarah is still listening to her. "Just_ please _… don't do this to yourself," she says, and it takes everything to muster her next words, "I don't wanna lose you, too."_

* * *

With their backs leaning against opposite sides of the door, Sarah's sobs eventually fade into nothing, and Clementine slowly drifts away from consciousness.


	7. You remind me of better times

A/N: My song rec for this one is 'Choking on Flowers' by Fox Academy!

* * *

7\. You remind me of better times

* * *

"Surprise," her voice nearly singing from the excitement her expression fails to contain, Clementine then lets out a breathy chuckle, evidently nervous.

For a while, Sarah only stares back at her from the doorway, confused. But she isn't sure whether it's because of how unusual this all is, or if it's simply because of the way Clementine's eyes shimmer in the candlelight as she smiles at her.

"I thought you'd… I don't know, maybe… like to join me for a drink?" Clementine continues, presenting the bottle in her hand as she stands by the dining table. She isn't usually the one for formalities. In fact, neither of them are, and she can't help the smirk that creeps its way onto her lips as she maintains a character far from her own.

"Where did you get that?" asks Sarah. She'd forgotten such normal things still existed. She can only imagine how nearly impossible it must have been to get something like that.

"I found it," Clementine chirps, almost smugly. "A while ago actually, but… I've been saving it. You know, just in case."

Sarah inhales, her eyes glazing over the mesmerizing sight of the dim candles throughout the kitchen, and for a little while, her breath catches in her throat. She distances herself from her spot in the doorway. Shaking her head, the alluring scene is almost too much for her to handle.

It's well into the evening, the curtains of the house drawn completely so as not to attract unwanted attention in the dark night.

Sarah had come downstairs once Clementine called for her, thinking she needed help with something, but the older girl hadn't expected to see her standing in the kitchen waiting for her with nothing but a bottle of alcohol and a sly smirk when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"This is… really nice, Clem, but—"

"I know, I just…" Clementine interrupts, already predicting what she wants to say. "I know it's not much, but I thought we could take our minds off things. For a little while." She tilts her head, peering at her in a way that makes the offer inescapable for Sarah just from her expression. "Please?"

Sarah hasn't been talking much lately, not since the incident with the scavenger. The girl spends an awful lot of time alone in their room, distancing herself from the outside world with her nose in a book while Clementine forces herself to give her space.

She needs it, Clementine understands that more than Sarah could hope. But still, the younger girl feels like she hasn't seen her in forever. Even a few hours without her friend's presence is almost unbearable, especially when there is just nothing else around for her except her thoughts. Clementine is just too used to her voice by now.

Sarah hesitates. "I don't know, isn't alcohol, like… bad for you?"

"Well, if you drink too much of it, I'm sure it's probably bad for you," says Clementine, observing the bottle in her hand as if it will give her an answer. "But I think it's also supposed to make you feel good or… something like that," she shrugs.

Unscrewing the cap, Clementine pours its contents into one of the wine glasses on the table, holding it out to Sarah who arrives to stand next to her. "Here, just try it."

Reluctantly, Sarah hovers her nose over the drink after accepting it, but instantly recoils from the strong smell that greets her.

Tightly pressing her lips together, Clementine withholds her laughter from Sarah's dramatic noise of disgust, as well as the fact that her struggling expression shows how much she tries to hide it afterwards.

"And you've done this before?" Sarah chokes out while scrunching up her nose. She glances up to Clementine then back at the red liquid as she repeatedly rotates it in her hand, as if it is a foreign object.

"Once," Clementine responds casually while pouring another for herself.

"Really?" Sarah perks up in curiosity.

Her eyes still avoiding Sarah's gaze, Clementine doesn't speak again for a few moments. "With Nick," she informs in a low voice, her volume suddenly fading insecurely.

Sarah blinks, her grin instantly disappearing, "Oh."

The nearly lost thought of their old friend lingers in the air between them as everything becomes dire. Clementine inspects her drink aimlessly, staring right through it. She hadn't meant to alter the warmth of the room. But neither of them say anything as she recalls the night she'd somehow found herself trapped in a shack in the middle of the woods with a newly made friend and an oversupply of moonshine.

Sarah hadn't been expecting to hear about such a moment between the two, wondering when it would've happened. But from the overflowing sorrow evident in Clementine's eyes alone, she doesn't press questions about it.

"Well… to Nick, then," Sarah breaks the gloomy silence in a small voice, slightly raising her glass in between them.

The corners of her lips tug into a sad grin as Clementine is shaken out of her trance, and she follows with the gesture. "To Nick. And… to everyone else," she laments, her hopes lifting. "Maybe one day we'll see them all again."

They clink their glasses together without further words, the thoughts held within them speaking for themselves.

There's a moment of silence as they both tilt their heads back, only for Sarah to immediately retract and erupt into a coughing fit instead. She groans painfully after forcing herself to swallow.

The other girl chuckles at the sight, Sarah's reaction to her first drink too amusing to resist a laugh, but even Clementine can't help but notice the warm feeling of wine that sits in her stomach afterwards.

* * *

"Are you trying to get me drunk or something?" Sarah observes suspiciously as she leans her back against the kitchen counter, an arm tucked across her midsection while the other lazily holds her drink near her face. She isn't even sure whether she's joking or not, for the night has already proven to be much more enjoyable than she'd presumed.

Clementine sits atop the counter opposite her, her legs dangling off the edge as the dim light casts warm shadows around them. "Maybe," she admits with a smirk, her response only half way sarcastic.

It's well past midnight now, but neither of them mind the time of night as they lose themselves in the delicacy of the moment, and the record player sounding faint in the background.

They'd found it in the living room when they first started living here, discovering nothing else but records that are way too outdated for their generation, probably originating from the nineteen-forties or somewhere around there. And when they'd first figured out how to work the thing, the unusual style had sounded like nothing they'd ever heard before. But something about it makes the two of them want to drift farther away from reality.

"I know why you're doing this," Sarah speaks up again, her voice almost emotionless.

"And why's that?" Clementine challenges while taking a sip at the same time, her voice muffled. Her eyelashes flicker upwards, peeking over the rim of her glass. Her head feeling light, she had begun to notice the effect of the alcohol a while ago, and it's been making her grin more than usual.

"You're trying to make me feel better," Sarah's conclusion is far from a question. "About what happened."

Clementine swallows, slightly pressing her brows together. "Isn't that what you want? To feel better?"

"Well… yeah," Sarah agrees hesitantly, before scrambling to clarify. "And I'm not saying that I don't. It's just hard… to forget." Her voice dissolves, the memories of that recent day flooding back to her.

There's a pause as Clementine only observes her expression, attempting to read her as they're positioned on opposite ends of the small kitchen. Her eyes momentarily flicker to the ground in thought, clearly remembering it as well.

She debates what to say, a flood of thoughts coming to mind. But then she grins weakly, a breath escaping her as her gaze connects with Sarah once more, and she responds simply instead, "Keep drinking."

* * *

"Listen… where I am right now…" Clementine jabs a thumb into her own chest, her eyes half lidded as she sways on the spot. "You like, c-can't even taste it anymore. You-" she then points an accusing finger at Sarah, "-just need to get where _I_ am."

The other girl chuckles as they stand in front of each other, thinking about how cute Clementine is being in the moment and admiring every second of it. "I'm not sure I _wanna_ be where you are right now," she smirks, her eyebrows raised in pure amusement.

Shooting Sarah a glance that makes her question whether Clementine had even heard her, the younger girl raises the half empty bottle she's holding up to her lips without breaking eye contact.

When she tilts her head back too far, most of it ends up spilling instead and she instantly flinches away. "Aw, shi- _seriously_?" she exclaims in disbelief, speaking before completely swallowing, and looking down at her now soaked shirt.

At her appalled reaction, Sarah presses a hand to her mouth in an attempt to muffle her uncontrollable laughing, and Clementine only glares at her with an annoyed expression as she slumps her shoulders.

"Oh my God, yeah, I definitely don't wanna be—hey!" Sarah is interrupted once she feels her head being slightly pulled down, realizing that Clementine had removed her baseball cap and quite sloppily put it on Sarah instead.

"Hold this," insists Clementine with a level tone as she wipes her wet chin with her forearm. Tugging down on the baseball cap, she turns to walk towards the dining table.

Catching her breath, Sarah shyly glances up at the hat on her head while brushing a few strands of hair away from her eyes, a grin still lingering on her face.

On rare occasions will Clementine actually take her hat off when she isn't sleeping. And she definitely doesn't let anyone else wear it, let alone touch it. She's always been protective over the thing, Sarah has noticed, but oddly, Clementine doesn't seem to care at all right now.

Finding a clean shirt in her backpack that had been resting on one of the dining chairs, Clementine doesn't waste a moment in removing her currently soaked one as she stands in front of the table, and Sarah suddenly realizes why she'd taken her hat off.

Instinctively looking away, Sarah stands awkwardly at her spot in the living room once she notices what Clementine is doing, her fingers fidgeting with each other in an attempt to pass the brief silence.

Clementine is turned away from her, but as Sarah looks to the ceiling, then at the ground, her eyes somehow wander back to Clementine, and she snaps her head away with guilt immediately after catching sight of her.

"Looks good on you," observes Clementine after a while as she strides back towards Sarah, her hands in her back pockets and her tone beyond casual.

"Huh? Oh- thanks," stutters Sarah, not even aware that Clementine had finished. She'd already forgotten about the hat on her head too, the insecurity of wearing such a prized possession suddenly finding her once more.

With Clementine now wearing a black long-sleeve shirt, Sarah wonders why _she's_ the one complimenting her.

"I mean, you're pretty anyway but…" Clementine steps closer to reach for Sarah's glasses. She doesn't make eye contact with her, distracted by what she's doing instead, yet Sarah can't stop looking at her.

At first, she's not even sure what Clementine is doing, but she lets her anyway.

Her glasses now removed, the younger girl inspects her friend's new look for a brief moment before pushing them up onto the bridge of her own nose.

"Jesus, how do you _see_ out of these things?" Clementine gasps. Peering around the room with her eyes squinted, her fingers still hold them in place as she wears the red-framed glasses.

"It's called a prescription," Sarah chuckles while Clementine turns her back to her once more, amazed at how talkative she's being. After two years of knowing each other, Sarah has never seen such a happy side of her, and she begins to wonder why she ever doubted that alcohol could have such an effect, _especially_ on her.

When Clementine turns to face her again, Sarah erupts into a fit of giggles at the unusual sight of the other girl.

"What?" Clementine asks seriously, completely at a loss as to why Sarah is laughing.

"Nothing, you just—" she grins widely, "those don't suit you at all. Also, I really can't see anything right now."

"Yeah, I like you better with them on anyway," mumbles Clementine with a hint of disappointment as she approaches once more, removing them.

Now able to see clearly again, Sarah adjusts her glasses on her face when Clementine fails to put them on for her properly, who trades them for the hat Sarah is still wearing.

"Oh my God, why do I feel so _terrible_ right now?" groans Clementine with exaggeration, suddenly aware of the sickly feeling in her stomach. She places a hand on her abdomen, resisting the urge to collapse on the floor. "I just f-feel really dizzy, like I don't—don't think this is supposed to feel this way."

"You're drunk," Sarah states bluntly with a smirk, no longer fazed at how fast the girl is able to change the subject.

"Pfft…" Clementine scoffs, as if the statement is absolutely ridiculous. " _You're_ drunk." She accuses, quite pointlessly. She slowly turns on her heel, still peering over her shoulder with a heavy head as she makes her way back to the dining table.

"You had like— _more_ than half of that bottle, I'm pretty sure," states Sarah, but Clementine has already retrieved it again, drinking straight from it without breaking eye contact with her, as if trying to prove her previous point.

Meeting her at the table, Sarah attempts to push the bottle down as Clementine continues to resist. "Stop, seriously," she sputters through her uncontrollable laughter, grinning from ear to ear.

In the middle of swallowing, Clementine incoherently mumbles something of protest before looking to Sarah reassuringly. "I'm _fine_ ," she insists after wincing from the strong taste, her speech slurred.

"Are you sure? You know you can hardly walk right now, right?" points out Sarah.

"What are you talking about? Look, look… I swea—I can walk in a straight line right now," Clementine extends a hand out in front of her. "Hold on," then she sweeps the hair away from her face in preparation, turning around again.

Sarah remains unresponsive as she watches Clementine repeatedly place a foot in front of the other, walking away from her. Looking down at her own shoes, her arms are held out by her sides to help her balance, even though she's still swaying uncontrollably.

"See?" Whipping around, she makes her way back towards Sarah. "Straight line." Reaching her, Clementine stumbles on her own feet when she lifts her gaze once more, and neither of them are sure who reached for the other first.

Only laughing because Clementine is constantly giggling to herself, Sarah is reminded of how rare it is to hear that sound, also fully aware of how the younger girl doesn't seem to notice the way she's partially leaning on her now.

But when Clementine looks up again, everything dies on her lips when she catches sight of Sarah's somber eyes, and it takes her a moment to notice that she'd stopped laughing too. Her sight is now fixed between them, Sarah's head hanging low as if she's insecure all of a sudden, like her mind is lost somewhere else.

"Hey…" consoles Clementine, her eyes suddenly brimming with concern. Her fingers gently trail down Sarah's arms, absentmindedly reaching her hands, and gripping onto her fingertips out of fear that they'll somehow drift away. "What's wrong?" she murmurs, her voice barely audible as the two remain inches apart.

Her lips slightly parted, the words Sarah can't bring herself to say become trapped in her throat. She's lost in Clementine's eyes as she gazes at her with deep worry. She takes a breath, a wave of emotions washing over her, but Sarah only shakes her head with a pained expression when she simply can't find herself speaking.

"Tell me what's wrong," Clementine whispers once more, her voice softening further with every word. She steps closer, reducing the distance between them until there's nearly no where left to go.

Exhaling audibly, Sarah pulls away in an instant. "I can't do this," Their fingers tear apart, and Clementine's eyes follow her as she strides to plop herself on the couch a few steps away. "I'm sorry," Sarah buries her face in her hands, her elbows digging into her knees as her tears begin to fall. "I know you did this for me and… I- I know I'm a mess…"

"No, no… you don't have to apologize," Clementine interjects with a delicate tone, instantly moving to sit beside her. It takes all her energy to compose herself, but she quickly forgets about everything she'd just been feeling, and instead focuses on the girl seated next to her.

Sarah's hands then lower from her face, only staring at the ground ahead. She sniffles, briefly wiping her nose with her sleeve in an attempt to compose herself. "She was gonna kill you," she says after a while, her voice calmer. "Right?"

Clementine swallows nervously at that. They had been having such a good time, she'd completely forgotten about everything else that happened. For a moment, she hesitates with an answer, before figuring there's no way to sugar coat it. There would be no use in that. Still, it breaks her heart that Sarah is so devastated, and it pains her to have to exchange these words.

"Yes," she responds firmly, "Yes, she was going to kill me."

Sarah still averts her gaze, but subtly nods her head, as if forcing herself to accept Clementine's answer. Deep down, she knows it's true, but the darker parts of her troubled mind prevent her from believing it.

"We were supposed to meet each other," Sarah continues to recall, thinking back to their plans that day, and how wrong it had all become so quickly. "I saw her. And then I saw _you…"_ her expression breaks all over again, traumatized from the images in her head alone. "I was so scared, Clem."

"I know…" murmurs Clementine, wishing she could put an end to the tears. Her fingers stroke Sarah's hair without even realizing it – obliviously touching her braids, then tucking away the bangs that fall in front of her eyes. "I know you were," she says, her hand stopping to rest on Sarah's shoulder. "You did the right thing."

"How can you say that?" puzzles Sarah, amazed at how killing anyone could ever be considered right.

"You didn't have a choice," explains Clementine, struggling to find the words. She knows it's a ridiculous thing to say, but Sarah saved her life. "With these things, there's just… sometimes there isn't anything else you can do. And you can't blame yourself for that." People like that scavenger – _bad_ people – at times, they just can't be saved.

Sarah takes a trembling breath, momentarily shutting her eyes. "I know. I just… I don't understand why _anyone_ would want to do that," she grimaces. "It feels _awful_."

In a world such as their own, where all that matters anymore is survival, far too many would jump at the chance of killing their own just because it makes them feel that they have power, when there isn't any more left of it. There are no rules anymore, just selfish people that will do anything to keep themselves alive.

"Try not to think about it, okay?" Clementine brushes Sarah's braids once more, her fingertips barely moving yet sending a shiver crawling up the other girl's spine. Just from sitting down, a huge part of her just wants to lean into Sarah from how heavy she feels right now, yet light at the same time. She's talking normally, but she can hardly see anything in front of her anymore.

As Sarah stares hard at the ground, deep in thought, the room goes silent once more. "This can't be it… can it?"

"What do you mean?" asks Clementine.

"Killing," she says. "It's like all anyone wants to do anymore is hurt each other." Finally, she looks up again. Their gazes meet, and Sarah is nearly breathless as she musters the horrid thought alone. "I don't wanna become like everyone else."

"That won't happen, Sarah, I promise," Clementine quickly reassures, shifting to sit even closer to the girl as if out of desperation, fixed on never allowing her to think such a thing about herself. "There's still good people in the world. And _you_ … you are definitely one of them. Don't think this makes you a bad person because of what happened."

Clementine would be lying if she said she's never had the same thoughts about herself. But for some reason, hearing it come from Sarah matters so much more to her.

"How do you do this?" Sarah sniffles once more. "You're just always so brave. Like nothing can hurt you."

For a while, Clementine finds herself speechless. She's never thought of herself that way. In fact, she never thinks about herself at all. Even after all this time, hearing Sarah say such a thing still catches her off guard. What does it even mean, to be 'brave'?

It should anger her – hearing Sarah say that. She's been hurt. More than anyone would ever wish to admit. She's been hurt _so_ much, she forgets what it's like to feel normal inside. Yet somehow, she makes the people around her think otherwise.

But it doesn't anger her. And Clementine is not sure whether it's because a part of her actually believes Sarah, or because she just simply doesn't have the energy to be upset anymore.

"I'm not _always_ brave," she states, feeling her own head begin to sway once more. "I get scared… all the time."

"Really?"

"Yeah," exhales Clementine. She parts her lips to speak again, but momentarily, the words are caught in her throat, and she stares aimlessly at the floor while a wave of dread washes over her. Her fingertips begin to fidget as they're held in her lap, her entire figure shrinking with insecurity. "I didn't know if I would ever _see_ you again…" croaks Clementine with worried eyes, her quiet voice unintentionally cracking.

 _Anything_ can happen in the blink of an eye, at any time, and that's all it takes to lose everything that matters. Even the thought alone hurts her, and Clementine loses herself in the memories of it all, and how close they had come to everything going infinitely wrong.

But when she looks back to Sarah, the girl's eyes are now painfully shut, and she's crying all over again without a sound escaping her lips.

Clementine is snapped out of her thoughts at the sight of her friend, and with her mind a haze, she can't figure out whether she had said something wrong.

"It's not fair," Sarah sputters through her sobs, removing her glasses to wipe her eyes. She can hardly stand the idea of Clementine having that fear too, and for some reason, that breaks her all the more. Shaking her head, she takes a deep breath, beyond frustrated with her own self. "I just can't stop thinking about it."

"Hey," Clementine shifts closer on the couch, her hand finding Sarah's shoulder again. Sarah turns to her, their faces mere inches apart. "It'll be okay…" Clementine hums as she leans forward, gently kissing Sarah's forehead.

Her weeps gradually fade on her lips. With the room quietening, the record player remains in their ears, a mellow song sounding faint and masked by static.

"Okay?" whispers Clementine when she briefly pulls away, and her voice is so soft that Sarah can hardly hear her anymore. Her other palm rests on the side of Sarah's face, encouraging her to look at her, and neither of them can even remember how it got there.

As Sarah's eyelids fall closed, Clementine lowers to place a second kiss on her cheek, just as another tear begins to fall. Her lashes flutter open again, Sarah's eyes puffy, and their gazes interlock for a few moments without mustering a word.

She isn't even sure what Clementine is saying to her anymore, the delicate words on the girl's lips sounding like nothing but a faded noise. She isn't sure whether she'd said anything back, or if either of them had said anything at _all_ , but Clementine is holding her face so close, and the look she's giving her completely captivates Sarah until she can no longer breathe.

And when Clementine glances down to her mouth, every muscle in Sarah's body freezes up in an instant, and her heart is pounding so fast that it's all she can hear anymore.

Briefly, Clementine looks up again, as if checking for a reaction, like she's hesitating. And she leans even further, her lips barely parted.

A part of Sarah wants to pull away, but another is begging herself to move her own head that much closer, just so she doesn't have to bare the anticipation anymore.

Instead, Sarah does neither of those. She's stuck in place, entirely still, her eyes wide, her head feeling fuzzy, cruelly reminding her of the alcohol in her system, and she's holding her breath all at the same time.

The third kiss is on her lips.

Sarah doesn't even realize it's happening until Clementine momentarily pulls away, and the feeling she didn't know was there is suddenly gone. Sarah had recoiled slightly, shrinking back into the armrest of the couch, and Clementine had leaned forward on her own hands somehow, her chin still raised to reach the other girl's height. And afterwards, her sight is still fixed on Sarah's lips, as if she's unsure whether she wants to stay there.

It isn't until then that Sarah finally forces herself to stand up, practically slithering out from under Clementine as fast as her shaking muscles can manage.

Nervously, she pushes her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and tugs on the hem of her sweater when it doesn't even need to be adjusted. She sniffles, wiping her eyes for the last time as she swallows the dry lump in her throat. "Um… I—I should really get to bed, it's—it's getting late," she stammers, looking at everything in the room except for the girl in front of her.

Confused, Clementine only stares back at a frantic Sarah while remaining in the exact same position, as if she hasn't yet processed what just happened.

She feels terrible for leaving like this when Clementine looks as innocent and clueless as she does in this moment, just peering up at her from her spot on the couch, her eyes wide. But if Sarah were to stay, she thinks she might just cry from embarrassment.

"Thanks, for all this—really, but… I'll see you in the morning… 'kay?" Then Sarah turns on her heel without giving the girl a chance to respond. Quickly, she strides up the stairs without another word, and resists the urge to look behind her.

* * *

A/N: So this chapter took me a really long time to finish because I struggled a lot with it, and I think that's mostly because it's really difficult to write someone in character when they're drunk. Especially when they're usually, well… the opposite. Anyway, I'm still not 100% satisfied with this one, so please let me know what you think!


	8. Instead we look around

A/N: Imagine Choking on Flowers (the song I'd recommended last chapter) playing faintly in the background for this opening scene.

* * *

8\. Instead we look around

* * *

" _Clem… Clem!"_

 _She hears it. Over and over again, the panicked sound of her own name fighting against her hazy mind. There's nothing there, only blackness. Yet at the same time, she's seeing so much at once that it hurts to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds._

 _She lolls her head to the side, feeling heavy. The movement alone makes her groan in pain._

" _Clem, can you hear me?"_

 _A blurry face, looming over her as darkness surrounds everything else, hands touching her with brimming desperation, and that pleading voice shouting back at her._

" _Hey, it's me. Look at me!"_

 _Weighing further into the ground with every passing moment, her aching muscles are just begging her to move, and the words only continue to reverberate through her head as she lays numb._

" _You're gonna be okay, kid… you're gonna be okay… you're gonna be okay…"_

* * *

Sarah wakes to the sight of Clementine sound asleep next to her.

Some light is shining through the bedroom window, so she figures it must be well into the day already. Still half asleep, Sarah pulls her hand out from under the covers and checks her watch with her eyes barely open.

When she sees that it's only 8:15 in the morning, she curls herself further into the mattress with the satisfaction of knowing that there's still time for them to sleep in. Then her eyes focus back to the girl next to her. Clementine lies motionless on her side, her breath so quiet that the peaceful room is completely silent.

For a moment, her mind is blank. Then a tired smile automatically forms on Sarah's face when she remembers the night before, and she finds herself snuggling closer to Clementine when she remembers how she'd kissed her too.

At the time, Sarah had been so flustered and embarrassed about it. She didn't know what to think, or even what to do, and had mentally beat herself up over taking so long to fall asleep afterwards. Eventually she did, and Sarah grins to herself once more when she imagines how Clementine must have come upstairs to join her while she was sleeping, the thought comforting her.

But watching her as Clementine lays there peacefully, Sarah realizes she wouldn't have wanted the night to go any different. And she replays it all in her head until she drifts into a deep sleep once more.

* * *

When Sarah wakes again, she no longer feels the comforting warmth of the girl next to her, and momentarily feels around the mattress. With a sense of panic, she finally snaps open her eyes to notice the empty side of the bed.

The room is much brighter now, the sunlight from outside shining through the bedroom window and practically blinding her tired eyes.

She checks her watch, reading _11:35am_. Then she rolls onto her back with a tired groan, figuring Clementine had probably just woken up before her, instead of whatever her paranoid mind had briefly led her to believe.

They usually never wake up this late into the day, but they'd gone to sleep well into the early morning and yet, Sarah still feels like she could sleep for hours more.

Constantly rubbing her eyes, she forces herself to get out of bed and practically stumble down the hall from how tired she feels.

"Clem?" she calls in a groggy voice. As she nears the bathroom door at the end, Sarah slows her pace when she hears faint coughing coming from the other side. "Clementine?" The door isn't quite closed, so she gently pushes it open the rest of the way with her fingertips, peeking her head through with caution.

Clementine kneels in front of the toilet with her hands gripping either side, vomiting up last night's alcohol followed by more heavy coughing as soon as Sarah walks through the door. Clementine moans painfully, not even reacting to Sarah who steps further in the room.

"You okay?" asks Sarah. Kneeling down next to her, she places a comforting hand on the girl's hunched over back.

"I feel like shit," she answers bluntly in a hoarse voice, her eyelids heavy.

"I'm sorry," Sarah murmurs softly, genuinely feeling guilty when she notices how pale the other girl looks. "You should've come to get me."

"I didn't want to. You were sleeping," defends Clementine.

"Still. I would've liked to know if you were sick instead of you just—"

Clementine lurches forward, throwing up into the toilet once more as Sarah continues to rub her hand across her back. The younger girl sniffles, breathing heavily afterwards.

"Well, you looked really peaceful, so…" Clementine shifts on the ground to lean her back against the side of the bathtub with her knees up, brushing away her disheveled hair. "Remind me never to drink that much again. In fact, don't even let me drink at all." She looks to Sarah who's kneeling in front of her. "How are you so… normal right now?"

"I mean, you pretty much ended up drinking that entire bottle last night," states Sarah. She _does_ feel tired, but definitely not as terrible as Clementine seems to feel right now.

She ponders over her statement. "That… kinda _does_ seem like something I would do." Squeezing her eyes shut, Clementine buries her face in her hands. "God, what did we even do last night?"

Sarah blinks, taken aback by the question. "You… don't remember?" She observes warily, partially fearing the answer.

"Well, I remember you coming downstairs. And… then I poured you a drink, which you almost spat out at first. Then… you told me you knew I was trying to make you feel better, and so I told you to keep drinking," recalls Clementine with great effort. Then she smirks weakly, escaping a breath of laughter. "Guess that plan kinda failed though, huh?"

"No, no I—I had a great time," interjects Sarah frantically, desperately trying to brush away everything else Clementine's statement implies. "It was really nice. Even though I was kind of taking care of you the whole time," she jokes, clearly exaggerating that fact.

Clementine scoffs at the idea. "Thanks for that, by the way. I just hope I didn't ruin your night," she responds, then grimaces at the toilet again. "It wasn't supposed to end with me puking my guts out like this."

"You didn't ruin it. You actually made it better," Sarah coaxes in an uplifting voice. "And I swear, I'm not just saying that."

"Well, I'm glad it helped," she says. "But… I'm not really sure what happened after that. I mean, I actually woke up in bed this morning which is a good thing, and not like... the floor."

Sarah chews nervously on her bottom lip, unsure whether she should tell her, or just change the subject all together. "So… there isn't anything else that you remember, other than that?"

Clementine presses her brows together. "No. Why?" she wonders. "Did I do something? I did something embarrassing, didn't I?" Her hand comes up to wipe her face. "God, I'm so sorry."

"No—you didn't," blurts Sarah without thinking, her voice sounding louder than she'd intended. Everything that Clementine did had been anything _but_ embarrassing. If she doesn't remember kissing her, Sarah only wonders whether she'd still be embarrassed if she _did_ remember, and that thought alone frightens her to no end.

"You sure?" asks Clementine with concern.

A huge part of Sarah is telling her that Clementine deserves to know, but when she opens her mouth again, she just can't find the bravery within her. "Yeah, I'm just… just clarifying," she lies, insecurity evident in her tone.

Clementine observes her suspiciously for a moment, her chin raised and eyes half lidded. "Okay, I'll trust you on that one," she finally decides, then drops her head into her hands again. "Mostly 'cause my head is just fucking killing me right now and I can hardly think."

"Well, maybe you'll feel better if you ate something?" suggests Sarah.

"No. No—don't even talk about food right now." She attempts to shake the thought away, her stomach churning all over again. "That'll just make me throw up again."

"No, its supposed to help actually," informs Sarah, rising to a stand and flushing the toilet. "My dad once told me that if you don't have anything in your stomach, it'll make you nauseous and throw up. But If you eat, then it settles your stomach or something like that."

They both know that sickness is something that's always been common for Sarah - her ongoing anxiety always forcing her to the worst situations, but neither of them choose to say anything about it. They don't mention that Sarah had actually spoken of her dad again, either. Mostly because Clementine is too busy thinking about how terrible she feels right now and is hardly even listening.

When Sarah looks down at her again, Clementine has now collapsed onto her side somehow and is groaning constantly as if she's in pain. "I don't want to," she whines, an overly-dramatic expression of distress on her face.

"Come on, get up," Sarah holds a hand out to her. "Don't make me drag you downstairs," she smirks, amused at how comical Clementine looks just laying weak on the bathroom floor, _especially_ for someone who never likes to draw attention to herself.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Sarah can't help but get distracted from the book she's reading as Clementine pulls a pair of binoculars out of her backpack.

"Just… keeping a lookout," responds Clementine. "Making sure nothing's, you know, sneaking up on us." She raises the object to her eyes, casually viewing the neighbourhood before them as they sit on the roof of their house, lounging underneath the window. She briefly scans the rows of rooftops before them, before holding them out to Sarah. "Wanna try?"

In addition to enjoying the warm afternoon weather, the roof promises them fresh air while still maintaining distance from anything that might otherwise be dangerous on the ground, and has also become a regular way for them to pass time in each other's company.

Sarah observes the binoculars for a moment before deciding to play along, figuring they have nothing better to do. "I guess so." She lowers her book to her lap as she sits cross legged next to Clementine, making sure to fold over the page she's on. "And… what am I looking for exactly?" she wonders while peering through the lenses, her eyes meeting nothing of interest.

"Walkers, people, vehicles… anything moving that isn't us, basically," Clementine explains while digging through her backpack and pulling out her pistol.

Sarah looks to her with concern, noticing the weapon that's now in her hands. "You're not gonna shoot, are you?"

"Not unless there's something for me to shoot," Clementine tilts her head, closing one eye and gazing down the barrel of the gun, her knees pulled up to her chest.

Pressing her lips together, Sarah looks through the binoculars again, allowing a moment to pass before speaking. "You really think there could be people out there?" The neighbourhood they live in is often quiet with hardly any walker activity, and Sarah was just beginning to get used to the isolation from others.

"I don't know. I hope not," Clementine answers while continuing to aim her gun into the distance out of pure boredom. "I mean, we already managed to run into someone. I don't think she had anyone with her but… you can never be too sure."

"Why do you say that?" questions Sarah nervously.

"Pretty sure if they knew she didn't come back, they'd have come looking for her by now. She was the first person we've seen since we got here, so… I feel like we would've seen them already."

Clementine's explanation does little to ease Sarah's worried mind, and she attempts to swallow the fear just from the thought of meeting another survivor again. "And if we _do_ run into more people?"

"Relax," reassures Clementine in a soft voice, already reading the other girl's thoughts. "I'm not gonna let what happened last time happen again."

Sarah doesn't respond, the memory already making her uncomfortable. She continues to zoom in and out of the lenses, failing to find an argument to that promise. Even though it's difficult to believe that something bad won't happen again, she trusts Clementine more than anyone.

"See anything?" The younger girl asks after a while of silence.

Pursing her lips, Sarah's eyes are met with nothing but trees and empty suburban streets, as well as the small city just on the edge of the neighbourhood that they'd already explored multiple times. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna stick to reading," she decides with a smirk while handing them back to Clementine and picking up the book in her lap again.

"Fine by me," comments Clementine, taking them back.

As Sarah continues with her book, she only finds herself advancing one page until she isn't actually reading anymore and is instead staring blankly at the words before her. Her mind begins to drift elsewhere, and Sarah finds herself lost in the memories of last night again.

The way she'd made her feel in that moment, it was like nothing Sarah had ever experienced before. It was weird, and new, but… exciting. She didn't have a clue what was happening, but that feeling of uncertainty is what kept the moment alive. Like she was holding onto something. Something she didn't even know was there.

And yet, Clementine doesn't remember a thing about it.

It's almost painful - knowing that it never even happened in her head, yet it's all that's going on in Sarah's. That thought alone has been bothering her more and more throughout the day, and every time Sarah looks at Clementine, all she sees is the same way she looked at her as she kissed her.

She'd tried to forget about it, tried convincing herself that it was just a stupid mistake. But above it all, a huge part of Sarah still feels guilty for not saying anything sooner. And every minute she spends procrastinating is just another minute that she is continuing to lie.

"Hey, Clem?" Sarah clears her throat, finally breaking the silence.

"Hm?" she mumbles in response, hardly paying attention while still peering through the binoculars.

Unsure if Clementine is even listening to her, Sarah forces herself to continue anyway. "We're friends, right?"

Confused, she finally looks to Sarah, lowering the object so they hover in front of her face. "Of course we are, why would you even ask that?"

"No, I mean—" Realizing that hadn't come out the way she wanted it to, Sarah is suddenly aware of how stupid her question was. She sighs in frustration. "I mean, we're _best_ friends, right? And that means we're honest, and we tell each other everything?"

Clementine stares down in thought for a moment. "Well yeah, I mean… I've never really _had_ a best friend before," she shrugs her shoulders, mumbling. Still unsure why Sarah is asking this, she raises the binoculars to her eyes again without thinking much of it.

"Well, I—I think that we should. I mean, tell each other everything. 'Cause otherwise there won't be any secrets between us," stammers Sarah, now conscious of the way she's constantly pulling down the sleeves of her flannel overtop her wrists, just from how nervous she feels.

Avoiding Clementine's eyes, she considers dropping the subject all together, then figures there's no way she can start this conversation without finishing it. And for a moment, she's at a loss for words, unsure of the best way to say this, but urges herself to keep going anyway.

"And well, you know how you asked me about what happened… last night? And I said that you didn't do anything? Well… I—um…" she clears her throat. "There's something you need to—"

"Get inside."

Sarah snaps her head towards Clementine who's still looking out at the street. "What? Why?" Her eyebrows pressed together in confusion, everything she was going to say is suddenly far from her worries.

"Get inside," Clementine repeats firmly, her voice slightly louder as she rushes to stand up. "Now!"

As the younger girl scrambles to push up the window behind them, Sarah's eyes frantically scan their surroundings. Slightly leaning over the edge of the roof, she eagerly looks out at the road below them.

It isn't until she hears the moans that she realizes the horde of walkers in the distance, emerging into view as they stumble onto the road, and heading _directly_ towards the house.

* * *

A/N: Ah yes, the calm before the storm.


	9. Back the way we came

9\. Back the way we came

* * *

"Where—where did they all come from?" Sarah asks as they race out of the bedroom door, and Clementine is so fast that the older girl can hardly keep up as they bound down the hallway and around corners.

"I don't know, I think they might've come from the woods," presumes Clementine with a shaking voice, hauling her backpack on with her pistol still in hand. "I couldn't see very well from where we were."

"Do you think they saw us?" Sarah runs down the stairs after her, making sure not to trip on her own feet. Fearing the answer, her heart is nearly pounding out of her chest.

"Well, they travel in herds. If one of them did, so did the rest of them." She slows to a stop near the bottom of the stairs. Clementine presses her back against the wall and leans to peer through the front window, her gun cautiously raised by her face. "Shit," she mutters upon seeing the crowd of walkers outside already so much closer to the house. "They're coming this way. They must've seen us on the roof."

Frightened by that statement, Sarah rushes next to her to gaze out the window as well. "Wh—maybe we can wait it out. They can't get us from in here, right?" She snaps her head towards the other girl, her eyes desperate for reassurance.

"They know we're in here, Sarah. Once they start banging on that door, they're not gonna stop unless something else distracts them. And there's not much else we can do from inside," Clementine explains as they watch helplessly from the window, dozens of groaning figures stumbling only a few houses down now.

"Should we block the door with something?" suggests Sarah in a panic.

"Yeah," agrees Clementine, who immediately lunges for the couch in the living room. "Here, help me move this."

Sarah rushes to the far end of the sofa next to Clementine. The two of them push with all their strength until it slides in front of the door, the older girl's arms shaking violently.

An aggressive bang from the other side of the door startles Sarah, the sound followed by a muffled snarl. She jumps away with a shriek. More heavy thuds follow, every one of them stronger than the last. The two of them can clearly hear the group of walkers growling and moaning just outside.

"That's not gonna hold for long," Clementine raises her voice over the noise, stepping back away from the door. "Where's your gun?"

As Clementine pulls the magazine out of her pistol, Sarah only becomes more frightened as she watches the other girl check how many bullets she has, terrified of the thought of her having to use it. "It's—I think it's upstairs."

"Go get it, quickly! I'll hold them off." Clicking the loaded magazine back into place and tucking away the weapon for now, Clementine firmly plants herself a few feet away from the door as she pulls out her knife instead. The door rattles constantly from the walkers, and she can see a crowd of them forming on the front porch from the window, getting larger by the second.

Terrified, Sarah sprints back up the stairs as fast as her legs can carry her without further words.

Glass clatters all over the floor as the front window suddenly shatters from the force, but Clementine is quick to stab her knife into the first walker that shoots its head through the opening. It falls to the ground and another decaying figure attempts to climb through. It desperately claws its hands at her, snarling.

Clementine grabs the walker in an instant, plunging her knife into its head and yanking it out after a still moment.

With their chorus of snarls now almost hurting her ears, more and more walkers begin to reach through and she steps away after stabbing another through the skull. Most of them have given up on the door and are instead focusing on getting through the large window. It doesn't take long for the rest of it to shatter out of its frame, and Clementine instinctively pulls out her pistol when she sees how many there are.

She raises her gun and fires, shooting as many as she can. They each climb through the opening one by one, stumbling over each other and growling at her viciously, but there's so many of them that Clementine doesn't even have time to shoot them all.

"I got it!" Sarah announces with pride as she returns from upstairs, her pistol now in hand.

After firing at one last walker, Clementine whips around and rushes up the stairs as soon as Sarah reaches the bottom, grabbing her hand. "Come on!" she shouts, and Sarah is so dazed from the sudden change of direction that she almost falls over in the process.

The older girl glances behind her at the horde of walkers now infesting the house, some of them even crawling on the ground towards them. Clementine pulls the other girl's arm and shoves her in the back so that Sarah is the one in front. She stumbles forward, but her speed never falters as Clementine follows close behind her.

When Sarah reaches the top of the stairs, she hears Clementine grunt underneath all the noise of the dead, a thud following soon after. She turns to see her now collapsed onto her stomach, a pair of bony hands clutching onto the younger girl's ankle as the walker crawls towards her.

Without a second thought, Sarah raises her pistol and fires. Before Clementine is even able to react, its head audibly snaps backwards and it instantly releases it's hold on her.

"Thanks," Clementine breathes, feeling a wave of relief as Sarah pulls her up to her feet. Grasping her gun on the floor that had flown out of her hands, she continues down the hall behind Sarah, the sound of the walkers following close behind them.

Rounding the corner, they bound through one of the doorways at the end of the hall. As soon as Clementine races in, Sarah slams the door shut behind her and locks it.

The continuous snarls now muffled, the older girl worriedly glances around the empty spare room for anything they could use to block the door, but her eyes meet nothing of use. "W-we're trapped," she pants as the dead begin to pound on the door. "What do we do now?!"

There's a soft click followed by a sliding noise from somewhere behind her. Sarah snaps her head around to see Clementine already positioned in front of the large window at the back of the room. She watches in confusion as the girl pushes it up all the way, peering down at the ground below.

"We're gonna have to jump," Clementine decides in an oddly calm tone.

"What?! Are you crazy?" exclaims Sarah.

"It's not that high. Just trust me!" she reassures before climbing up onto the windowsill, already sensing the other girl's fear. As she looks down from the two-storey height, a part of her can't help but become nervous upon seeing the hill the house is positioned on, a slope leading down towards the fence of the backyard. There's rows of dead trees at the bottom, the near city visible on the other side.

"C-can't we find another way?" begs Sarah, shouting over the deafening noise.

"There's no time, Sarah. There's too many!" Clementine grips the window frame with one hand, peering over her shoulder at the terrified girl who remains frozen in place. "We have to go, _now_!"

Sarah nervously glances behind her. Figuring they have no other choice, she scrambles to climb up onto the windowsill next to her without further protest, standing with caution.

"It'll be okay," assures Clementine, the wind blowing her hair back. She grabs Sarah's hand, whose worried eyes are fixed on the ground below. "On three," Clementine looks to her. "One… two…"

The door is knocked off its hinges behind them, the entire thing toppling over with a loud thump as a dozen walkers stumble directly over it and towards the window.

Sarah glances over her shoulder just as they all pool into the room. Then Clementine feels Sarah's hand tightening around her own and the older girl leaps off the edge before she can finish counting, bringing Clementine with her.

The next thing they know, they're soaring through the air and landing with a painful thud. The layer of dead leaves crunch underneath them as they tumble down the dirt hill.

They slow to a stop. With Sarah coughing next to her, Clementine lands on her hands and knees, looking back up towards the house with panting breaths. Walkers are plunging out the window they came, more of them stumbling into view at the sides of the house from the front.

Hardly faltering for a second, Sarah and Clementine jump to their feet again as they dead continue to pursue them. They leap over the short wooden fence and advance even further down the hill. When they reach the bottom, they run straight through the parking lot of the gas station by the road.

More roaming figures meet them around the corner, but Clementine pulls out her gun without hesitance, firing at the few in their path.

With the horde still chasing them from behind, and the multiple lone walkers that roam towards them on the street, the gunshots are probably only luring more of them their way. She figures the majority of them had already started making their way towards the house once the first gunshot was fired, and now Sarah and Clementine are only running directly into them.

Still, they continue to the end of the block, but Clementine freezes in her tracks once they round another corner. She extends a cautious arm out in front of Sarah, who nearly collides into her from behind.

She backs up slowly, watching wide-eyed as another growing swarm of walkers in the distance head directly their way. There's so many of them that they block the entire road. Buildings line either side of the streets, and she knows they won't be able to run past them untouched.

It doesn't take long for one of them to catch sight of her, another following soon after, followed by another. They quicken their pace, their snarls growing louder as they all eye their new targets.

" _Go_ ," Clementine warns Sarah without turning to face her, still backing up. "Go, go, go!" She whips around momentarily, continuously shoving a shaken-up Sarah until she runs in the opposite direction.

Sarah disappears around the corner they came from, but Clementine remains stationary, confidentally shooting down as many of the dead as she can while they still limp towards her in the distance. Firing one last shot for satisfaction, another decaying body collapses to the ground with an audible blood splatter, and she finally turns to follow Sarah.

The older girl is pacing down the sidewalk underneath every awning, yanking on the handles of all the doors with the hope that one will be unlocked. Clementine glances behind her down the opposite road, the horde quickly catching up to them. They're running out of time.

Finding no other option, she joins Sarah in pulling on the doors of every building, desperate for one to open.

Finally, when Sarah moves down to the next door, it swings open in an instant, and she pulls on it with so much force that she almost falls back. "In here!" she calls over to Clementine, who gladly races through the doorway after her.

Just as it heavily swings shut behind them, a pair of decaying hands slam against the other side, sliding down the glass and leaving a dark blood trail.

Sarah and Clementine step away warily, watching as the walker growls viciously at them. The noises of the dead are hardly audible now as they all crowd around the other side of the double doors, angrily trying to reach the stunned girls on the other side.

"That should hold, right?" Sarah pants, her lungs burning for air.

"Yeah," Clementine exhales audibly, her chest rising and falling. "These doors look pretty solid. Shouldn't be able to break through here." Fearlessly, she steps closer in examination, then grimaces at the pathetic group of clawing figures. "Either that or they give up sooner or later."

"Which… probably won't be for a while, I'm guessing." Sarah sighs, finally observing their surroundings. With the individual mailboxes bolted to the walls and the intercom by the door, they appear to be in the foyer of a small apartment building. "Well, it looks like we're trapped. Again."

"Hey, at least it was kinda fun," smirks Clementine after a moment.

Unamused, Sarah faces her with a dead expression. Then she lightly smacks her hand across the girl's arm who dramatically jumps in surprise.

"Ow!" Clementine laughs at her reaction while holding a hand to her arm, playfully offended. "What? I said 'kinda', didn't I?"

"Yeah, I don't see how running for our lives could possibly be fun, but… you're pretty weird, so…"

She scoffs, chuckling softly. "Yeah, I think I've heard that from you before. More than once." Clementine briefly tugs on Sarah's arm once she notices her still staring at the door they came from. "Come on. I don't think we're getting back out that way."

Retrieving the flashlight from her backpack, Clementine shines it down the dark corridor with her pistol held in the other hand. Noticing that Sarah doesn't have her own pack with her, she beckons for the older girl to follow. "Stay close. There might be more of them in here."

"Yeah," Sarah nods, fearful of what lies ahead. Their steps are cautious as they begin down the hallway. "Right behind you."

* * *

Deciding to wait out the walkers, Sarah and Clementine climb numerous flights of stairs after finding two other exits on the ground floor that had been heavily barricaded on the other side. They figured it was best for them anyway, and that it wouldn't be wise to go back outside yet. So, they hope to get a view of the walkers from up above and plan their next move.

With no other stairs to climb, they arrive at the fifth and final floor without running into a single unwanted presence in the process. What their eyes are met with is what appears to be remnants of one of the apartments, or even the start of one.

The entire residence had clearly been under construction, the walls and ceiling consisting of nothing but wooden and metal framework, leaving the rooms completely exposed to each other as well as the outside air. There are multiple wires hanging from the ceiling, and so much sawdust covering the ground that Sarah and Clementine leave clear footprints as they walk.

"Whoa…" gasps Sarah as they stroll through the uncomplete apartment, gazing at the visible sky above. "That's kinda cool. You can still see everything outside, even though we're still technically inside." Their footsteps echo loudly, the wind barely whistling nearby. "This is weird… Why do you think everything is only half-built up here, and not everywhere else?"

"Maybe there was a fire or something. But it was only on the top floor, so they had to do reconstruction up here," presumes Clementine who walks even further inwards. "That's what it looks like, at least."

"I… guess that makes sense," decides Sarah. She follows Clementine to the edge of the building, who's now standing stationary and observing the roof across from them.

The sky is gray, the moans of the dead sounding faint from down below. The other building is shorter than the one they're currently in. The roof lines up exactly with the floor they're on, and a narrow wooden plank acts as a bridge between the two. They can't tell if it had already been placed there as part of the construction sight, or by another survivor.

"Don't tell me we have to cross that," mumbles Sarah. The cool afternoon wind sends a shiver trailing up her spine.

Clementine presses her lips together, examining the scene before them. "I don't see any other way around," she says with disappointment. "There's a ladder on the other side. We could use that to get down," she nods her head towards the roof in front of them.

Uninterested in the ladder, Sarah steps closer to the edge. She wouldn't say she's afraid of heights, and they're only five storeys up, but it isn't exactly comforting looking down at the ground from the edge of a building either, especially knowing there are probably nearby walkers down there. She steps away again, then looks to the thin wooden plank that reaches the other side. The sight of it does nothing to calm her nerves.

"It looks kinda… rickety," grimaces Sarah. She wonders how long it's actually been there. If other people have crossed it in the past, they could have weakened the board even more.

Clementine inhales. "You're right. I'll go first." Confidentally, she begins to stride towards the makeshift bridge, but Sarah pulls her arm back.

"No. No, I'll—I'll go…" Sarah protests, walking past the other girl with hesitance.

"Are you sure?" Clementine presses her brows together, concerned.

"Yeah," she answers, and she isn't even sure whether she's trying to convince herself anymore. "Yeah, I can do this."

Clementine eyes her for a moment, skeptical of the unusual offer. "Okay then," she agrees, her voice slow. "I'll be right behind you. Just… take it really slow and whatever you do, don't stop moving. And _don't_ look down."

Sarah nods, then takes a deep and audible breath. "Okay." She turns to face the plank again.

"Be careful," Clementine advises from behind her.

Slowly, Sarah places a foot onto the board, taking the time to test her weight before stepping onto it completely. Her body sways briefly, but upon remembering Clementine's words, she brings the other leg from behind her and begins to walk.

The wood creaks from underneath as she continuously places a foot in front of the other, and her heart beats even quicker than before. Clementine hears it too, but the younger girl doesn't say anything in hopes of encouraging Sarah to concentrate.

When she makes it half way, she suddenly stops in her tracks. It isn't until Clementine begins to hear Sarah whimpering that her own heart nearly jumps out of her throat.

Sarah is panicking.

Her arms begin to shake and her breath is quivering now. Her weight is only continuing to weaken the board as she stands stationary on the least supported section of the bridge. If she doesn't move, the entire thing will break underneath her.

"Sarah! You _have_ to keep moving!" Clementine shouts to her across the way, now beginning to panic. "Listen to me. You're almost there, just put one foot in front of the other."

Desperate to get her to move, Sarah doesn't respond. She only continues to stand there, staring in horror at the ground below her, too afraid for her own life to even move a muscle.

"Sarah, you have to listen to me! It'll be okay, I promise. Just don't stop moving!"

Clementine can hear it clearly now - the creaking of the board, groaning so much that it may even be louder than her own heartbeat. Then there's a deafening snap and Clementine is racing towards her in an instant.

The next thing Sarah knows, she's shoved in the back so forcefully and she's collapsed onto her stomach. The surface of the roof is mere inches from her face now, and it all happens so fast that she isn't even sure where she is anymore.

When she whips her head back around towards the bridge, the last thing she sees is Clementine falling out of view before Sarah starts to scream.


	10. Tell me it's only a dream

A/N: So, I think this is the quickest I've ever updated before! I managed to write this entire chapter in less than a day, which is a huge deal for me because I'm like the slowest writer ever. If writing fanfiction all day isn't ideal for a Saturday, then I don't know what is. Usually I need at least another day to sleep on it before publishing too, but I'm feeling really proud of this one for some reason!

* * *

10\. Tell me it's only a dream

* * *

" _Clementine_!" Sarah screams at the top of her lungs, fear gripping onto her heart and tightening around it so much until if feels like she can no longer breathe.

She races to the edge, collapsing onto her knees and peering down at the ground with worried eyes. She can't see her, or hear her. She can't hear _anything_ except for her own heartrate pounding in her ears.

There are wooden boards blocking her view as part of the continued construction down below, more wooden and metal framework in the alley between the two buildings. There's so much in the way that she can hardly even see the pavement.

Sarah sprints towards the ladder at the end of the roof and hurriedly climbs down it. It feels like she might just fall the rest of the way from how violently her limbs are shaking. When she finally reaches the bottom, the first thing she hears is a distant strangled cry.

"Oh my god," Sarah gasps under her breath, relieved and afraid all at the same time. Her voice quivers so much that the sound hardly escapes her lips.

The next thing she sees is Clementine, and she's rushing towards her and leaning down next to the sobbing girl as fast as her muscles will allow. The noises she's making is absolutely horrifying to Sarah, gasping for air and groaning in pain as if she can't breathe.

When Sarah sees the blood, she wants to faint just from the sight of it.

Her leg is clearly broken, and the distorted bone has completely pierced through the skin, leaving a huge portion of flesh exposed to the air. Thick blood continuously trickles out of the wound, practically painting everything else red.

The framework above had braced her fall, but her leg must have collided with something on the way down, the impact so strong that it forced the bone out of the skin.

"Oh my god, oh my god. No, no, no, no, no, no…" Sarah repeats to herself, over and over again, as if it will somehow make everything better. It takes all her energy to stop the tears from falling just from the agonizing sight.

On her back, Clementine props herself onto her elbows as if she's trying to get up, but she whimpers in pain and the sound almost makes Sarah's heart jump out of her throat.

"No, you're—you're gonna be okay. You're okay, Clem, just—" her fingertips touch Clementine's leg, but the girl screams in protest, weeping.

When Sarah yanks her hand back, it's coated in blood. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen," she cries, and the tears are pouring out of her eyes so fast now that she fears she might drown in them.

If Sarah hadn't frozen up back on the bridge, Clementine never would have had to push her out of the way. She'd taken one look at the ground below her, even when she was specifically told not to, but once she did, she couldn't look away.

Then the wood had begun to creak and she'd been too afraid to move, fearing that if she did, she would only make it worse. She could have jumped. If she had just a sliver of bravery like Clementine did, she could have jumped the rest of the way and no one would have had to save her. None of this had to happen.

Her first thought is to find something to use as a bandage, but then there's a ferocious snarl from somewhere behind her, and Sarah's head whips around towards the end of the alley she had come from.

A walker begins to limp towards them, and Sarah rises to a stand out of panic. It isn't until then that she realizes how much noise Clementine is making as well as herself, and how many of the dead had been roaming around outside just minutes before.

" _Fuck_!" Clementine shouts at length from behind her, whining with her eyes squeezed shut.

Lost at what to do, Sarah looks to her again, then back at the walker. There are more of them now, stumbling around the corner and following the source of the noise.

Sarah's breath quickens, and she scrambles to pull out her gun from the back of her jeans. She aims at the nearest walker and fires. It's head snapping back, it collapses to the ground instantly. She fires at another, missing completely from how terrified she is. Entirely loathing herself, she ignores the feeling and pulls the trigger again, this time earning a headshot.

The heartbreaking sounds of Clementine crying on the ground behind her makes her want to just forget about the walkers and tend to the girl instead. But she forces herself to ignore it for now, no matter how much it hurts to do so.

It only seems like more of the dead are piling into the alley the more she shoots, and she notices how close they've managed to get so quickly. She won't be able to kill them all if more of them just keep coming from the sound of the gunshots. They have to get out of here, now.

Sarah shoots at one last walker, first striking it in the torso, then again in the forehead. More groans and snarls begin to reach her ears from the other direction, walkers gradually making their way in from the other end of the alley as well.

She peers down at Clementine once more. There's already more blood than before, so much that she can hardly even tell anymore what was underneath it, and ever more pooling underneath her.

With no where left for them to go, Sarah is just about ready to start screaming herself until she spots a metal door on the side of one of the buildings a short way down from them. Frantically tucking her gun away, she turns and bends down again to reach for Clementine.

"Okay, come on, come on, get up." Trying to ignore the nauseating sight of her leg, she helps her to a sitting position and pulls her up by the arms. Sarah can tell that the younger girl is practically begging her to stop, and she realizes that the action is only hurting her more. But with the sounds of the walkers getting louder in her ears, she forces herself to continue no matter how terrible she feels doing it. "Come on, you're gonna be okay. You have to get up," she pleads.

With strained effort, she manages to pull her up enough so that Clementine can put an arm around her shoulders. With practically all her weight leaning against Sarah, she struggles to hold the girl upright.

Sarah starts to walk, but Clementine moans and stumbles next to her after applying the slightest bit of pressure on her one leg. Her weak knees give in and cause her to collapse. Sarah catches her just before she hits the ground, securely wrapping an arm around her waist. "I got you. Don't worry, I got you," she comforts in a soft voice, nearly breathless.

Scooping the other arm underneath her legs, Sarah manages to haul Clementine into her arms who whimpers in response. The fact that she's stopped screaming now and is instead hardly keeping her eyes open worries Sarah to no end. Repeatedly, she tells herself they just have to make it a little longer until they get some place safe.

When they reach the door, Sarah awkwardly tries and fails to push it open while still carrying Clementine. The walkers are closing in on them by the second. Briefly, she gently lowers the girl so she's leaning against her again, now able to push the heavy metal door open with her one free hand. The action alone exhausts her.

They've entered the side door of what appears to be some sort of pub, with various tables and stools throughout the small building, and a wide bar at the front with rows of shimmering wine glasses hanging upside down from the ceiling.

With one last glance down the infested alley, Sarah shuts the door behind them just before the walkers begin to pound on the other side of the door. They're suddenly enclosed in darkness, and the groans outside have become muffled.

As soon as they enter through the doorway of the bar, Sarah feels Clementine slipping out of her arms as she leans up against her.

Desperately, she clutches onto the girl, trying with all her strength to keep her balanced on her one good leg. "No! No, no, no, no, no…" she mutters, her volume rising with every word, but Clementine's weight only brings her down further until Sarah can't hold her up anymore.

Clementine heavily collapses to the floor with a thud, bringing Sarah down to the ground with her.

"No—get up, get up! Please don't do this to me," begs Sarah frantically, rolling her over onto her back. "Clem? Clem, hey! Stay with me!"

She doesn't respond. When Sarah grips either side of her face, lolling the girl's head to the side to fully face her, Clementine's eyelids have already fallen closed.

"Come on, I can't—I can't do this without you… _you have to tell me what to do_!" Sarah finds herself sobbing so hard she can hardly see through the tears, and she hadn't even realized she'd started screaming too. "Clem… _please_ just wake up!"

Still, there's nothing. No matter how loud Sarah yells, or begs her to come back, or shakes her shoulders again and again, she doesn't move.

"I don't know what to do… I don't know what to do…" She weeps and weeps until there's nothing left, and for the first time in her life, Clementine isn't there to dry her tears.

* * *

Sarah sits on the ground of a tiny and dark room, consisting of nothing but a few lockers and a small wooden desk with nothing on its surface. Her knees are pulled up to her chest, her head hanging low and her arms resting limply across her knees.

Clementine lies unconscious on the floor next to her, her chest slowly rising and falling and not making a sound.

Sarah had bandaged up her leg as best as she could with her own plaid flannel, now only wearing the white tank top she'd had underneath. It was all she could find, and probably wasn't the best thing to use, but at least it had stopped the bleeding. It was also difficult to wrap around the bone, but she'd left it in place for fear of making the wound worse.

She'd lost so much blood during the time it took for Sarah to get them to safety. She'd listened for Clementine's heartbeat, beyond relieved upon hearing the soft thumping of the girl's heart. Even after discovering she was alive, she'd cried and cried until all her energy was completely drained from her and she couldn't manage another tear.

After briefly exploring the bar they're trapped in, she'd broken into the room at the back and dragged a passed-out Clementine in there with her. It was better than remaining out in the open right by the door the walkers were banging on, and Sarah felt somewhat safer in this room instead.

She must have been sitting here for hours, just waiting and waiting for Clementine to wake up with nothing but her horrid thoughts to comfort her. And after all this time of sitting in silence, she still doesn't feel any less devastated than before.

All she can think about is the fact that on the brink of losing the one person she loves, she'd never been so scared in her entire life.

The room is completely quiet as Sarah begins to fidget with her own fingers out of boredom. Sarah could never see the walkers on the other side of the door, but she knew they'd given up on trying to get in a long time ago, and that just reminds her of how long they've been stuck in here for.

After bandaging up her leg, Sarah had finished with a heap more blood on her than before. It coats her hands and trails down her arms, nestling underneath her dirty fingernails and drying up until it irritates her skin.

Sarah never imagined she would _ever_ be covered in Clementine's blood.

But as she sits there trying and failing to rub it all off, her eyes catch sight of Clementine next to her again and she sighs softly to herself.

Even though the girl is right alongside her, Sarah misses her more than ever, and she wonders how that could be. She shifts so that she's sitting cross-legged, leaning forward to brush the hair away from Clementine's face.

She thinks about everything that happened. She thinks about their drunken night before, and how much fun they had together, and how it had all gone so wrong so quickly. They've lost their house. With the place overrun, there's no telling whether they'll ever be able to go back there. They've lost almost everything they worked so hard to get, and nearly lost each other in the process too.

But above all, she thinks about kissing her. It's almost ridiculous – the fact that she's still thinking about that, despite everything else she could be thinking about instead. And even though she knows Clementine doesn't remember, a part of her wishes they could relive that moment all over again, just so she didn't have to think about what's happening right now.

She swallows nervously, taking a shallow breath. "Clem?" Her voice is weak from not using it for so long.

Clementine remains motionless, nothing but silence serving as a response.

Sarah looks away again in despair, and has to blink back the tears just from not hearing her voice. "I… I know you probably can't hear me right now. And… this is probably never going to matter…"

She feels stupid for even talking, but she's so desperate for some form of reassurance – for _something_ to come out from the other side, that she finds more comfort in pretending she's awake instead of sitting in silence and not hearing anything at all. Then after a moment, she thinks that maybe she _is_ awake, and… maybe she's just too tired to say anything.

Sarah sighs heavily again, unsure of what it is she even wants to say. "This is all my fault," she drops her head into her hands. If Clementine were awake, Sarah would already hear her voice telling her that it isn't her fault. After a few moments, she composes herself and raises her head again, momentarily closing her eyes.

She reaches for Clementine's palm, clutching onto her fingers with both hands. "But I _promise_ you, I am going to make this better. I don't know how, but… but I will. It's all gonna be okay… you'll see." Whether she's trying to convince Clementine or herself, she doesn't know. She stares at the other girl with a pained expression.

She looks beautiful even when unconscious, with her lips dry and her skin beyond pale. And if it weren't for the bandaged leg and stains of blood, it may even look like she's only sleeping.

"I almost lost you once," continues Sarah with determination, recalling the moment she'd traded a stranger's life for her friend's own. "I'm not gonna lose you again."

With that promise, Sarah raises Clementine's limp palm to her lips, and clutches onto her hand with so much desire, it's as if she's afraid she might just lose it.


	11. Terrified with the lights out

11\. Terrified with the lights out

* * *

 _Sarah stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. The room is silent, as if the entire world is dead around her. She doesn't know how long she's been standing here, but she doesn't care. It isn't often that she looks at herself, her appearance usually being the last of her worries, but right now she notices she looks as if she hasn't slept in weeks._

 _It wouldn't be entirely false, but she looks… different. Different than she remembers herself looking. Older, and dirtier, which could be expected. But she looks broken too. She_ feels _broken, and yet it's like she can't feel anything at all._

 _Sighing heavily, she grabs a handful of her hair and raises the scissors in her hand._

 _The hair falls pathetically to the floor, Sarah watching with a blank expression as some of it lands on her shoulder. She doesn't bother to brush it off._

 _She grabs another clump of hair in her palm, cutting it away with very little care in her touch. She'd grabbed so much at once that the scissors can't cut through it all at once, but she jams the tool into her hair with rising aggression anyway. She doesn't even bother making sure that it's straight, or that it all looks the same. She just cuts and cuts, finding herself hating it more every time._

 _When Sarah is finished, her hair lengthens just below her ears. Her bangs remain the same, but the rest of it appears messy and uneven. Chopped hair has sprinkled her sweater, a few strands having fallen on her face as well. They begin to itch her skin, so she roughly rubs them away._

 _As she continues to stare at her reflection, she feels like she could just burst out crying right then and there._

 _Her wrists still hurt. The cuts felt worse yesterday, but they still leave a stinging sensation all throughout both her forearms as if they were new. A part of her wants to open them up again just so she can watch them bleed. All she would have to do is take the scissors in her hand and run the blade across her arms, over and over again until it doesn't hurt anymore._

 _She doesn't, though._

 _Instead, Sarah moves back out into the bedroom and carelessly leaves the scattered pile of dark hair on the bathroom floor behind her._

 _She grabs her backpack on the bed, opening the zipper and tucking away the scissors. When she glances inside, she notices her bag seems to be a lot emptier, and lighter too. It doesn't take long for her to realize that her pistol is what's missing, and she automatically scans around the room for where it could be._

 _She looks under the sheets and pillows, thinking it had gotten buried in the bed somehow. Still, she finds nothing. Sarah always keeps her gun in her backpack. Clementine always told her to keep it in the same spot. That way, when she needed it, she'd always know exactly where it was. And if they ever needed to leave in a hurry, all her things would always be kept in the same bag. And that's when Sarah realizes she wasn't the one who'd moved her gun._

 _Irritated, she heads out into the hall and jogs down the stairs, immediately spotting Clementine in the living room. She's sitting on her knees on the floor in front of the coffee table, her elbows propped on the surface as she digs her nose in an open book. Her backpack is splayed open on the table as well, even more books resting in a pile next to her._

 _Sarah knows she's been practicing reading lately - much to the older girl's encouragement, and has probably been down here all day in the exact same position without moving. Sarah wouldn't know._

" _Where's my gun?" The older girl asks outright, coming to a halt in front of the coffee table._

 _Clementine doesn't answer. She doesn't even move, and only continues to look down at her book as if the other girl isn't there._

 _They haven't talked in a day. Not since Clementine walked in on Sarah yesterday, kneeling as a bloody mess on the bathroom floor, with scattered pills and a soaked blade surrounding her, screaming at the younger girl to get out._

 _Her arms begin to hurt again._

" _Clem," she sighs, fully aware she's being ignored. Sarah's been thinking she might be mad at her because of what happened, but she can't imagine why. Now, she feels like that may be an understatement. She moves closer to her, slightly bending forward. "Hellooo? Are you even listening to me?"_

 _Clementine flips to the next page._

 _Sarah rolls her eyes, groaning. Then an idea suddenly comes to mind and she lunges forward to snatch the book out from under her._

" _Hey!" Clementine shouts. She finally looks up at Sarah, appearing confused and offended._

" _Where's my gun?" Sarah asks again with a level tone._

" _Give me my book, I was reading that!" Clementine rises to her feet and claws at the object, but Sarah only yanks it away from her._

" _Not until you tell me where it is," promises Sarah with her brows raised._

" _I don't know where your stupid gun is, just give it back!" demands the young girl while continuously reaching for the book, but Sarah is so much taller than her that she's able to hold it above her head easily._

" _No! You've been ignoring me all day and I know for a fact I had it in my bag and now it's gone," Sarah states, annoyed at the fact that Clementine is continuously denying her. "I know you took it. Why would you do that?" She feels like she may already know the answer, but for some reason, she wants to hear Clementine admit to it._

 _Crossing her arms and giving up on the book completely, Clementine plops down onto the sofa and angrily turns her head away, her brows hanging low._

 _Sarah finds herself amazed at the fact that she's choosing to pout rather than talk. "I can take care of myself, you know. I don't need you looking after me, or telling me what and what not to do. So, if you think you're doing me a favour—"_

" _That's not what I'm doing," Clementine jeers while still avoiding eye contact, appearing like a little kid who's getting scolded by her parents._

" _Then what is it? Do you not trust me anymore to have a gun or something? Is that what this is about?"_

" _Yeah, fine. I took your gun," nags Clementine. "I took it and hid it from you because I don't trust you with it, is that what you wanna hear?"_

 _Pursing her lips, Sarah crosses her arms and leans into one hip as she peers down at the other girl, hurt by her mocking tone. There's a moment of silence where they only stare back at the other._

 _Clementine smirks. "You know what?" Rising from the couch, she grabs her backpack off the coffee table and aggressively digs her hand inside, pulling Sarah's pistol out of it. She holds it up so that the other girl can see it. "Here's your damn gun. Are you happy now?"_

" _I can't believe this," says Sarah quietly, before shaking her head in disappointment. "You know, I never thought you would do this to me too."_

" _Do what?" she asks, although her voice sounds far from concerned._

 _Sarah scoffs, astounded that she doesn't already know. "My whole life, everyone always made me think that I—I wasn't strong enough on my own. And I thought you were the one person that didn't see me as… as someone who needed to be protected or something," Sarah explains, and both of them are fully aware that this is about more than just the gun. "I thought you believed in me, but you're just like everyone else." She steps closer to Clementine, her voice accusing. "You don't think I can handle a gun. You don't think I can do this on my own."_

" _No!" Clementine defends, fumbling for words. "I just—I know that you… that you have—"_

" _What, problems?" interrupts Sarah. She knew she'd be too afraid to actually say it._

 _Fuming, Clementine presses her brows together in response, only glaring back at her._

" _You really think I don't already know that about myself?" presses Sarah further, offended._

" _I'm just saying, it's not easy for me to handle either, okay?"_

" _I trust you more than anybody," Sarah interjects almost all too quickly, her voice desperate. "Why can't you just trust me too?"_

" _I'm trying to help you!" Clementine yells, her volume rising with every word. "What do you want me to do? Just let you carry a gun around and let you go off and lock yourself in the bathroom doing who knows what when I'm not around?" The incident from the day before remains clear in her memories. "I don't know what else to do!"_

" _What are you so afraid of, Clementine?" Sarah bites back with impatience. "That I'm gonna kill myself or something?!"_

 _Clementine chucks the gun across the room. It slams against the far wall and lands on a low cabinet, various objects loudly tumbling to the floor._

 _The room goes completely silent._

 _Clementine only glares at her. Her fists curl up at her sides until her knuckles turn pale, and her eyes are almost threatening. "You…" her breath quickens, and for the first time that day, her stern expression finally begins to shatter. "_ You _don't get to say that to me!" Clementine shouts so loud that her words echo throughout the house. The cracking of her voice is absolutely heartbreaking._

 _Suddenly at a loss for words, all Sarah can do is just stand there, wide-eyed and in shock. She didn't think such a voice could come from such a small person._

" _Don't you get it? There is_ nobody _else! Luke… and—and Kenny and Nick and Rebecca, they're not coming back!" snaps Clementine._

 _Sarah lets out a small gasp, crushed at hearing her say such a thing. Ever since they all got separated, Clementine has done nothing but assure her that there was still a chance of finding them. She would never let Sarah lose hope. And now, she can't bear to hear her say the opposite._

" _You don't know what I've been through, okay? You don't know what it's like… to lose everyone you've ever known because of the things that you did," Clementine bellows. "Everyone I have ever loved is dead! They're gone and it's because of me!"_

 _Sarah is convinced she can feel her own heart breaking in that moment. For only the few months that they've known each other, Clementine hardly ever opened up to her about anything. This whole time, she had no idea such a thing could be true. To be at fault for someone's death, especially someone you love… Sarah can't imagine what that must be like._

 _It isn't until now that she realizes, everything Clementine is saying is true - they're never coming back. There really is no hope for them._

" _And now… now it's just me and you and if_ anything _happens to you…" Clementine's breath hitches, tears pooling in her eyes and threatening to fall. "It will be_ my _fault," she sniffles, her face contorting. "Because that means that I wouldn't have done enough to stop it. Because I'm supposed to help you now, and if you did something and I didn't know about it, it would be too late. And then… then I would be alone again." She raises her hands to her face as she starts to sob, the thought alone terrifying her._

 _For a while, all that can be heard is the sound of Clementine crying. Yet still, Sarah can't find anything in her to move. Instead, she feels ashamed of herself, loathes herself for not realizing any of this sooner. Sarah had no idea how much she had actually scared her._

" _You lose people and you can't get them back," Clementine sputters through her sobs, her words hardly understandable. "And sometimes when—when they lose the people they love… they change. And they want to hurt themselves. And... and now it's happening to you too. And… I don't know what else to do."_

 _With the one thing she can think of doing, Sarah finally approaches the tormented girl and gently pulls her into an embrace. "Hey," she comforts in a soft voice._

 _Clementine easily melts into her arms, sniffling against Sarah's chest. "I can't… I can't lose you too," she weeps._

" _I know…" mumbles Sarah. She rests her chin on top of the girl's head. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Her palm soothingly rubs up and down Clementine's back. "I promise."_


	12. If there is a place for me

12\. If there is a place for me

* * *

Sarah sits with her back against the wall, her head resting against the hard surface and gradually lolling to the side.

Far too much time has passed with her having nothing to do in such a small space, but she wouldn't leave this room if that meant abandoning Clementine's side for a second. Instead, she finds herself wanting to just go to sleep.

Their journey from the house to here has left her absolutely exhausted, and crying for so long has also left her with an agonizing headache. She still feels like her face is flushed from it, her eyes stinging from all the tears. So, when she closes them for just a moment, she feels as if her entire body is going numb.

She doesn't know how long she sits there in that position, but just as Sarah begins to feel herself drifting away into unconsciousness, she hears Clementine moan from the ground next to her.

She almost doesn't notice it. But for a brief moment, Sarah snaps her eyes open and freezes, then realization suddenly hits her and she's scrambling to the girl's side in a heartbeat.

"Clem?" she leans over her, and Clementine sounds as if she's struggling to breathe. "Clem! Oh my God. Oh, thank God you're awake!" Sarah practically leaps onto her, gripping her shoulders and pulling her up to a sitting position so that she can hug her. "I was so worried! I—"

Clementine flinches from her touch, yelping in pain. "Ah! Okay, that—that really hurts," she hisses through her teeth, gently pushing Sarah off her and lying back down.

"Oh! Sorry!" Sarah recoils, yanking away her arms and sitting back on her knees. "I'm sorry, I—I didn't mean to, I just—" Her eyes begin to water, feeling overwhelmed just from finally hearing her voice again. "I was so scared, I didn't know when you would wake up or—or what to do…"

Clementine squeezes her eyes shut, looking as if she's trying and failing to comfortably shift as she lays on the hard ground, but the action only causes more pain instead.

Realizing the younger girl probably isn't even listening to her rambling right now, Sarah's eyes are suddenly overflowing with concern. "Are you okay? Do you—do you need anything? I…" she frantically reaches for the nearly empty water bottle next to her. "I found this in your bag. There's only a little bit left, but I—I saved it for you, see?" She unscrews the cap. "Maybe it'll help with the… with the pain." Her voice wavers, the familiar guilt from before suddenly rushing back to her. "Here," Sarah doesn't even let her answer before she's placing her hand behind the girl's head and helping her drink with the other.

With her mouth dry, it hurts for Clementine to swallow, but the water leaves a somewhat refreshing sensation trailing down her throat afterwards.

"Do you feel any better? I mean… than before?" asks Sarah.

Clementine clears her throat. "Yeah, I just…" she coughs, her voice sounding hoarse. It pains her to breathe. "God, it _really fucking_ hurts." Her leg feels like it's burning, as if a thousand knives have been impaled into it. It's all she can feel. Yet at the same time, it's like everything from the waist down is so numb that she can hardly move a muscle.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Clem," Sarah shakes her head continuously. "Oh, this is all my fault… this is all my fault…" The tears fall from her eyes faster than she realizes, and everything she had been feeling finally pours out of her heart all at once. "If—If I had just kept going like you told me to. If I had just listened to you, then you wouldn't have had to push me and none of this would have happened and then you wouldn't be—"

"Sarah?" Clementine interrupts her, her weak voice hardly audible.

Sarah sniffles, her cheeks wet with tears. She stops, finally locking eyes with the girl laying in front of her. "Yeah?" As Sarah waits in anticipation for what she is going to say, she doesn't even realize that Clementine had grabbed her hand.

"Please don't cry," she whispers.

For a while, Sarah only stares back at her with a pained expression. And as much as she wishes she could do just that, she finds that the broken sound of Clementine's words makes her want to cry even more. She tries to hold it in, but the next thing she knows, she's sobbing so hard that the sound doesn't even escape her lips, and she's clutching onto the other girl's hand with everything she has.

Her face contorting, Clementine feels her nose tingling and a lump forming in her throat just from the sight before her. Her chest tightens, and the tears well up in her eyes too.

"You said it would be okay," the older girl chokes out, remembering what she had been told just before it had all gone wrong.

Clementine intertwines her fingers around Sarah's own. "I know…" she murmurs, her voice just above a whisper.

There's so much they want to say to each other, but neither of them know where to start. And so, all they do is remain there in silence, as they find themselves too tearful and overwhelmed to say anything for a while.

Finally, Sarah wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand, somewhat composing herself. She looks over to Clementine's injury, her brows pressed together with worry. She can still see where the bone is sticking out, even wrapped underneath Sarah's blood-soaked shirt.

Noticing where her eyes are, Clementine is suddenly reminded of the pain continuously throbbing throughout her entire leg. She tries to ignore it. "How long has it been?" Swallowing nervously, a part of her is fearful of the answer.

Sarah checks her watch. "Three hours and forty minutes," she states with hardly any thought. "I… I've been keeping track. You know, just in case you didn't wake up. Then I would know something was wrong."

Clementine's hands come up to rub her face, wiping the tears away. "God…" she groans upon learning how long she'd been out, not wanting to imagine how agonizing that must have been for Sarah, too.

"I locked us in here, though. The walkers left, so you don't have to worry. And if they do come back, they can't get to us," reassures Sarah with pride. "We're safe in here."

Clementine smirks weakly. "You did a good job."

Sarah grins softly at that, feeling a rare sense of content. "I really missed you," she finds herself saying, the words escaping her lips without her ever thinking about it. Despite everything that's happened, she's never felt as happy to be with Clementine as she does now. And even though it's only been a few hours, it'd felt like a lifetime in her eyes.

Suddenly, Clementine winces, biting her lip in an attempt to muffle the groan that escapes her lips. She shuts her eyes, looking as if she's desperately trying not to reveal how much pain she's in.

Sarah's eyes widen, feeling terrible that her friend is in such a state right now. "I wrapped up your leg for you," she informs in an uplifting voice, as if that will somehow make the other girl feel better.

"Did you, uh… did you push it back in?" Clementine grimaces. Purposely, she hasn't looked down yet, but considering how excruciating her leg feels right now, she thinks she may already know the answer. Still, she hopes she may hear something different.

"N-no. I didn't know if I was supposed to, and I didn't want to make it worse." The idea had crossed Sara's mind, but she'd felt sick upon thinking about it for more than a few seconds.

A nauseating feeling begins to nestle in Clementine's stomach after that, her heartrate increasing.

"Are—are you okay?" Sarah notices the other girl taking deep breaths now, who only hisses in pain with every exhale.

"I just… I feel really sick right now," she breathes, squirming on the spot as she lays in discomfort.

"W-why? Is it the pain? Is it getting worse?" questions Sarah worriedly.

"Sarah…" begins Clementine, the tone in her voice frightening the other girl. "You're gonna have to push it back in."

"What?" Sarah gasps, her heart nearly jumping out of her throat.

"You have to," insists the younger girl, expecting such a reaction. "Otherwise it's gonna get worse and it's never gonna heal." Terrified with what's about to happen, she forces herself to remain calm.

"No, I—I can't. I can't do that. Please don't ask me to," begs Sarah, shaking her head continuously.

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you," she says.

Insecurely, Sarah looks to her leg again, biting her lip in contemplation. "I don't know if I can…" Her gaze avoids Clementine's own. "I don't wanna hurt you."

Hearing Sarah's considerate words makes her want to smile. Clementine clears her throat once more, her breath hitching as she speaks, "I trust you… okay? I know you're scared… but… I know you can do this."

Sarah meets her eyes again, the uncomfortable look on her face practically begging Clementine to not make her do this. Looking back down to her leg, she takes a deep breath.

She knows Clementine is right. Obviously, the younger girl is in no state to do anything for herself, and that leaves everything entirely up to Sarah. And if she doesn't do anything about it, Clementine is never going to get better. That is the _last_ thing Sarah wants to happen.

With as much tenderness in her touch as possible, Sarah moves to unwrap the makeshift bandage around the girl's calf. She hears Clementine moan in discomfort from the gesture.

Most of the blood has dried up, but there's so much of it that when Sarah pulls the flannel away, a lot of the dark and thick substance ends up sticking to the fabric and the wet sound is absolutely nauseating. The bone is entirely visible, coated in dry blood, and Sarah feels sick all over again just from seeing how it had snapped entirely in half. It's surrounded by a large gash that exposes her flesh, and the skin around it is swollen and red.

Grimacing and forcing herself not to look away no matter how much she wants to, Sarah shifts on her knees to get a better angle. "Okay," she finally agrees, sighing to herself. "You're right, I can… I can do this."

With her heart pounding against her chest, Clementine shuts her eyes and holds her breath, bracing herself.

"Are you ready?" asks Sarah, her hands hovering over the wound.

"Yeah," Clementine lies, exhaling.

"Wait," exclaims Sarah, and the other girl shoots her eyes open to see what it is she's reaching for. Digging her hand through Clementine's backpack on the ground next to her, Sarah pulls out her miniature flashlight. "Bite down on this."

Clementine eyes it for a moment, wondering whether it's necessary or not. But considering all the noise she's bound to be making soon, they don't want to risk attracting unwanted attention from the dead outside. Hating this even more, she snatches it from Sarah and clamps the object between her teeth.

Turning back away, Sarah stares down at the wound, swallowing the fear. After much hesitance, she presses her fingers against the bone and pushes.

Clementine squeezes her eyes shut. She yelps, the sound muffled by the flashlight in her mouth. Her entire body tenses up from the bolt of pain that shoots throughout her whole leg.

Wincing, Sarah forces herself to continue as a dreadful squelching sound fills her ears.

Clementine begins to scream.

Since the bone had been forced out, a portion of it had ended up on the outside the skin, and Sarah finds it extremely difficult to push it back underneath with little effort. After a while, blood starts to ooze out of the wound again, and it drips down Sarah's hands and in between her fingers. The warm feeling of it makes her cringe.

Clementine bites down as hard as she can, her own jaw hurting from the pressure. As Sarah continues to push, she wants to just beg her to stop. The pain is so excruciating that she can hardly keep still, and she brings her hands up to cover her face as if it will somehow lessen it.

Sarah feels like the worst person in the world, just knowing that she's deliberately hurting her and is solely the cause of the noises she's making. And when Clementine starts to cry, she wishes she could just jump off a bridge right then and there.

She's desperately trying to get this over with as fast as possible, but it's like the bone is only continuing to resist her, hardly moving through all the flesh and blood that's in the way. "I know, Clem, I'm—I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's almost there," Sarah shouts over her wailing, feeling the need to reassure the poor girl. "I know it hurts, Clem, just a little bit longer."

But the more she pushes, the more Clementine sobs. Sarah wishes she didn't have to listen to it, but she tries and tries with everything she has to concentrate on what she needs to do.

After what feels like a lifetime for the both of them, the bone is finally forced back into its proper place with one final push, and they both feel like they can breathe again when Sarah slowly moves her bloody hands away.

As she stares down at it, she sees there's now a large gash left where the bone had pierced through, and even though it's dripping with blood, it looks far better than it had. With her hands shaking, Sarah quickly wraps back up, Clementine still whimpering softly after taking the flashlight out of her mouth.

Sarah sits back on her knees, exhaling from the relief. They're both breathing heavily now. The room is suddenly so much quieter around them, and despite everything that just happened, Sarah finds an odd comfort in it. Then Sarah finally looks over to Clementine.

Tears are streaming down her face, sweat masking her forehead as her chest continuously rises and falls.

The older girl presses her lips together, her heart aching at the sight. Slowly, she leans forward to gently stroke her cheek. Her blood-soaked hand leaves a red smear on the side of the girl's face. "Hey…" she whispers, smiling softly down at her.

Clementine closes her eyes underneath her gentle touch, overwhelmed with pain and at a loss for words. She whimpers again, the last of her tears falling from her eyes. Sarah notices she looks absolutely exhausted.

"You're okay," murmurs Sarah in a comforting tone, the sound hardly escaping her lips. Without further words, she shifts to lie on her side next to the other girl, and clutches Clementine's hand to her chest.


	13. Something to believe in

A/N: There is a bit of a time skip between this chapter and the last so please don't miss that because it is very important!

* * *

13\. Something to believe in

* * *

 _3 weeks later_

Sarah keeps her pistol raised as she slowly steps around another abandoned car on the side of the road, peering down the barrel of her gun and preparing to fire at anything that may be moving.

The sky is grey above her, the thick clouds appearing as if it might start raining soon. Not a sound is heard around her except for the gloomy whistling of the wind. Strands of hair are swept out from underneath her hood as the cold breeze hits her once more, sending a shiver trailing up her spine.

Quickly scanning the area and discovering nothing unusual in her sights, Sarah warily approaches the empty parking lot of the drugstore in the distance.

Reaching the front door, she tucks her pistol into the back of her jeans and pulls out a small jar from Clementine's backpack on her shoulders, a couple of bullets sealed inside the glass object.

She peers through the window, looking upwards and spotting a small bell above her on the other side. She swings open the door, expecting the brief ringing of the bell that sounds from above.

Leaning against the surface to prop open the door, she aggressively shakes the jar in her hand. The bullets inside continuously clink against the glass, causing a ruckus that interrupts the silence.

In nearly no time at all, she hears a low moaning sound coming from the back of the building, her eyes not yet spotting anything that moves. Sarah then digs through her backpack again with little haste, retrieving a thin book from inside. More growling reaches her ears, getting louder by the second.

She wedges the book underneath the door and takes a few steps back, the entrance to the drugstore now propped open. The walker emerges from within one of the aisles, immediately catching sight of the girl and stumbling towards her with urgency.

Now outside the store, Sarah pulls out the knife from her boot as she calmly waits for the rotting figure to approach her. She sees a second one emerging from behind, just as the first walker reaches her.

With a blank expression, Sarah kicks her foot into its knee, causing it to tumble over and land on its side. In a swift gesture, she plunges her knife into its skull and yanks it out, the body going limp. She steps over the corpse to meet the second walker, who is continuously clawing its bony hands while snarling viciously at her.

She kicks it in the leg, hearing a crack as it collapses onto its back. She bends down, stabbing the walker in the head and swiftly stepping past the lifeless body all in one motion.

After retrieving her book from underneath the door, Sarah makes sure to close it behind her with as little noise as possible. It isn't much warmer in here than outside, so she tugs the hood of her jacket even lower over her eyes, hoping she won't have to be in here for long.

With the store now clear of the dead, she makes a beeline towards the end of the small building while glancing at the contents on every shelf. Rushing into one of the aisles near the back, Sarah tucks her knife away and begins her search.

There isn't much left on the shelves, but her eyes skim over every remaining bottle while frantically scanning for words that are familiar to her. She picks up a few different ones, rotating them in her hand and reading the information on the back. Some of them end up being empty, and she rolls her eyes upon wondering why someone would leave an empty bottle.

After a few minutes of not yet finding anything useful to her, she advances even further down the aisle, but then she hears the distant sound of the bell jingling from back the way she came, followed by the door clicking shut.

Whipping around in an instant, Sarah freezes in her tracks while instinctively equipping her gun. She can't see the door from where she is, but she attempts to peer through the shelves in search of any moving figures that may be seen on the other side.

After a minute of spotting nothing, she cautiously makes her way back down the aisle, her form buckled and her steps slow and cautious.

She flicks the safety off on her pistol as quietly as possible, listening carefully for any further noise, but she doesn't hear anything anymore. For a moment, she thinks it may have only been the wind, a gust having managed to swing the door open and close it again. But then she hears what sounds like a shoe brushing against the floor and she presses her back against one of the shelves. Momentarily closing her eyes in preparation, she takes a final breath.

In one quick motion, Sarah lunges out into the open and raises her pistol with both hands, preparing to shoot.

"Whoa, whoa, take it easy," a male voice babbles frantically, and Sarah finds herself only a few feet away from the intruder.

Her first instinct is to pull the trigger, but upon noticing the man's alarmed expression and the fact that he's unarmed, she thinks better of it.

No sooner does he speak, the front door bursts open behind him with a bang and two more figures race inside, aiming their rifles directly at Sarah.

Her grip tightening, Sarah moves to aim at them instead, their weapons automatically making them more of a threat.

She watches as the man shoots a signaling hand in their direction, stopping them from firing. The two women freeze, eyeing him in contemplation then at each other, as if they're unsure whether they want to heed to his command. He nods in confirmation at his friends, not a word exchanging between the trio.

After a few tense moments, they finally lower their guns and the man turns back to Sarah with a satisfied look on his face.

Sarah's expression remains cold and hard, her finger touching the trigger as her aim remains fixed on them. If they thought the action of lowering their guns would somehow put her at ease, it didn't.

"We don't want any trouble," he says in a stern tone, his empty hands raised in surrender. "We're—we're not here to hurt you."

It isn't until now that Sarah finally gets a good look at the people in front of her. The man appears to be in his late forties, with greying hair and a dark brown jacket. One of the women appears to be much younger, with long red hair and earmuffs around her head. The other has a blonde ponytail and must be in her thirties, wearing denim overalls and a thick red jacket overtop.

Sarah is successful at leveling her rapid breath, but she can't help how her pistol quivers in her hands as she aims it at the strangers in front of her. "Stay back," she warns.

"Hey," he holds out a cautious hand toward her. "You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," Sarah interjects almost all to quickly, her tone confident. Already flashing back to the last time she had encountered a stranger, Sarah knows that if these people do a single thing she doesn't like, she won't be afraid to shoot this time. She won't make that same mistake again.

"Okay, we—we just wanna talk," he reasons. "Is that all right with you?"

"Then talk."

The man seems taken aback by her harsh tone, and Sarah can clearly see on his face the moment he realizes that she's not going to lower her gun any time soon, soon accepting that fact with a disappointed scowl.

My name's Adam… and… this here is Emma and that's Madeline." He gestures to the blonde first, then the other girl, before turning to completely face Sarah again. "We, um… we saw you come in here. We thought you might need some help."

Sarah narrows her eyes at this, finding his statement to be unexpected. Usually when you see other people, you'd run in the opposite direction. Why would they voluntarily approach her just to aim their rifles at her before attempting to strike up a casual conversation? She finds his claim difficult to believe, automatically decreasing their chances of gaining any sense of trust from her.

"Are you all alone out here?" he asks.

Sarah doesn't respond.

The entire building is encased in awkward silence, but she sees the other two behind him nervously glancing at each other as a reaction to Sarah's uninformative response.

"You look pretty young to be on your own," observes Adam, and Sarah immediately furrows her brows at the way he seems to be studying her all of a sudden, as if he's entirely unable to figure her out.

She purses her lips in thought, debating how much information she wants to tell him. Her grip on the gun loosens ever so slightly, a flash of sorrow striking across her features. "Yeah," breathes Sarah. "I'm alone."

He nods faintly in understanding, noticing the longing in her eyes. Pushing away the thought of whatever seems to have happened, he chooses to change the obviously sensitive topic. "You're looking for medicine?"

Sarah is confused for a moment, before remembering they had obviously seen her just now, and she soon figures there would be no point in denying that observation.

"Is someone sick?"

She remains silent, finding his series of questions to be never-ending. It's almost as if he's testing her, and she wonders why he would care so much.

"You don't _look_ injured," notes Adam. "And if that were the blood of the dead on you, I'd be smelling it from here." He gestures downwards, his implication clear.

Following his eyes, Sarah briefly glances down at herself, and it isn't until then that she fully acknowledges all the blood. She hadn't even realized it was there until now. The front of her jeans is covered in it. Her jacket is partially smeared, and her hands are completely painted red as well.

He's right, it _isn't_ a walker's blood. And it isn't Sarah's either.

She readjusts her grip on the gun, finding that he is getting to be a little too personal. Considering whatever it is they probably want from her, she decides she won't believe a word of what it is they have to say. "Please, just get out," demands Sarah. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you make me."

"Look, I—I know it's not easy to trust people these days." Adam raises his hands in caution again, hardly bothered by her threat. "Believe us, we've seen our share of bad people before."

The girl with the earmuffs, Madeline, takes a step forward. "We're from a hospital just a few miles north of here," she declares. "If medicine is what you need, we got plenty of it back at our place. We've got food, water, doctors…" she lists. "If you come back with us, we can help you."

Sarah's eyes widen upon hearing this, her arms lowering slightly. "You… you have a doctor?" She doesn't want to believe these people, but at the same time, a huge part of her is willing to believe anything at this point.

"We do," confirms Madeline, glancing at her friends. "And we got plenty of room for new people, too. We can give you what you need, and you can bring whoever else you have with you, too."

Sarah's eyes flicker to the ground in debate. All the information she's suddenly hearing is overwhelming, and she finds herself at a loss for words.

Snapping herself back into reality, Sarah despises herself for momentarily getting lost in the idea of such a fantasy. Those things don't exist. People don't just offer help out of kindness, not unless they get something out of it. The world just doesn't work that way anymore. "Why would _you_ want to help me?" she asks in a nearly dangerous tone, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"It's… kind of what we do," the other girl, Emma, speaks up. "If we see someone who has less than we do, we help them. If they need it, we give it to them," she explains. "There aren't enough people left that are willing to do that, now a days. And we would've given anything for a helping hand back when we were in your situation."

"What if I'm dangerous?" presses Sarah further.

The three of them exchange looks with each other. "We're fully aware there are dangerous people out there," adds Adam. "But the way _we_ see it, you're just a young girl who's been left on her own and is struggling to fend for herself. At least, that's what it looks like to us."

Sarah wants to defend herself, but after hearing his accurate depiction of her, she can't help but lose confidence from how easily he is able to see through her.

"We saw you looking for medicine just now," he continues. "And… we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves knowing that we didn't offer some of ours when we knew someone else needed it more."

"We just want to help. That's all," insists Madeline. "And if you don't want to come, then… we'll be on our way."

The building dissolves into a tense silence after that as the three of them all wait in anticipation for Sarah's response. She observes their expressions one by one, aiming to find any hint that would tell her whether they're lying or not. But she doesn't find any.

They really do just look like regular people, as opposed to bandits, or murderers. Then again, Sarah has murdered before, but nobody would ever say that she looked like one.

She still isn't entirely sure if she believes them, but taking that risk right now has to be better than not taking any at all. It isn't every day you encounter other people, especially ones that claim they want to help. And with her desperation, she knows she would regret saying no to such an offer. So with Sarah still skeptical, she decides on an alternate solution.

"Here's what gonna happen," Sarah breaks the silence, her voice firm. "I stay here. _You_ come back with one of your doctors and they give me the medicine I need. Then you all go straight back to where you came from and never come back after that."

Noticing that she is staring directly at him when she says this, Adam looks back towards the two women for affirmation, who both nod in his direction. "I don't see the harm in that," he shrugs, turning to Sarah again. "It'll be a few hours trip, though."

"I can wait," Sarah almost interrupts. If these people stick to their word, she knows that in just a few hours, everything will be better. Still, she doesn't allow herself to get too hopeful. Not yet.

"All right, then," grins Adam, satisfied with this arrangement. "Would you be so kind as to lower your gun, now?"

Sarah hesitates. She glares towards Emma and Madeline, then stares Adam down for a few moments more before finally obliging. But just after Sarah slowly lowers her arms to her sides, and her muscles finally relax, she hears a door burst open from behind her and a gun cocking immediately afterwards.

"Put your hands above your head!"

Sarah freezes. With her heart now pounding against her chest, her first thought is that she'd been tricked into lowering the gun.

"Don't shoot! She's not a threat!" shouts Emma as she steps forward with her hands waving in protest.

"Bullshit! I saw her pointin' a gun at you guys just now. She was gonna shoot!" argues the voice from behind her.

Sarah's pistol is still in her hand at her side, but with the rifle that is presumably aimed at the back of her head right now, and with three other people surrounding her, she refuses to turn and instead remains entirely still.

"She's okay, she didn't know who we were!" splutters Adam. "She wants us to go back and—"

"Hey! Who are you?" interrupts the voice, and Sarah is fully aware that question was directed at her.

"Hey, we have it under control," Adam pesters. "Just put the gun down, and no one has to get hurt."

"Not until she drops hers first."

The group turns silent after that. Sarah looks to the three in front of her, at a loss for who to listen to. But considering she may get her head blown off at any minute, she loosens her grip on her gun and lets it clatter to the floor when no one else protests.

"Turn around. Slowly," instructs the voice.

With her empty hands now raised in the air, Sarah attempts to maintain a steady breath. She momentarily closes her eyes, exhaling. Then she moves to turn as slowly as possible, and stares wide-eyed at the face that meets her.

"Sarah?"


	14. Don't ever look back

14\. Don't ever look back

* * *

All she can do is stare. For a moment, she thinks she might be dreaming, and it's like everything else is frozen around her. All she does is watch with her mouth agape as the rifle that's aimed at her is slowly lowered away from view.

"Oh my God…" Sarah says under her breath, and the next thing she knows she's running into his arms so fast that the both of them almost fall over from the force. "Nick," she cries. Her arms are wrapped tightly around his torso, the side of her face pressed against his chest as she squeezes her eyes shut.

For a moment, his hands only hover around her, as if he hasn't yet processed anything that's happening. But then a rare sense of joy overwhelms him and Nick securely returns the embrace, resting his head on top of Sarah's.

"What the hell?" says Emma from somewhere behind them.

"Wait, you _know_ her?" asks Madeline in disbelief, but neither of them are listening to the other people in the room.

"Jesus Christ, kid, I almost shot you," exhales Nick with relief, completely breathless. He shuts his eyes, entirely melting into her.

Sarah chuckles into his chest, the sound muffled by his jacket. The last time she had seen him, they'd been smearing themselves in walker guts, surrounded by the dead as gunfire sounded all around them. That had been years ago. She remembers it all too well, and her tears soon begin to pour of her eyes.

"I can't believe it's really you," weeps Sarah.

"Yeah… it's me," he says, his emotions just beginning to break him too. "God, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," Sarah smiles as she burrows her face further into his chest, as if she's afraid he might let go. She pulls away suddenly, but his hands still linger on her arms. "I don't understand, we—we thought you were dead. After Carver's—"

"Me? I thought _you_ were dead," interjects Nick frantically. "When you didn't meet us, we all just assumed…"

She hugs him again, the both of them finding Nick's sentence better left unsaid. "No," Sarah sniffles, her voice broken. "No, I'm okay."

After a few warm moments between them, they suddenly hear Adam awkwardly clearing his throat from a few feet away. "I… hate to interrupt but… does someone wanna tell us what the hell is going on?" he asks.

Nick and Sarah finally pull apart from each other. "Sorry," says Nick, a grin still lingering on his face. "This is Sarah. We, uh… we used to be part of a larger group. Couple years back."

"Well, it's uh… it's nice to meet you, Sarah," greets Adam.

As Nick looks to Sarah again, he can't help but lose himself in how different she looks. Her hair is much longer than it used to be, tied away into two messy braids that peek out from underneath her hood. She's gotten taller as well, and her face is dirty and bloody. Her eyes appear tired, as opposed to the life they once held. But her red-framed glasses are still the same, and that makes Nick want to smile.

"We're really sorry about… all that," adds Emma. "If we'd have known who you were…"

"It's okay," Sarah briefly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand.

Nick grabs her shoulders so that she faces him again. "Sarah," He cradles her face in his hands, dying to know about the one thing he'd always feared the most. "Can—can you _please_ tell me you haven't been alone this whole time?"

"What?" After two full years of being with Clementine every day, she'd forgotten that being alone was even an option. " _No_ … no, I—" her voice quivers, and Nick notices how her eyes are now looking in every direction except for his own. She begins to cry again, looking as if she's trying to speak but can't find the words.

"Sarah. You all right?" Nick peers down at her so their gazes are level, but she still refuses to look him in the eyes. "I'm… sorry if I scared you," he says, remembering how he had just pointed a gun at her.

"No, it's—it's not that, it's…" she frantically shakes her head, now staring at the ground between them.

"What? What's wrong?" he asks with his eyebrows creased in concern.

"It's Clementine," sobs Sarah, finally looking up at him.

"Clementine?" Nick's eyes widen, his heart pounding against his chest as he wonders just what exactly it is she's trying to tell him. He hadn't expected to ever hear that name again, but from how distressed she looks all of a sudden, it can't mean anything good.

"Whoa, wait, who the fuck is Clementine?" Madeline steps towards them, confused.

Sarah's breath hitches, tears continuously pouring out of her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. "Please, you—you have to help me, there's something wrong with her."

* * *

"Clem… Clem!"

She hears it. Over and over again, the panicked sound of her own name fighting against her hazy mind. There's nothing there, only blackness. Yet at the same time, she's seeing so much at once that it hurts to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds.

She lolls her head to the side, feeling heavy. The movement alone makes her groan in pain.

"Clem, can you hear me?"

A blurry face, looming over her as darkness surrounds everything else, hands touching her with brimming desperation, and that pleading voice shouting back at her.

"Hey, it's me. Look at me!"

Weighing further into the ground with every passing moment, her aching muscles are just begging her to move, and the words only continue to reverberate through her head as she lays numb.

Nick finally takes his hands off her, realizing that Clementine just isn't going to respond. Deciding to reach out to Sarah instead, he whips his head around to face her, who stands as a sobbing wreck in the doorway.

"What the hell happened?" Nick shouts as he kneels next to the disoriented girl.

Clementine's skin is pale. She's curled in a ball on the floor, whimpering, with a makeshift splint on her leg. Her calf is wrapped in a thick bandage with a couple of wooden rods that have been tied around it with a belt, keeping her leg straight and sturdy. She's shivering violently with her teeth chattering, yet she feels burning hot to the touch. Her lips are dry and stained a dark purple, and her wrist is tied by a rope to a pipe against the wall. She's wearing a black oversized sweater with the hood pulled tightly over her head, the brim of her hat still peeking out from underneath.

"She—she fell and broke her leg," Sarah chokes out. "The bone was completely out but I pushed it back in, and I—I thought that she would get better after that but she's only gotten worse and I don't know what's wrong with her." She cries even harder. Her hands come up to cover her mouth, but she's so relieved that someone else is finally here that it makes Sarah want to break down even more. "I don't know what to do. I—I tied her up in… in case she turned…"

"Was she bit?" As much as Nick hates to ask it, it's the only thing he can think of in the moment.

"No, I already checked. And she hasn't left here in weeks."

"Has she said anything?" Nick asks, his breath quickening from the alarming sight of his friend.

"N-no, she—she can't breathe half the time. She won't even look at me. It's like she can't even see me," sobs Sarah.

"She can't _breathe_?" exclaims Nick in surprise, his own heart feeling as if it's tightening from the overwhelming sense of worry.

Clementine's entire body jerks as she begins to cough, an awful sputtering sound escaping her as she hacks up a heap of blood, her mouth and chin now coated red.

"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck," Nick runs his hands through his hair in a panic, at a loss for what to do.

"Oh my God…" mumbles Madeline from somewhere behind Nick.

"Has she done that before?" Nick asks Sarah as he grips Clementine's shoulders again in an attempt to keep her awake.

As Sarah remains stationary in the entrance to the small room, she finds herself weeping so much that she can hardly even answer him. "Y-yes, it—it keeps happening. I don't know what to do."

"Wh-what can we do to help?" asks Emma, also bothered by the frightening situation.

"Go get the vehicles, quickly," demands Nick. "We're taking her back with us." He swiftly pulls out his knife, grabbing Clementine's wrist and cutting away the rope.

Without protest, the two girls rush past Sarah and out through the door that leads back out into the bar.

"Do you want me to carry her?" asks Adam, approaching Nick.

"No, I got her," Nick insists as he begins to lift Clementine off the ground, who groans painfully in response. "Just go help Emma and Maddie. We'll meet you guys at the hospital. If you get there before us, tell them what happened and to get a doctor ready."

Adam obliges, sprinting out the door while nearly tripping on his own feet.

Continuing to sob, Sarah watches with utter helplessness as Nick cradles Clementine in his arms, both of them left completely breathless.

"You're gonna be okay, kid… you're gonna be okay… you're gonna be okay…"

* * *

Rain patters against the car window as Sarah gazes outside, raindrops continuously trailing down the glass and absolutely mesmerizing her. It's only noon, but the sky is still grey outside, and she can hardly see a few feet away with the thick fog that clouds the air.

Despite everything else, Sarah feels a sense of serenity from the sight, just knowing that she's finally away from the cold, and everything outside is only continuing to pass them by as they speed down the road.

"Is she still awake?" Nick asks from behind the wheel, staring out at the street ahead.

She looks downwards at Clementine. The girl is laying on her side across the back seat, curled in a ball and resting her head in Sarah's lap. With one of Sarah's palms placed on Clementine's arm, her opposite hand intertwines with the other girl's fingers by her head.

Her eyes are closed, but Sarah can tell she isn't asleep by the way she occasionally shifts her body, as well as the soft noises she's making. She's always been a still sleeper.

"Yeah," exhales Sarah, relieved by her own answer. "She's… she's pretty out of it, though." As she watches Clementine slightly press her lips together, then crease her brows as if she's in pain, Sarah wonders if the girl even knows what's happening. She thinks maybe Clementine can still hear everything, she's just too weak to respond to what's around her.

Emma, Adam, and Madeline had left before them in the other truck, with Nick, Sarah and Clementine now left alone. Sarah had insisted she sit in the back with her, never for a second wishing to leave Clementine's side.

"And you said she fell?" questions Nick.

"Yeah," mumbles Sarah, a wave of sorrow hitting her just from the horrible memory. "We were crossing a plank on the roof of an apartment building. And… I told her I wanted to go first. I guess I just… wanted to be brave like her," she looks down at Clementine again, their fingers delicately weaving around each other's. "But… once I was on there I just… _froze_. I thought I was gonna fall, and all the walkers would get to me. Then the wood started to break under me and she pushed me out of the way," she explains, recalling every second of it as if it had happened yesterday. "Then it was too late."

"Jesus Christ," he murmurs, shocked. "How long ago was this?"

Sarah swallows nervously. "Three weeks."

When Nick doesn't respond, Sarah finally looks up at him again and tries to peer over his shoulder, but she can hardly read his expression from her spot in the backseat.

" _Fuck_ …" He sighs heavily, hanging his head low. "God _fucking_ dammit," mutters Nick. He momentarily batters his fist against the steering wheel as he drives.

"Are you okay?" Sarah presses her brows together in concern, now watching his eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"I just… I can't believe this is happenin'," he shakes his head in disbelief. "I never thought I would see you two again. 'Specially not like this." For a while, all that can be heard is the sound of the rain pelting against the car as Sarah averts his gaze. "You know, for a second, I thought she was dead back there," he admits, and Sarah can clearly hear the pain in his voice.

He can't imagine what that would have been like - to find her again after all this time, just for her to already be dead. And somehow, Sarah can read his thoughts exactly. Still, she isn't entirely sure what to say.

"You really saved us, Nick," she finally breaks the silence. "I don't know what would've happened if I never found you."

"Yeah," he sighs, though it's as if her statement hardly makes him feel any better. "Yeah, guess I did."

Chewing on her bottom lip, Sarah tiredly rests her head against the window. Her eyes flicker down to Clementine's head in her lap again.

Sarah had wiped away the blood she coughed up, but her lips are still a vibrant red and there's a faint smear that has dried up on her chin. She's still shivering, the baggy sleeves of her hoodie pulled far over her wrists and almost entirely hiding her hands. Her sweater is pulled so far over her neck that it covers her ears as well.

Wishing she wasn't so cold, Sarah rubs her palm up and down the side of Clementine's arm. "So… you guys really _are_ from a hospital?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah," Nick says. "I know it's kinda hard to believe. It ain't every day you hear about places like that, you know? But… we got good people over there that can help her. I promise, you two are gonna be in good hands."

She didn't want to trust them, but Sarah realizes that they really _did_ just want to help her. She had almost walked away from them, because it had all just sounded too good to be true. And if she had done that, she probably never would have found Nick. Her and Clementine would still be stuck at the bar, freezing and starving, and dying all at once.

"Hey, I'm sorry for, uh… for pointin' a gun at you earlier," Nick apologizes, distracting Sarah from her thoughts. "I almost killed you back there."

"It's okay. You didn't know who I was," she says.

" _No_ , it's not," disagrees Nick. "I was gonna do it, you know. If I would've shot you, then _no one_ would've found Clementine."

Taken aback by his negative tone, Sarah realizes that the thought of Clementine being left alone in her state is enough to make her want to cry again. And even though they had come so close to that actually happening, she refuses to let Nick feel bad about what he did. "Well… you didn't," she says. "You were just protecting your friends. If I were you, I probably would've done the same."

"I sure as hell hope not," scoffs Nick. He finds that to be unbelievable, coming from her of all people. "You shouldn't ever have to do those things, Sarah."

The car is encased in awkward silence as Sarah realizes that he doesn't know half of the things she's had to do. She just isn't the same person that Nick remembers her being, or… probably that _anyone_ remembers her being. "Last time I saw someone pointing a gun at Clementine… I killed them."

Nick glances to her in the rear-view mirror, noticing how she's now staring longingly out the window and avoiding his gaze. Seeing the dark look in her eyes, he finds that a part of him isn't as surprised as he should be. "Seems like you two have been through hell," he mumbles, looking back out at the desolate road again.

Sarah almost scoffs at that, recalling everything that had led them up to where they are now. "Yeah… I guess we have."

Clementine shifts her head in Sarah's lap, a low mumble escaping her throat.

Sarah brushes the curl from her cheek. "But… we look out for each other." She continuously strokes Clementine's hair over her ear, listening to the girl's soft breathing. "I don't know what I'd do without her."

"Man, just wait 'til Luke finds out you guys are okay," beams Nick unexpectedly. "I swear, that guy ain't had a full night's rest since we lost you guys."

"Luke's alive?" Sarah nearly perks up in her seat, a wide grin automatically forming on her face.

"Sure is," smirks Nick. "Hell, if _he_ weren't alive, I wouldn't be either. Son of a bitch saved my life on more than one occasion, I'll tell you that."

Sarah automatically looks to Clementine again, as if expecting an excited reaction from her too. She doesn't get one, but Sarah knows the other girl would be just as happy to hear that as she is. "What about Rebecca? And the baby? Did they make it?"

It turns quiet between them once again, Sarah's series of questions lingering in the air. "I'll tell you all about it later," promises Nick with a level tone. "Right now, let's just focus on getting Clementine to safety. It's been a rough day for both of you."

* * *

When they reach the hospital, Sarah can hardly breathe.

The car door bursts open. Nick grabs Clementine from the backseat and Sarah rushes behind them as he carries her through the pouring rain and into the building. The next thing she knows, they're wheeling her away on a stretcher and Sarah is trying so hard to keep up as her and Nick bound down the hallway together.

Her heart is in her throat and her fingertips feel numb. Her head is clouded and heavy, her eyes brimming with so much fear that she thinks she might just fall over.

As they round another corner and Clementine is pushed through a doorway to one of the rooms, Sarah is so relieved from the thought of her being okay that she begins to smile.

But then the door swings shut in her face, and her and Nick are left abandoned on the other side.

In that moment, she has never felt so useless. Her heart shatters. She freezes in the hallway, all the noise and shouting from around them suddenly cutting off and dying down into nothing.

Sarah watches anxiously through the window of the door, numerous voices sounding muffled from inside.

She could walk in there. Sarah realizes that there is nothing stopping her from pushing those doors open and rushing to the girl's side, but as she watches them crowd around Clementine and entirely block her from view, Sarah finds herself frozen, and she realizes she's not sure if she really wants to.

Tears well up in her eyes, and Sarah begins to pant for breath.

"Hey," Nick murmurs from next to her, noticing her anxiety. He firmly wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him. Just from the petrified look on her face, he knows exactly how scared she is right now. He feels it too, but it takes everything in him to remain strong for her.

Feeling his palm rubbing up and down her arm, Sarah buries her face in Nick's chest as she squeezes her eyes shut.

He wraps his arms even tighter around her, letting her cry into him. "She's gonna be fine, all right?" Nick mumbles with a pained expression. "They're gonna take care of her."


	15. it seems like only yesterday

15\. It seems like only yesterday

* * *

It only takes a minute for the doors to open again. When Sarah sees a figure emerging from the room that Clementine is in, she pulls away from Nick's embrace and wipes her eyes. Hopeful and nearly smiling, she tries to race inside, but the woman closes the doors behind her back before Sarah is able to.

"Nick," the woman greets upon noticing him, and Sarah finds her casual tone quite unusual considering the circumstances. "I was beginning to think you guys weren't gonna come back."

She must be about the same age as him, maybe a little older, with light brown hair that is neatly tied away into a low ponytail. She's wearing a white long sleeve shirt with a loose floral skirt that lengthens down to her knees, holding a clipboard and pen in her hands. Her appearance is oddly clean and pleasant. Since the walkers, Sarah knows she has never seen someone look so… normal.

Nick scratches the back of his neck, inhaling through his teeth. "Yeah, we, uh… kinda got held up."

"Is Clementine gonna be okay? Can I see her?" Sarah asks the woman frantically, entirely ignoring their small talk.

"It's, um…" she glances nervously in Nick's direction, as if exchanging silent words with him, before facing Sarah again. "It's probably best if you stay out here. They're gonna need some space for a little while."

A confused expression crosses Sarah's face as she realizes that the woman had entirely ignored her first question. "No," she argues. "No, I—I _have_ to be with her, she _needs_ me!" Sarah attempts to push her way past the woman and into the room, refusing to accept that answer.

"Hey, hey, hey," Nick grabs Sarah by the shoulders before she can get reach the door, pulling her back. "Sarah," he says calmly.

" _No_!" shouts Sarah, aggressively trying to shove Nick away as he continues to restrain her. Eventually, she stops thrashing, but Nick's hands remain on her shoulders as he tries to calm her down.

"Sarah, I, uh… I think you should listen to Elizabeth. It's… probably best if you don't see her right now."

The girl doesn't respond to him, and is instead only breathing heavily through her nose now and staring hard at the ground, as if trying to contain her anger.

Nick looks worriedly to Elizabeth, who returns his uncertain glare. Cautiously, he guides Sarah towards one of the chairs next to them in the hallway. "Just… sit down for a minute, all right?" he encourages in a soft voice.

With her hands shaking, Sarah lets him sit her down without protest, still panting for air and avoiding eye contact.

He kneels down in front of her so their eyes are level, then pulls out his water bottle from the backpack on his shoulders. "Here, just have a sip of water. It'll make you feel better, I promise."

For a while, she only stares at it, as if she's not sure whether she wants it or not. But considering how long it's been since the last time she drank, Sarah reluctantly accepts it and raises the canteen bottle to her lips, her cheeks glistening with tears.

Nick rises to a stand, relieved. Sighing heavily, he turns back to Elizabeth and pulls her aside so Sarah is unable to hear. "I'm… sorry about that, she's… she's just a little bit overwhelmed right now," Nick tells her in a hushed voice. "I don't think they've really been apart like this before."

"I see," Elizabeth nods in understanding, subtly peering over Nick's shoulder towards Sarah.

"I guess it's just with… meetin' new people and goin' to a new place all in one day. It's been pretty tough on her." He plants his hands on his hips, sighing again upon remembering everything that happened earlier. "Those girls were all alone out there for… fuck if I know. God _knows_ how long."

"And… you knew them? I mean, before?" asks Elizabeth, crossing her arms across her chest.

"After, actually," Nick corrects. "Luke knew them too, but… they're like family to us, you know?"

"Yeah," she says, "I know."

They both look to Sarah again, silently observing her from a distance. She's staring blankly at the ground now, completely unmoving and holding a disturbingly dead look in her eyes.

"I'll talk to her. See what I can do," promises Elizabeth.

"Yeah, that'd—that'd be great."

She brushes past him, heading back towards Sarah, before Nick grabs her by the arm.

"Wait," he says, keeping his voice quiet. "She, um… she gets scared pretty easily so… you know, try not to say anythin' that'll make her upset."

"I'll try not to." She cautiously steps towards the distressed girl, stopping a few feet away and peering down at her in the chair. "Sarah, is it?" she asks her in as friendly a voice as she can muster. "My name is Elizabeth. Nick here was just telling me that you knew each other before."

Sarah remains unresponsive, nothing on her face indicating that she had even heard the woman.

Elizabeth turns awkwardly towards Nick, as if asking for assistance.

"You're a doctor?" Sarah finally mumbles, her broken voice hardly audible.

"Yeah," Elizabeth smiles, pleased that Sarah is at least acknowledging her. "I know I'm not dressed like one right now but I _was_ a doctor before, you know… the world turned to shit and everything. We have quite a few people here that used to be doctors, actually."

"So…" Sarah sniffles, her eyes still watering with tears. "You can tell me what's wrong with my friend?"

Feeling heartbroken at her words, Elizabeth hesitates.

"Sarah," Nick takes a seat next to the young girl, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "She just wants to talk to you for a little bit first. Is that all right with you?"

"I guess so," shrugs Sarah.

"She's just gonna ask you a few questions. About Clementine," informs Nick.

Approaching them, Elizabeth sits down on the other side of Sarah and angles herself towards her. "Just start from the beginning," she says. "Tell me what happened."

Sarah takes a deep breath. She tells her everything, from the very moment Clementine had fallen, all the way up until now. Speaking about it all just makes her emotional because it's as if she's reliving it, but she manages not to cry again, and instead only feels numb as Nick and Elizabeth listen to her in silence.

She asks Sarah how long Clementine has gone without speaking, or eating, and whether she had taken any medication, as well as if she'd been showing any unusual behavior. She writes it all down on her clipboard, and Sarah doesn't really question why she is asking such unusual things. She just answers without even thinking about it, as if she's not really listening at all.

To Sarah, it feels like they've been sitting there for hours, though it may have only been ten minutes. But she isn't really sure how much time passes before Nick tells Elizabeth he thinks that's enough for now.

"You've been very helpful to us, Sarah," she says after thanking them both for their time, satisfied with the information she's obtained.

"I have?" Sarah asks in a small voice.

"Yes. It might take us a little while, but we're gonna figure out what's wrong with Clementine as soon as we can." Elizabeth briefly gestures towards the door. "I got people in there working on her right now so when we do, we'll be sure you're the first person to know, okay?" She gently pats the girl's knee for comfort.

Sarah isn't entirely satisfied with that. She doesn't want to wait any longer, and she knows they still aren't going to let her see Clementine. But the understanding side of her knows that there's probably nothing else they can do right now, and she decides to accept it anyway. "Okay," she murmurs, her head hanging low in disappointment.

Sarah remains seated as Nick and Elizabeth rise to stand and move a few feet away from her. She knows they're probably talking about her again, but she finds that she doesn't really have the energy to care. With their hushed voices nearby, she doesn't even try to listen to what they're saying. Instead, she waits until she hears the door clicking shut, figuring out that Elizabeth has left them alone and gone back into the room.

It goes quiet again, and just as Sarah looks up at Nick, they hear a shuffling sound that echoes throughout the hallway combined with heavy panting, startling them both.

"I'm here… I'm here," calls out a voice from the end of the hall, a figure stumbling around the corner and almost sliding across the floor. "I came as fast as I could."

Sarah recognizes that voice so quickly that her face instantly lights up as she jumps out of her seat. "Luke!" she shouts over to him, grinning ear to ear.

"Sarah," he breathes, and she's already sprinting down the hallway and leaping into his open arms so fast that her feet leave the ground.

Her arms are wrapped tightly around his neck, Luke embracing her with everything he has and laughing at the same time. She can't help but laugh too just from the joy and nostalgia that suddenly hits her all at once.

"Oh, we've missed you so much," chuckles Luke. He leans back, lifting her even further off the ground and making an exaggerated groaning noise as if she weighs a ton, but Sarah only continues to giggle at his theatrics. It makes her feel like a little kid again.

Luke sets her down, instantly touching her face, his hands soon moving to grab her shoulders then her arms. "Hey, I think you've gotten a bit taller since the last time I saw you," he grins widely, "You've got like a whole new look goin' on here, don't you?" he realizes, sounding impressed.

Still giggling uncontrollably, Sarah shyly brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Wait until you see Clementine," she says.

"Shit, where is she? She okay?" Luke's smile instantly drops, his eyes worriedly scanning around them. He'd been so caught up with Sarah, he never even noticed that the other girl was no where to be found.

"She's in there. Doctor's are lookin' at her right now," Nick nods towards one of the doors down the hall, but Luke is already running towards it. "Wait, wait," Nick steps in front of him. "We can't go in there, yet. Elizabeth already told Sarah…"

"I just wanna see her," Luke interjects and brushes past him without care, continuing down the hall.

Nick and Sarah only watch in silence when he suddenly freezes directly in front of the door, staring in shock through the window and not saying a word.

For a second, it looks as if he might fall over. "Holy shit," he finally says under his breath, running a hand through his hair.

Looking through, there's a handful of other people in the room, but they're entirely invisible to his eyes. All he sees is the girl lying still on the bed in the centre of the room, and the mere sight of her alone, even from a distance, almost makes him feel as if he can't breathe.

"That's her?" he asks in disbelief. As Nick and Sarah also approach the door, Luke still can't seem to look away. "I can't believe that's really her right there."

He isn't sure if it's because he believed she was dead, or because of how different she looks now, but a part of Luke feels as if he might be dreaming. Sarah had changed too. But Clementine - she looks like an entirely different person. It isn't until now that he realizes how both of them had just passed him by, growing this entire time, without him ever even knowing they were alive.

Despite the melancholy feeling, Luke begins to laugh again after a minute. "I can't believe you found them," he turns to Nick next to him, briefly stroking the side of his face before pulling the other man into an embrace.

"I was gonna come get you," Nick says when they pull apart.

"It's all right. Maddie came and found me as soon as they got here. Said she'd figured I'd wanna know where you were," explains Luke while crossing his arms, the three of them now peering through the window together. "I was on patrol earlier, but I ran straight here as soon as she mentioned Clementine. Didn't even listen to what else she had to say."

As they all stare after Clementine in silence, wearing sad smiles on their faces, it's as if they'd all forgotten each other were there. Caught up in the sight before them, no one is really sure what to say anymore.

"Jesus… what the hell happened to you guys?" Luke mutters to Sarah while shaking his head, finally breaking the silence.

"I…" stutters Sarah, already exhausted from being asked that so many times today.

"Luke? I, uh… I was thinkin' Sarah could maybe use some fresh air right now," Nick suggests, sensing the girl's discomfort.

"Oh, right. Right," Luke nods in understanding as realization hits him. As Nick and Sarah turn away, Luke only takes one hesitant step from the door before stopping again, looking as if he doesn't want to leave.

"Hey," Nick's hand reaches out to touch his arm. "She'll be okay. Someone'll find us when they're done."

"Yeah," Luke clears his throat while nodding. He shoots one final glance through the window before following them down the hall, walking next to them. "We got some catchin' up to do, right, Sarah?"


	16. I need some sleep

16\. I need some sleep

* * *

As Nick, Luke and Sarah circle the outside of the building, Sarah notices that no one seems to be paying any attention to her, which she finds she quite appreciates. She's not sure if she'd be able to talk to any more people in one day.

With Nick and Luke, on the other hand, it seems like everyone they walk by has something to say to the two men. Whether that's asking how they're doing or giving one of them a high five, it makes Sarah feel so out of place as she notices how comfortable they seem to be. She feels insecure that she's probably the only one here other than Clementine that doesn't seem to be friends with everyone around them.

There is a light breeze in the air, and the rain has mostly cleared up by now. The sky is still grey with only a few residual raindrops that fall onto the wet pavement at their feet. But despite the gloomy weather, there are still a few people lingering outside the building.

Sarah can't remember the last time she had seen this many people, especially all in one area. Everyone looks so peaceful, giving off an unusual and tranquil atmosphere. Some of them are armed while others aren't, and Sarah thinks that it shouldn't be so safe for them to be out here. Then she remembers that the hospital is completely encased in a towering wall made from shipping container panels, therefore entirely secure and away from walkers.

Nick explains to Luke everything that Sarah had told him about Clementine, figuring that Sarah would prefer it that way, and they find that she is hardly saying anything through it all.

She just feels so tired. When she walks, it's like every step is a chore, and her shoulders end up slumping so much that it hurts her back. Sarah has hardly slept in about three weeks. Crying so much in one day has only left her more exhausted as well, but she's used to the feeling by now. She should be happy, being with Luke and Nick. She's relieved, that much is for sure, but… she wonders how she can feel so dead when everything around her is so alive.

"You all right there, Sarah?"

She looks up when she hears Luke's voice from directly next to her, his words almost passing her by.

He knows she isn't all right, considering the circumstances. But still, he feels like he should ask anyway.

"Yeah, I just…" she briefly rubs her face, sighing. "I just haven't been away from her like this before."

Nick puts an arm around Sarah's shoulders as he walks on the other side of her, pulling her into him. "Yeah," he says. "We know, kid."

"I feel like I abandoned her," realizes Sarah, a wave of guilt suddenly washing over her. "I should be up there with her right now. Like… what if she gets confused when she sees I'm not there? What if she doesn't understand what's happening?" A part of her wants to turn around right then and there, rush back inside and demand to see Clementine again, but Luke's words are enough to ease her panic.

"Look, I know this probably ain't what you wanna hear, but… just try not to think about it right now," he advises. "'Kay, she's got people in there looking after her who know what they're doin'."

"I'm sorry," apologizes Sarah, staring longingly at the ground as they walk. "I shouldn't make this all about me. You guys are probably pretty worried about her, too."

"Well, yeah, but… it ain't nothin' compared to how you're feelin'," says Nick. "You guys must mean a lot to each other after what you've been through and all. 'Specially after so long."

Sarah chuckles softly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Is it that obvious?"

Nick chuckles, jumping at the chance to tease her. "A little bit."

Luke's smile soon fades after that obvious understatement. "You ain't got nothin' to apologize for, you hear? And I know this probably ain't worth much, but we're gonna try and make you as comfortable here as we can, all right?"

"Thanks, guys," Sarah smiles softly. "That… that does make me feel a little better."

"Glad to hear it, Sarah," Nick grins.

"So… Have you guys been living here this whole time?" she asks, gazing around at the bustling community around them.

"Not the whole time. We were on the road for a little bit, 'bout a year back. After that night at Howe's, we all met up at Parker's Run," answers Nick, his voice soon trailing away with remorse. "After that, everythin' just kinda… fell apart."

"What happened?"

Nick and Luke exchange glances from either side of Sarah, as if deciding who should speak next. "Well," Luke begins, figuring they were going to have this discussion sooner or later. "We, uh… we waited for you guys, for I don't know how long. Must've been days."

As Sarah listens intently, she can't help but notice how Luke is now staring hard at the ground, clearly bothered as he remembers it all.

"Everyone was there except for you and Clem. We saw her run after you back at Howe's, so we figured maybe y'all just got holed up somewhere. So, a few of us left, tried to find you," he continues. "We'd take turns goin' back out there, just lookin' for any sign that you were alive, but… the snow was comin' in. Nobody was in good shape anymore. Rebecca was in labour, Kenny was still sore over Sarita. Guy didn't even wanna move half the time. It was gettin' colder every day and we had to find a place for the baby. Eventually, we just… moved on. Figured y'all didn't make it."

Sarah finds herself speechless at the unexpected story, shocked at finally hearing what had actually happened. It devastates her knowing how much everyone had apparently searched for them, when she'd eventually convinced herself that they hadn't at all.

"And after the baby was born, well… little guy didn't make it a day." Luke shakes his head, wearing a frown. "We didn't even have time to name him, you know. Must've been from the cold or… not havin' enough food."

A gloomy silence briefly descends upon the three, and Sarah finds she isn't sure what to say anymore. She remembers how excited she was for Rebecca. She had promised the woman she'd be the baby's best friend, and she liked the idea of not being alone all the time, surrounded by adults. Even now, she still wishes she could've met him.

"That same night, Jane left," adds Luke. "She got really mad. Said somethin' about not wantin' the same thing that happened to y'all happen to us, but… I don't think she really meant it. She was really upset about not ever finding Clem, for some reason."

Nick lightly nudges Sarah with his elbow. "Yeah, he's failin' to mention the part where him and Jane—"

"Okay, okay, you don't gotta to bring that up again," Luke interjects before he can finish that sentence, but Nick only snickers from the man's embarrassment. "Sarah doesn't need to hear about that shit," he groans.

Nick leans closer to Sarah, lowering his voice with a devious grin still on his face. "Yeah, he really hates it."

Clearly not as amused as Nick seems to be, Sarah turns to Luke in confusion. "Wait, you and Jane were…?"

"See? Look what you did. Now she's askin' questions," pesters Luke.

"I'm seventeen, Luke. I know what… _that_ is," she grimaces.

"Yeah, well, I don't care how old you are, you're still a kid." Luke turns to Nick, pointing an accusing finger at him. "And _don't_ go bringin' that up with Clem, either."

Despite the man's seriousness, Nick only continues to chuckle. "No promises," he jokes.

Luke rolls his eyes. "And—and no, we weren't. It was just a one-time thing," he clarifies. Noticing Nick's smirk and Sarah's shocked expression, Luke scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah, wasn't really my best of moments, and _this_ asshole never lets me forget it," he accuses, jabbing his thumb towards the other man.

After the laughs die down, the three of them continue walking in silence before Luke speaks up again.

"Anyway, we pushed on after that to get away from the cold," he continues, the humour in his voice completely dropping again. "And Rebecca… it was too much for her. She was so devastated. She told us she couldn't keep going. She'd lost Alvin and her baby in so little time and so… she just ended it. Pulled the trigger right in front of us."

Sarah hardly reacts. All she does is just stare blankly in front of her, barely pondering over everything he's telling her. When she was younger, she had so much hope that they were all okay. But now, after all this time, she hates to admit to herself that she had expected something like this. "They're all dead… aren't they?" she mumbles.

"Actually… we don't know," answers Luke after a moment, the two men exchanging glances again. "We found this house… stayed there for a bit. It weren't very warm but it had a truck. So, Kenny fixed it up for us. We were gonna leave the next day, head somewhere warmer. But… we heard the engine in the middle of the night. We raced outside, but… they were already gone. Mike and Bonnie took everything we had and just… up and left, just like that."

Sarah wishes she could find some sort of comfort in that – knowing that maybe they aren't all dead, but she doesn't.

"For a few weeks after that, it was just us and Kenny," he explains. "We had no food, no supplies. We were freezin'. Everything had turned to shit. And Kenny… he was gettin' to be out of control. One day, he started this fight with Nick."

"What were they fighting about?" asks Sarah, finally gazing up at him.

"He said that everythin' was _our_ fault," answers Nick with annoyance in his tone. "That we let Mike and Bonnie steal that truck, and that if none of that ever happened, we wouldn't have been stuck out there with nothin'."

" _Was_ it your fault?" questions the girl.

"No, it wasn't," Nick sneers, as if he's still trying to defend himself. "Fucker just wanted someone to blame."

"Yeah. It got so bad that I had to step in there just to break them up," Luke adds, remembering it all so clearly as if it had happened yesterday. "Kenny was tryin' to kill him, so… so I pointed a gun at him. He started yellin' that we didn't try hard enough to find Clem, and that she was dead because of all of us. Then Kenny started cryin'.

"He was just there, sittin' in the snow. I'd never seen him like that before. He started tellin' us about his family and how he's lost people before. He said Clem had been the only one left he cared about, and that he wished Carver had just killed him back at Howe's."

With a disturbed look on Luke's face, it turns quiet between the three again, and Sarah only waits in anticipation for what he is going to say. Nick thinks he might have to continue for him, but the man finally speaks again.

"He told me to just pull the trigger… so I did."

"Oh my God," gasps Sarah.

"Yeah. It…" Luke clears his throat. "It was pretty rough. Funny thing is… it was _so_ goddamn easy," he admits. "I know it's a horrible thing to say, but… it was like a weight was lifted after that. But I kept thinkin' that maybe if Clem we were with us, he wouldn't have asked for that."

"I think he would have anyway," consoles Nick. "It all just seemed so… inevitable."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right." Luke says with a sigh, although he sounds far from convinced.

"Are… are you gonna tell her?" asks Sarah.

"Of course I am," Luke responds without hesitation. "I know those two didn't exactly get along all the time, but… I know she loved him a lot. She deserves to know. But… we'll save all that for later. That probably ain't the first thing she'll wanna hear, you know?"

"What happened after that?" questions Sarah.

"Well, then it was just Nick and I. We didn't have much. We were barely survivin', and that lasted for the rest of the winter. One day, we got holed up in a store fightin' off lurkers. Then a couple of people came around and helped us outta there. Long story short… we were so desperate that we went back with them. And now, here we are," Luke gestures his arms outwards, gazing around them with a smirk. "Haven't left since."

"That's it?"

"Sure is. And that was about a year ago now, I think," adds Nick.

She gapes at the ground for a moment. "I can't believe it," she mutters. "We… we didn't even think you looked for us."

"We did, Sarah. We looked for so long," Nick assures.

"We looked for you, too. Well, we tried to, but after my dad, I just… things got really bad for us," laments Sarah, feeling guilty all over again. It hurts her to think back to it all, after she had worked so hard to forget.

"Is that why you didn't meet us?" asks Nick.

"We wanted to. I—I tried to but Clem didn't know where it was and I just didn't know what to do." She hangs her head low in shame. " _I_ was the one that was supposed to get us back to you, but I just… couldn't."

"Hey," Luke rubs a comforting palm up and down her back. "It ain't your fault, Sarah. I'm sure you did everythin' you could."

She doesn't say anything after that. By the sorrowful look on her face, they know his words have done nothing to change her mind.

"So, what happened after that?" Nick changes the subject.

"We were running away from walkers and we came across this farmhouse in the middle of no where. But… eventually we had to leave because we didn't have anywhere to get food. Then, we were lost again," she explains in a small voice. "We had no where to go."

"Is that when I found you?" wonders Nick.

"No. That was a really long time ago. We just… didn't live anywhere for a while. We just kept walking. We slept somewhere different almost every night. It was awful." replies Sarah, avoiding eye contact. "Then we found a city, so… we started living there. We had a house and everything, and things were actually really nice for a while." Thinking about how things used to be, she almost begins to smile again, before remembering the events of the past few weeks. "Then the walkers chased us out of there too, and… that's when it happened."

Luke purses his lips in thought, wishing it could have been better for them. "Sounds like things were just bad all 'round."

For a second, she wants to agree with him. But it hadn't been all bad. Because even though bad things happened, she still had Clementine with her, and that had been anything _but_ bad. She doesn't say that though, finding there would be no point. Instead, she finds something else to say. "That city we were in… do you guys know anyone that went there? A few weeks ago?"

Finding her question odd, the two men exchange looks from either side of Sarah once more. "No, don't think so." Nick answers. "We were the first people that went there in a few months. If there had been another supply run, I'm sure we would've known about it."

"Oh," she says. "That's good."

"You saw someone?" Luke perks up, peering at the girl.

"Yeah." Even though she's glad to know she hadn't killed one of their friends, she finds it too difficult to show it on her face.

"Wait, is this the same person you… told me about in the car?" Nick realizes.

Sarah nods.

"What person?" asks Luke, beyond curious as to what they had apparently discussed.

"It doesn't matter," decides Sarah before Nick is able to explain. She doesn't want to talk about her. "I guess she was just a scavenger, then."

With the two others seeming glum, Luke quickly decides not to push the subject any further. "All right, then."

"So… you guys do supply runs? Is that your job?" Sarah asks them.

"Sometimes," shrugs Nick.

"We don't really have just one job. Everyone here kinda does everythin'. Just whatever they can to help out," informs Luke.

"That sounds nice," realizes the young girl, her mood lightening from such a pleasant idea. The only other community she's witnessed had been Carver's, and the way that place was run makes _anywhere_ sound appealing.

"Yeah. We got a good thing goin' here," Nick smiles, then an idea suddenly comes to mind. "Hey, when you're feelin' a bit better, we can show you around some more, if you want. Maybe you could even help us with some of _our_ jobs."

"Hey, look at that," Luke chuckles, nudging Sarah in the arm. "Maybe you can come patrollin' with me one of these days." He leans closer to her, his voice lowering to a whisper. "You can carry the big gun."

She responds with nothing more than a forced breath of laughter, clearly not as excited about the idea he seems to be. Sarah doesn't like guns. Nevertheless, she appreciates Luke's shot at humour.

Somehow, everything in Sarah's life had changed in a day. She's met so many new people, and has been taken to a new place so far away from what she's used to. Her best friend is hospitalized, and now, two people she thought she would never see again are suddenly by her side and making jokes as if they _hadn't_ all lost two years between each other.

"I… kind of just want to sleep," admits Sarah.

"Oh… right," realizes Luke, suddenly assuming her thoughts. "Sorry, I know it's probably too soon for that."

* * *

A/N: I really hope nobody is too disappointed with what happened to the rest of the group. I just feel like realistically speaking, after two full years, it would've been nearly impossible for them all to survive/stay together, as they weren't the most compatible. As you can tell, I tried to stay as close to canon events as possible, just because this story really isn't about them, it's about Clementine and Sarah. And there are also multiple reasons why I chose to have Nick and Luke the only other survivors. Hopefully, that clears some things up!


	17. UPDATE

UPDATE

* * *

Hi everyone! This is just a quick update to let you know what's going on with me and this story right now.

I am definitely not abandoning this story, as it means too much to me at this point. I've put a lot of thought and effort into writing Sarah and Clementine's journey, and I wouldn't be able to leave it when there is only four chapters left. But there are quite a few things going on in my life right now that are more important to me, which is why I haven't written a word in about a month.

I'm not sure how long it will be until I can start writing again, but please stay tuned for when I do. Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading this story so far, and I hope you all understand!


	18. After all these years

A/N: I'm back bitches! (and so is Clementine) Sooo it's been like 10 months but I'm finally getting back into writing again. I told y'all I wouldn't abandon this story! I didn't forget I swear. Also, I recently published a new twdg modern AU story called Runaway if any of you would like to check that out.

* * *

17\. After all these years

* * *

Luke taps his foot anxiously on the ground, the repeated sound practically echoing throughout the vast empty hallway of the hospital. Nick and Sarah are seated on either side of him, the three of them all waiting anxiously right outside the room where Clementine is currently being held.

Sarah's hands are fidgeting in her lap, and the way Luke keeps aggressively rubbing his hands through his own hair next to her does little to ease her anxiety.

They'd rushed here as soon as they were called back inside and told to wait for someone to come out of the room. No one out of the three of them has said anything since they started waiting five minutes ago. They're all too caught up in their own thoughts of what it is they're about to hear, terrified of what it may be.

Finally, after what feels like forever, their heads snap up at the sound of the door opening. Luke is the first to leap out his chair and approach the man, with Nick and Sarah following suit. "Is she awake?" he presses.

Sarah is ready to burst into the room but the Doctor gently closes the door behind him before she can even get a peek inside.

"Can we see her?" Nick rushes.

Sarah's eyes are practically piercing the man with her anticipation for an answer. He's holding a clipboard in his hands with a full page of scribbles on it, presumably notes about Clementine. He has dark skin, black-framed glasses and dark hair that is graying at the ends. He's wearing casual clothing just as Elizabeth was. Sarah assumes he was also a doctor before the walkers came.

"Yes, Clementine is awake," answers the older man, his voice clearly more calm than theirs. "And yes, you may see her, but… there's just a few things you need to know before you do."

"Like what?" bursts Sarah, her words coming out louder than she'd intended.

"You must be Sarah," he smiles softly at the girl. "She was asking about you."

"She was?" Sarah perks up, both fear and happiness jolting her heart awake at the same time. She can only imagine what all of this must be like for Clementine. She must've been so confused. She probably didn't know where Sarah was. What if she was scared? No, Clementine wouldn't be scared. She's always been the braver one out of the two of them.

"Are you two sisters?" the Doctor questions.

"Huh?" Sarah stares blankly at him, not even fully registering his question at first. "N-no. No, we're… not. She's… she's just my—"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pry," the man interjects up realizing how much he's clearly flustered the girl. "It's just… from the amount of times she said the name 'Sarah', I just assumed you were a family member of some sorts."

A part of Sarah is grateful he interrupted her before she had to explain what Clementine was to her.

"Clem _is_ my family," defends Sarah, her irritation returning.

The two of them being sisters is definitely never something that has crossed her mind. They don't look at all alike, in her opinion. But maybe that's just because she sees Clementine as someone that is so different from her. She wonders what else people see them as.

"Well, it's a good thing you brought her here when you did, Sarah. Another day and… well, she may not have made it," the Doctor's voice falters, his eyes suddenly holding a hint of shame. "It… turns out her injuries are worse than we'd have hoped."

"What do you mean?" Sarah is really starting to lose patience with this man.

"Clementine has undergone a case of sepsis, which is a condition caused by an immune response triggered by a bacterial infection to her leg," he states.

"What? What does that mean?" Sarah knows what he's telling her is probably not that hard to understand, but she's just so frustrated at the fact that they still aren't letting her see Clementine that it makes her want to tell him to just get to the point.

Briefly, he glances to Nick and Luke with uncertainty. "She has three broken ribs, which is what had caused her to cough up blood as well as have trouble breathing," he lifts up the page on his clipboard with a sigh, reading off of it. "There isn't much we can do to treat them, but it's expected for her to have reoccurring chest pain and shortness of breath, which can take approximately one or two months for them to entirely heal on it's own."

Sarah's eyes gaze into nothing, her cluttered mind attempting to register everything he's saying.

"Going three weeks without professional medical attention, she'd been exposed to dehydration, high fever, and low blood pressure, which often causes fatigue and light-headedness. She'd been experiencing blurry vision for quite a while, as well as a lack of concentration, meaning she wasn't able to process anything around her, because her body was too weak to focus on anything for more than a few seconds."

Sarah begins to panic. "Does she know we're here? Does she know what's happening?"

"Yes," he assures the bothered girl. "We've already told her everything we just told you, so there's no need to explain her condition to her again. In fact, it may be best to try to avoid the subject as much as possible. From what I've been told, that girl has gone through too much for one day."

Thinking back over the past few weeks, Sarah clearly recalls the way Clementine would have wandering eyes sometimes. She didn't know why she was doing that back then. Sarah would be talking to her but Clementine just looked really confused the whole time. It frightened her more than ever.

"You told Elizabeth that you had pushed her bone back in?" inquired the Doctor, referring back to his clipboard.

Reminded of that awful day, Sarah swallows her nerves. "Yes," she mumbles, fearing he might just tell her that she made the wrong decision. She wouldn't be able to live with herself knowing that she ended up making things worse for Clementine.

"As I said, without medical attention, it wouldn't have helped her if you'd left it that way. You made the right call in pushing it back, but unfortunately, by doing that, the injury had also become more prone to infection."

A part of her believes he may be implying that this is _her_ fault. "Then how could I have made the right call?" she jabs, not even trying to remain patient anymore.

"We would have had to do it for her anyway, had you found us sooner," the Doctor informs. "She's under quite a bit of drugs right now, so she's feeling a bit drowsy. But it should wear off in only a couple hours."

Nick, Sarah and Luke all return worried glances with each other, none of them knowing what to say.

"She's… unfortunately going to have to be hospitalized for a while longer."

"How long?" Sarah almost interrupts.

"It depends on the circumstances. At best, two weeks. But if her infection requires more drastic measures such as… amputation," Sarah's eyes widen at that. "It could be twice as long. It's hard to say as we don't know how well she's going to heal as of now. But… she's already proven to be quite tough after today. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now."

When Sarah, Luke and Nick are finally let into the room, Sarah is the first one to enter. However, she doesn't get very far before she freezes in her tracks upon noticing Clementine laying on the bed in front of her.

She's dressed in a white hospital gown that makes her entire figure glow without the dirty and bloody clothes she usually wears. Her filthy hat is still on though, and that makes Sarah want to smile. The splint that Sarah had made has been replaced by a proper cast, and her leg is elevated by multiple cushions. She's laying on her back and had practically caught eyes with Sarah as soon as she entered. The room is dim, emanating a sense of serenity within the environment.

Luke and Nick follow after Sarah, but slow a ways behind her once they notice how the bewildered girl has stopped in the center of the room. Sarah feels like she hasn't seen her friend is forever. She looks so different as she lays there, and she can't exactly figure out why. She looks… peaceful; something that Sarah has rarely seen her as since the accident.

Sarah struggles to decipher what exactly it is Clementine is thinking right now as they stare at one another. After swallowing the lump in her throat, she slowly approaches the girl. "Clem?" she cautions, nearly whispering. Nick and Luke hesitantly follow her inward. "Clem… it's me," she says. "It's Sarah. And… and Luke—and Nick."

Clementine's broken smile makes her appear as if she might cry.

The three of them approach the bed and Sarah grabs hold of the drowsy girl's hand. "We're all here," she smiles.

"Hey, kiddo," Luke beams softly as he peers down at her.

"Luke?" asks Clem, appearing relieved. She blinks a few times, her eyes becoming livelier.

"Yeah, it's… it's us," he sighs, exchanging a glance with the other man.

As Sarah sits herself on the edge of the bed, she can't force herself to stop smiling at the girl in front of her.

"Still wearin' this old thing, huh?" Nick lightly tugs on the brim of her hat in an attempt to lighten to situation.

The young girl chuckles at that, her heart warming at the gesture. She'd noticed they had removed it once she awakened after the procedures but had begged the doctors to let her continue wearing it afterwards.

"I don't think I would've recognized you if it weren't for the hat," he teases, referring to how much older she is since the last time they saw each other.

"We thought you were dead," mumbles Clementine.

"Yeah, we… thought the same about you too. Guess we were _all_ wrong about that," infers Luke, exchanging glances with the other two.

"How are you feeling?" asks Sarah in a delicate voice.

Clementine winces, suddenly aware of the pinching she feels every time she inhales. "My chest hurts. And my leg is burning."

"I'm sorry," apologizes Sarah. "I wish there was more we could do but the Doctor told us they did everything they could. All we need now is a little bit of time for you to get better, that's all."

"Yeah, I just… wish it didn't hurt so much." She shifts on the bed in discomfort, her face grimacing.

"Do you remember what happened?" asks Luke.

"I think so. I remember hearing your voice," she looks to Nick. "I thought maybe I was dreaming at first. I didn't think hospitals like this existed anymore."

Sarah leans further into the girl's hand, latching onto it as guilt washes over her. "I wanted to be with you. I would've been with you but I just—"

"It's okay… really," she interjects. It's obvious how much pain Clementine is in right now. "I know you did your best, Sarah. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, so thank you."

A breath of laughter escapes the older girl's lips. Even though she appreciates hearing her say that, Sarah quickly turns to the man standing behind her. "Well, Nick is the one who saved us," she reveals. "I found him back at the city. Well, he found me actually. Neither of us would be here right now if it wasn't for him."

"Well, what can I say? That's just the kinda guy I am," he boasts, proudly planting his hands on his hips.

Luke chuckles sarcastically at that, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Oh yeah, sure you are."

After that, the two men explain to Clementine where they've been this whole time since that night at Howe's, as well as what the three of them have been up to while Clementine was asleep. They tell her about the hospital and how things are usually run around here. Sarah lets her know that Luke and Nick have offered that they stay at the hospital, then apologizes once more for leaving her alone. It's no doubt that the younger girl is more understanding than Sarah could hope, and she's internally thankful for how gracious Clementine is.

They don't know how much time passes as the four of them all catch up with each other. Even though so many things have changed, it still somehow feels like everything is just the same as it was before. For the time being, they forget about the reason why they're here in the first place.

It isn't until Luke notices how often Clementine is yawning that he decides it's time to let her sleep after such an overwhelming day. It's only early evening, but he remembers being told that she was put on a lot of drugs earlier.

"You should get some rest, kiddo. We can talk more in the mornin'," he considers before briefly rubbing a playful hand on top of her hat, causing a sleepy Clementine to smile. "We're glad you're here, Clem."

When the two of them head for the door, Nick turns over his shoulder toward Sarah who is still planted on the edge of Clementine's bed, their intertwining fingers never parting for a second.

"I'm gonna stay here with her," she says.

The two men exchange glances and shoot the girls a tender grin. Luke subtly nods in acceptance, preparing to pull the door closed behind him. "We'll see y'all in the mornin'."

* * *

A/N: Okay so I am not a doctor whatsoever so I apologize if I got any of the facts wrong, however I did do my research and tried my best to be as accurate as possible.


	19. Tell me I should never leave

18\. Tell me I should never leave

* * *

Luke's back slams against the wall as Nick presses his body into him. Their tongues connect desperately and their lips are battling with one another. Between panting breaths, Nick lifts the hem of the other man's shirt, swiftly pulling it over his head without their mouths separating for a second.

His kisses move to his jaw, his neck, his shoulders, and Luke is clinging onto him as he's pressed further into the wall of their hospital room. When Nick meets his mouth again, Luke's lips are almost limp against his own.

"Hey…" Nick pulls back, noticing the man's hesitation. "What's wrong?"

"Nothin'," he lies. He shrinks underneath Nick's knowing glare.

"I think I've known you long enough to know when somethin's botherin' you," he badgers.

Like rolls his eyes with a sigh, for once hating how well the other man knows him. "I'm fine, really. It's just…"

"Come on, spit it out," Nick urges as he fully steps away from him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I just…" he runs a nervous hand through his hair, defeated. "Do you think we coulda done somethin'?"

"What do you mean?"

"For Clem and Sarah," answers a bothered Luke. "Do you think… maybe if we had tried harder to find them that they wouldn't have had to go through what they did?"

"Don't go blamin' yourself for that, Luke," Nick shakes his head, fully aware of what it is he's about to say. They've had similar conversations before. "You know we did everythin' we could."

"But what if we didn't?" Luke's challenging gaze is enough to convince Nick how distressed he is. "What if we had stayed there for just a little while longer? Do you think things would've been different?"

"Rebecca had a _baby_ , Luke. We couldn't have stayed there if we wanted to, you know that," he reminds him with a firm tone. " _None_ of us woulda made it if we stayed in that cold."

"And what about _them_?" Luke stares at him with hurt in his eyes, referring to Sarah and Clementine. "They needed us and we just left them behind." He paces towards the end of the room while running his hands through his hair again. He stops on the other side of the bed when Nick rushes to follow him.

"Hey. Hey… we _tried_ , alright?" Nick places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around and look at him again. "We had to move on, there was no other choice."

"So what about us, huh? Why did we get lucky with findin' this place when those girls were livin' out there on the road for God knows how long?" he challenges, his volume rising. "They didn't deserve that."

"There is no one to blame here, do you understand?" Nick firmly grips the man's shoulders. "Sure, we got lucky. But… there's just no way of tellin' what would've happened, to _any_ of us."

They lock gazes for a few moments, their eyes pleading with one another.

Luke exhales, his voice softening once more. "When I saw Clementine again… all I could think about was how we didn't save them. I was so afraid that maybe she wouldn't make it. We would've found them again after all this time just for her to die on us… I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

"I know what you're feelin'," murmurs Nick. "We all felt that way. None of us wanted this to happen, 'specially not to those girls. But it gets to the point where you realize you just can't save everyone." He steps closer, peering at Luke when he notices his wandering gaze. "Look at me. They're here, and they're okay. They're safe now." He smiles gently, their eyes sparkling at one another. "You don't have to worry anymore. All right?"

* * *

 _The next night_

Luke softly knocks on the open door of Clementine's room, peering his head further inside.

Sarah and Clementine are sitting next to each other on the small bed with Sarah's head lazily resting on the other girl's shoulder. It's late evening and the place is dimly lit since most of the residents have gone to sleep by now. However, the two girls hadn't been sleeping or even speaking to each other, but simply resting peacefully in each other's company.

"Hey," he greets the two, expecting Sarah would be there. The girl has hardly left Clementine's side since she woke up. "Mind if I talk to Clem for a bit?"

"Sure," Sarah grins in acceptance. She sits up, the two girls exchanging warm smiles and a tight hand hold before the she exits the room.

"Hey, kid," Luke breaks the silence once the door is closed and they're left alone.

"Hey, you," she jokes in a sleepy voice, smirking at him. Their voices are soft, the calmness of the room requiring nothing more.

"How you feelin'?" asks Luke, pulling up a chair and sitting alongside her bed.

"A bit better. It's still kinda hard to breathe but my leg doesn't hurt as much," she says.

"That's good. Well, besides the breathin' part," he corrects himself.

"Where's Nick?"

"He's just on patrol right now," informs Luke. "Should be finishin' up soon though." He looks away from her nervously, reminding himself of the reason he came here. "Listen, I uh… I just wanted to say that… I'm really sorry that—that this happened to you. I hope you know that if I had been with y'all, I woulda done everythin' I could to make sure you were safe."

Clementine's eyes perk with concern, her heart feeling cold from hearing him say that.

"I just… I—I _need_ you to know that we thought about you all the time, all right? We didn't even know how far you made it out of that camp. We didn't know if you'd got hurt or if you were even alive…"

"Luke…" she murmurs, wishing he wouldn't say anything more.

He takes her hand and clutches it between his palms, ignoring her protest. "Clem… I am _so_ sorry. It—it kills me knowin' that you two were out there all alone, all this time." His voice cracks unintentionally, remembering that awful winter two years ago. His eyes are beginning to water now but he can't bring himself to stop speaking. She needs to know this. "Y'all are just so young. We should never had given up on you. _I_ … I shouldn't have given up." He clears his throat, his stare pleading. "Will you please forgive me?"

It's silent between them for a few uncertain moments before Clementine speaks up again, much to the man's relief. "Luke, I never blamed you."

"You didn't?" he swallows the lump in his throat, finding that hard to believe.

"No, and neither did Sarah," she shakes her head reassuringly. "We had to move on, too. That's just the way it had to happen. But… we took care of each other. We ended up okay in the end." She smiles gently at him, hoping he'll return the gesture.

"I wouldn't consider you almost dyin' 'okay'," he scoffs, far from ease.

"I'm still here, aren't I?" she boasts jokingly with a smirk.

Luke chuckles softly at that. He admires her efforts to lighten the situation, despite the circumstances. He feels ashamed being the one with tears in his eyes when she's the one that nearly died. Yet, she's still here making jokes as if none of it ever happened.

"Damn, Luke. I never thought I'd see you cry before," she remarks, clearly just making fun of him now.

"I wasn't cryin," he defends, releasing her hand. Suddenly self-conscious, he swiftly wipes a thumb across his eyelids. "There was just… somethin' in my eye."

Clementine giggles, entirely unconvinced. "You're an idiot."

Luke had wanted Sarah to hear his apology too, but he needs to tell Clementine what happened to Kenny. That's something that just the two of them should discuss. Luke isn't entirely sure how to go about it, considering what they had meant to each other.

When he tells her that he killed him, Clementine almost doesn't react at first. She just sits there, staring at him without a word. Luke isn't sure if she's mad at him or if she even understands what he's saying. Then when Clementine starts to cry, he feels like the worst person in the world.

She had assumed he was dead – she'd assumed _all_ of them were dead. But Kenny was different. He was like family to her. She'd never cried about it before, so why is she crying now? She'd accepted their deaths a long time ago. She'd told Sarah countless times that there was nothing they could do about it and that they had to move on and forget.

Maybe it isn't _just_ what Luke tells her, but also the realization of the situation they're in. The fact that the four of them are really all that's left just hits her in an instant, and she isn't entirely certain how to feel about it. She wasn't aware all these emotions had been building up until now, and the news of Kenny is just enough to cause it to all unravel.

She'd thought it was just her and Sarah, but now two other people who she'd thought was dead is suddenly back into their lives after this long and it's all so overwhelming yet relieving at the same time.

Clementine understands why Luke had to do it. The man was out of control. A fraction of her had hoped he would change, but people don't really change. Once Kenny lost his family, there was no coming back from that. She'd watched it happen to him so helplessly, but she'd be lying if she didn't say a similar thing had happened to her.

The only difference is that Clementine hasn't been broken yet. She still has Sarah, and that's all she could possibly need right now.


	20. Too old to be so shy

19\. Too old to be so shy

* * *

Nick arrives to place his tray of food on the table next to Luke, who had previously been conversing with Sarah as she sits on the bench opposite them.

Breakfast time in the cafeteria is usually the busiest hour of the day in the hospital, so the vast room is bustling with residents collecting their morning meals and chatting among themselves at different tables. The civil environment had been a lot for Sarah to take in at first, but it's been a week since they arrived here and she's already found herself to be a lot more comfortable than she had been before.

She'd been given new jeans and a t-shirt to wear and had also been granted the luxury of having a shower for the first time in forever, which she'd been beyond grateful for. She finally looks like she's a part of the community now, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel that way too.

Clementine is still in her room. The three of them had been with her earlier but the doctors had interrupted them in order to take some tests on the girl. Sarah had asked if she could stay, but they suggested that the three get some breakfast first while they finish up on Clementine, promising Sarah could return to see her afterwards.

"Hey, mind if I ask you somethin'?" Luke casually asks the young girl as he aimlessly stirs his oatmeal, his eyes more focused on his food rather than her. "Are you and Clem, like… together?"

Sarah chokes on her water mid-sip, nearly spitting it out across the table. "What?" she coughs.

Wide-eyed, Nick glances worriedly between the two.

"Sorry, I… just forget it," Luke snaps his attention to her, realizing how much he's clearly baffled the girl. "I—I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay," reassures Sarah, composing herself. "I just… wasn't expecting that, I guess."

"We can talk about somethin' else if you want," suggests a guilt-ridden Luke.

It's awkwardly silent between the three. Nick wisely chooses not to include himself in the conversation.

"We're not," Sarah states firmly. "Together, I mean."

Neither Nick nor Luke can ignore the hurt in her voice when she speaks those words.

Nick peers at her expectantly, sensing there's more just from the regretful expression in her eyes. "But…?"

"Nick, just let it go," advises Luke softly from his seat next to him.

"It's okay, really. I don't mind you asking," clarifies Sarah.

"Sorry, it just… kinda seemed like it for a bit there. We couldn't really tell," shrugs Nick apologetically.

Sarah's heart jumps at that, beyond embarrassed for somehow causing them to be suspicious. How long had they been wanting to ask her this? "Really? Wh—did I make it that obvious?" stammers Sarah.

"Make… _what_ obvious, exactly?" Luke questions, speaking slowly.

"Wh—nothing. Just that… we were together. Which we're not," Sarah frets, hoping to make that last part clear.

Nick and Luke exchange perplexed glances.

"Uh huh, so… you're telling us that there's absolutely nothin' goin' on between you guys right now?" Nick crosses his arms and leans forward over the table, his eyebrows raised.

"No… why would there be anything going on?" Sarah's fingers violently fidget in her lap.

"Because of the way you look at her," Luke smirks right before taking a casual sip of water, answering almost too quickly.

Sarah blinks, taken aback by his accusation yet beyond curious at the same time. "How exactly do I look at her?"

"Come on, really?" Nick chuckles at her confusion, as if the answer is obvious. "You look at her like… like it hurts you, sometimes."

"I mean, she almost _died_. How else do you expect me to react?" A part of Sarah knows she's lying to herself, and she also can't help but notice how accurate his description is.

As Luke perks his eyebrows, neither of the men look for a further argument. "All right. If you say there's nothin' goin' on, then there's nothin' goin' on. Simple as that."

After that, they both continue eating their breakfast, but Sarah can't bring herself to do the same.

She nervously rubs her hands together underneath the table, debating with herself. When she speaks softly again, Sarah finds that she can't bring herself to stop no matter how much she wants to. The words are just begging her to come out. "I mean… there was this _one_ time where she… kinda kissed me."

"Wait, she _kissed_ you?" Luke's voice bursts into a harsh whisper.

"Why are you whispering?" chides Nick, clearly not as phased by the girl's confession as he is.

"I don't know!"

"It didn't mean anything though. She was drunk and she doesn't even remember it happening," interjects Sarah defensively.

"Well, why don't you tell her?" asks Nick.

"I can't," she shakes her head, defeated. "It doesn't matter anyway, it was a long time ago," she attempts to brush off the subject, regretting she said anything in the first place. It's only been a few weeks, but still, that's an achingly long time for her.

"Sarah," Nick's gentle voice catches her attention. "It's okay to like her."

When she looks to him, he's grinning knowingly at her and she wishes that were enough. "You don't understand," she sighs with exasperation, becoming frustrated. All these familiar thoughts are finally reaching her again after so long of not even having the time to think about anything other than Clementine's health. She doesn't bother to deny his assumption. They can clearly see through her already. "What—what if I tell her and she hates me or something?"

"She would never hate you," consoles Luke, his heart clenching from hearing her say that.

"We see the way you look at her but… we also see the way _she_ looks at you," continues Nick.

The young girl blinks. "Really?"

"Yeah," he smiles comfortingly at her. "She thinks the world of you, Sarah. I promise you that."

"But… but isn't it wrong?" she asks, her voice becoming hushed. "Like… I thought girls weren't supposed to kiss other girls."

"Yeah, that's a load of horseshit, if you ask me," Nick grumbles as he crosses his arms, annoyed at the subject.

"It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, Sarah. Girls can kiss other girls just like boys can kiss other boys too. If you love them, then it don't matter who you are."

"Really?" murmurs Sarah. She hadn't really thought of it that way. Growing up, she had never seen or even heard of such a thing. It was always just a boy and a girl in all the movies and books she read. Her relatives had always teased her about how she was going to marry a strong man one day, but she didn't understand why she would want that.

But when Clementine had kissed her, it didn't feel wrong at all. It felt right. Her whole life, she'd just been taught to believe that maybe it _should_ be wrong.

"Yeah. I mean, _we_ ended up alright, I'd say," Luke's fingertips reach for Nick's own on the surface of the table, grinning at him.

"Wait, so you two are like… boyfriends?" wonders Sarah.

"That's right," he confirms.

"It ain't a secret though," Nick explains upon noticing the confused and shocked look on her face. "I'd be surprised if someone in this hospital didn't already know about us."

"That's nice," Sarah smiles, admiring the two.

"Hey… you should talk to Clem. Tell her how you feel," encourages Luke in an uplifting tone.

Sarah chews on her bottom lip in thought, the idea of that alone simply terrifying her. How would Clementine react to that? Sarah doesn't even want to imagine all the different possibilities. Then she thinks about how happy Luke and Nick seem to be together, and she wonders if her and Clementine could ever be the same.

"Aw, your first crush. You two are all grown up now," Nick purposely teases the girl which only results in an eye-roll from his significant other.

"All right, you don't gotta be all sappy about it," groans Luke.

"What? I think It's cute. They're kinda like my kids," beams a cheery Nick.

"That's weird," Sarah giggles. Their kind words and light banter make her feel significantly better about the situation. Relieved to know that she doesn't need to hide anything when it comes to Luke and Nick, she suddenly regrets ever thinking otherwise.

" _Or_ my sisters," proposes Nick.

"Yeah, that's… less weird," remarks Luke before proceeding to eat his breakfast.

"Now that I think about it, you guys _are_ kind of like my big brothers," Sarah grins faintly. Her heart warms simply from the sight of the two men that sit across from her, suddenly feeling quite serene.

"See?" Nick challenges the other man before shifting his attention back to Sarah. "I'll be your big brother any day, kid. It'll be like we piss each other off but love each other at the same time, or somethin'. Isn't that what they do?"

"I wouldn't know. I was an only child," remarks Sarah while glumly poking at her breakfast with a spoon.

"Me, too," he adds.

Luke sighs softly next to him. "Me, three."


	21. Oh my darling Clementine

A/N: Here we are, the last chapter! Please listen to 'Shiver' by Lucy Rose for the first half if you want to get into the feelies!

* * *

20\. Oh my darling Clementine

* * *

"Clem?" asks Sarah. "There's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" the younger girl adjusts herself as she sits cross-legged on the mattress, leaning slightly forward with peaked interest.

As soon as Clementine says those words, Sarah's heart begins to pound as she sits directly in front of her, the two facing each other on Clementine's bed. She thinks it might just burst out of her chest from how fast it's beating.

A part of her doesn't want to do this. There are so many reasons why she _shouldn't_ do this, but Clementine is staring at her with so much concern in her eyes that the older girl forces herself to swallow the fear.

"You know when we were back at the house and… you surprised me with all those really nice candles and you got really drunk?" begins Sarah, her heart skipping another beat upon remembering such a beautiful time.

It had been such a perfect night, despite the circumstances. The calming lantern on the bedside table illuminates the dark room and casts shadows on the younger girl's face, reminding Sarah of how Clementine looked that night.

"And then the next day you were throwing up and you asked me if you did something embarrassing? Well, you still didn't do anything embarrassing but, well…" she clears her throat, despising herself with every word. "There is something you _did_ do that I didn't tell you about. And I thought you should know about it because we're best friends and it's not fair for me to lie to you, so… here it goes." She firmly locks eyes with the girl in front of her, breathing deeply. "You kissed me."

Sarah had expected at least some sort of reaction, but she hardly gets one. Clementine only stares at her for a moment longer before her gaze falls in between them as if she's not sure what to think. However, Sarah doesn't even offer her more time to speak before interjecting once more.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," she bursts. It feels like a nightmare is coming true. "I was going to that day on the roof but then the walkers came and we had to leave and then you… fell," her voice falters from the memories. "I just couldn't find the right time after that because there were more important things, you know?"

Sarah isn't even looking at Clementine anymore because she's too focused on trying to save herself. She's speaking so quickly with her mind a jumble, feeling like she might just start crying.

"But I understand if—if you don't wanna talk about it or—or if you're mad at me, I just… I didn't want you to hate me or not want to be around me anymore because I really like you and—"

The next thing she knows, Clementine is grabbing her face and pulling her into a firm kiss so sudden that Sarah doesn't even remember how that sentence ended. She freezes, her muscles tensing up with uncertainty. The older girl eventually melts into her lips and closes her eyes, too.

When Clementine slowly pulls away, Sarah finds herself holding onto the feeling of her lips long after they're gone.

"I remember," smiles Clementine, her voice only loud enough for Sarah to hear. Her hands are still planted on Sarah's cheeks. Their faces are now inches apart and the older girl is in so much shock that she's not even sure if any of this is real.

"But… but I thought you said you didn't," Sarah sputters with wide eyes.

"I didn't, but after I woke up here, I guess I regained that part of my memory," she says.

"Why didn't you tell me?" asks Sarah, still dazed by the fact that Clementine just kissed her. Again.

"There just wasn't a right time." Clementine begins to stroke the other girl's hair, her bangs, her cheek. "I didn't know it bothered you so much." Her fingertips shoot a shiver up Sarah's spine. "I'm sorry," Clementine whispers, her eyes sparkling beneath the glow of the lantern.

"It's okay," Sarah raises her hand to touch Clementine's own. Her eyes begin to water and she's not even sure why. She's just so happy – happier than she's been since that drunken night at the house. Sarah had been dreading this conversation for so long, but it turned out to be everything she had hoped. She wishes the two of them could just live in this moment forever.

"I like you, Clem," she says. The way Clementine is smiling at her makes Sarah feel as if she can't breathe.

"I like you too."

"Really?" asks Sarah. It feels as if a weight has just been lifted off her shoulders.

"Really," confirms Clementine with a breathy chuckle. The sound of her laugh makes Sarah smile, their voices so intimate within the still room.

"Does this mean…"

"It's whatever you want it to mean," she breathes.

Sarah can't describe the way her heart soars in that moment.

* * *

Sarah watches with admiration as Clementine's fingertips lightly trace the other girl's wrist. They've been lounging like this since their previous conversation, with Sarah sitting up against the bed's backboard and Clementine's head resting in her lap, neither of them wanting to be anywhere else.

Sarah stays with her whenever she can. The poor girl has spent most of her time in this bed since they arrived here, only rising to her feet when necessary. Even though Clementine has to stay here, Sarah will sacrifice any time of her day if that means keeping her company.

So together they lay there as Clementine delicately runs her fingers over Sarah's scars. They've been on her arms for years – faded, then returned. Now they're faded again. Sarah had always told her that she hated them. They're ugly and only remind her of the past and why she'd put them there in the first place. But Clementine had told her they were beautiful. The memory of Sarah locking herself in the bathroom and Clementine finding her on the floor stays at the back of the older girl's mind. There had been other times after that, but Sarah hasn't picked up a blade in months. In this moment, she considers how far they've come since then – how everything has changed.

Clementine is her _girlfriend_ now. That's a thought Sarah never thought would become true. She's never had a girlfriend before, or a boyfriend, but she always wondered what it would be like. She'd been so unsure about it all – unsure about how Clementine felt about her. But after today, Sarah has never been more certain of anything in her life.

Despite all the bad things that happened to them, she doesn't wish their lives had worked out any other way if it meant leading them here.

When she notices that Clementine has fallen asleep with her head in Sarah's lap, the older girl soon finds her own eyes doing the same, and she drifts into the deepest sleep she's had in a long time.

* * *

 _2 weeks later_

Sarah readies her stance, bending her knees and planting her feet on the gravel below her. After taking a deep breath, she peers through the obscuring helmet on her head. She raises the bat by her shoulder, re-gripping the handle.

When Nick chucks the ball her way, she swings with as much force as possible, causing the ball to shoot directly to the side.

"Jesus!" Luke flinches when the flying object bounces off the nearby picnic table he's sitting at, his attention suddenly snapped away from the book he'd been reading.

Sarah slaps a hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop herself from laughing out loud, which Nick doesn't bother to hide at all.

"Could you maybe _not_ teach her to almost kill me with a baseball, please?" advises Luke, shouting at the two in the near distance.

"Sorry!" apologizes Sarah while Nick continues to snicker at the other man's dramatic reaction. "My bad, Luke."

Neither Nick nor Luke are on chore duty tonight, and since the weather is so warm today, they'd opted to spend time in the yard and get some fresh air instead of staying inside. Nick had told the girl it'd be good for her to practice her aim, but they'd mostly started playing just for fun. It isn't every day they have the opportunity to do something like that, so they'd decided to take advantage of it.

The sun has just begun to go down, casting a bright orange glow on every surface. It's so unusual for Sarah to be outside without needing to worry about walkers, but she's become quite comfortable within the walls that circle the hospital. There are guards surrounding the perimeters as well, keeping watch for any potential threats that may be on the other side. There are only a few other residents chatting and walking about the community, but Nick and Sarah had made sure to stay far enough out in the nearby field so as not to hit anyone.

"All right, you ready?" asks Nick as he prepares his stance, raising his arm to pitch.

"As ready as I'll ever be." Sarah strikes again with a grunt, the two of them watching as the ball soars overhead and lands a distance away in the grass. It's definitely been her best hit so far.

"Okay, now you're just showin' off," remarks Nick with fake annoyance.

"It's not the first time I've used a bat before. Except I was using it on walkers and not baseballs…" comments Sarah.

"Same basic concept," he shrugs.

When Sarah swings the bat once more, all sense of aim is lost once she suddenly becomes distracted, just barely hitting her target. "Look!" she gasps.

"Whoa!" Nick ducks as the ball just misses him, which Sarah is too preoccupied to even notice.

"It's Clementine!" she exclaims with joy, pointing in the distance and catching the two men's attention.

Clementine had just wheeled out of the front doors of the hospital with Elizabeth alongside her, pushing the young girl in her wheelchair. She's smiling as Elizabeth helps her to her feet, the two of them conversing words that Sarah can't make out.

As Sarah, Nick and Luke hike over to meet the unaware pair, Sarah watches in awe as the woman helps Clementine in transferring from her wheelchair to her crutches, but her focus is more on the younger girl than anything else.

She notices how much happier she seems to be, as well as how Clementine doesn't seem to mind the wheelchair during the past few days that she's been using it. As Clementine adjusts to the crutches underneath her arms, Sarah's eyes glaze over the girl's smile, her hair, her eyes… and the prosthetic leg that she wears on her left side.

Sarah had hoped that she'd be over the sight of her missing limb by now. It isn't even the first time she's seeing it, but noticing the added prosthetic, it makes her want to cry right then and there, yet more from the relief than anything else.

"Clem!" Sarah rushes over and gingerly embraces the girl, Nick and Luke following close behind.

"I'm okay," Clementine murmurs knowingly once they pull away, imagining the anxiety Sarah must be feeling upon seeing her like this.

"I can't believe it. You're outside, and… you're walking!" marvels Sarah, gaping at the other girl's crutches. She's wearing regular clothes now as opposed to the hospital gown she had previously worn. the sight of her now is so different than what they had all gotten used to.

The three had been aware of the amputation before it even happened. Clementine has been in recovery for eleven days, and hasn't actually been on her feet since. She'd been in her wheelchair for the time being, but the prosthetic is something that she hadn't started wearing until today. Her arrival outside had also been a surprise to them. Sarah couldn't be happier witnessing the girl's recovery process.

"Does it still feel okay?" asks Elizabeth.

"Yeah. I mean, it's still a bit weird standing on it," Clementine shifts her weight and looks down at her leg.

"It'll take some getting used to, for sure," notifies the woman.

"Thanks for helping me. You know, with walking on it and everything," says Clementine.

"I think it looks pretty badass," Nick examines with his hands on his hips, sounding impressed.

Clementine drops her gaze to the prosthetic once more. "I… guess you could say that," she ponders, still unconvinced.

She doesn't mind having it. They'd told her this was going to happen long before it did, so Clementine had plenty of time to accept it, which wasn't very hard for her anyway. She doesn't care what she looks like, she's just glad that it means she gets to live. She had considered how much more difficult it would make her life from now on, but they don't have a lot to worry about here at the hospital. Things could be a lot worse, and that's all Clementine ever needed to tell herself.

As Nick and Luke briefly chat with Elizabeth, Clementine turns to Sarah and lowers her voice so she's the only one that can hear. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," grins Sarah, her heart fluttering.

The younger girl scans Sarah's expression for a moment, unsure of what to say as the three others converse in the background. After a hesitant moment, she quickly leans forward to peck Sarah's cheek just as Elizabeth leaves to return inside.

"All right there, lovebirds…" teases Luke with his hands on his hips.

"Lovebirds? Seriously?" groans Clementine.

Sarah only blushes by her side.

"You guys are one to talk," she continues.

The two men exchange looks, impressed by her comeback. "All right, that's fair," decides Nick.

"Welcome back, kid," Luke lightly pats Clementine on the back of her shoulder with a deep sigh, returning to a more serious tone.

"Thanks," she smiles.

"We're glad you're okay," adds Sarah.

"Yeah, we haven't been separated for two years just for you to go and die on us, have we?" jokes Nick as he briefly tugs on the brim of her hat.

Clementine chuckles faintly at his attempt to lighten the situation. "I'm glad you guys are here. Really. Thanks for everything."

"Ah, don't mention it," Nick responds. "We're family. We look out for each other."

"He's right," grins Luke. "Hey, the last time I saw you on your feet, you were about this tall," he teases, placing a level hand in front of his torso.

"Ha ha, very funny," she comments sarcastically in a low voice.

When the four of them decide to walk, Clementine sits back down and Sarah instinctively pushes the girl in her wheel chair. They begin strolling aimlessly through the hospital grounds, lively birds singing in the leafy trees above them.

"So what now?" asks Sarah. The setting sun casts a comforting warmth onto her skin.

"Well, like we said before, if y'all really wanna stay here, our doors are wide open," offers Nick. "We can get y'all some jobs, have you help out around the community. I mean, I don't know why you'd wanna go back out there anyway. This hospital is probably the best thing you're gonna get."

"It was already starting to feel like home to me," coos Sarah, the idea seeming like a dream. "A _real_ home." She can't but look at Clementine when she says that.

"Well, there you go. But hey, we might as well make it official, right?" suggests Luke. "What do you think, Clem?"

They slow to a stop, the three of them peering down at the girl in the wheel chair.

"It sounds perfect," decides Clementine, smiling at the thought of it all. She never imagined it any other way.

* * *

A/N: Thank you so so much to everyone that has stuck through with this story to the end! I appreciated every review, favorite, and all that good stuff that you guys left for me. Again I apologize that I went on hiatus for a while there, but I'm so happy to be back and proud that I got to see this story through. Please check out my other Walking Dead stories and also stay tuned for more that are to come! :)


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